I lay on my back in my hospital bed looking at the fluorescent lights on the hospital ceiling. I could tell my time was almost up.
I am only expected to live to twenty years old and today is my birthday, June 6. You know I thought that I would be more scared when realizing that I realistically only had a couple more months to live or might even die today, but honestly I'm alright.
I have no one that I am sad leaving behind and am sure as heck that I don't want to continue living like this....in pain and watching my body slowly wither away. I wasn't always like this, but after I turned 13 I was diagnosed with severe lung cancer.
At first, my parents did everything they could to get me help and all my friends were extremely supportive of me and my condition. But slowly one by one all my friends abandoned me, I can't tell if they just thought I was a lost cause or if they felt like I wasn't worth all the trouble and the pampering.
Though I was depressed about it I still had my parents, but eventually they too stopped trying as hard once they found out they couldn't change anything.
That was fine....they still took care of me and loved me and I couldn't bare watching them trying to find the financial resources to try and get me help. But that once again changed when my parents gave birth to my little sister.
At first, they would come all the time to show me and let me play with my little sister, but later on when my condition got worse they almost stopped visiting me entirely. Their excuses were that my little sister shouldn't be exposed to death so early and that she may suffer trauma if she sees my condition.
Then, they just stopped coming entirely, no more visits.....not even a call.
I could try and understand their reasoning, but it still hurt and frustrated me. I can't remember how many times I cried myself to sleep over it. They didn't even come on my birthday's and holidays. And I eventually grew numb to that too. The only thing that could distract me from my despair were the audio books that the doctors let me listen too.
Eventually I got so weak that I couldn't even lift a book properly so those were my only options. The audio books allowed me to close my eyes, forget about my pain, and just imagine myself as one of the people in the book.
My favorites were adventure and mythology books, so my favorite series was Percy Jackson by Rick Riordan. I love how adventurous and charismatic the characters are, but my favorite character of them all was Poseidon. I've always loved the beaches and the oceans but haven't gotten that chance to be on one since I was 13, there was never any time for that, only check-ups and tests.
I press the call button on my bed with the little remaining strength I have and ask the nurse to put on Percy Jackson: The Lightning Thief. Then I close my eyes and drown in the enchanting voice of the audiobook reader...
"Look, I didn't want I be a half-blood. If you're reading this because you think you might be one, my advice is: close this book right now. Believe what lie your mom or dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal life. Being a half-blood is dangerous. It's scary. Most of the time you get killed in painful, nasty ways..."