1 I Hate Birds

Do you want to know why I hate birds?

There was a time in my childhood when a rooster pecked me with its beak so many times that my foot was bloody red. Then there were the times when the doves pooped on me every other week. The parrots seemed to dislike me and never repeat what I said. The peacocks never unfurled their feathers when I was around.

Not to forget that one time at a zoo when an ostrich jumped out of its compartment and ran after me as if wanting to kill me.

It was as if the birds were government drones, and I was a criminal they were sent to hunt. They all made my life bad in one way or another.

Ever since then, I hated birds.

So, when it turned out that—In what could be said to be the worst time of my life so far—I no longer had to deal with birds at the very least, I found my one silver lining.

For the first time in my life, I no longer had to deal with birds.

Hmm? What's that? Why am I having the worst time of my life you ask? Well, can't you read? I've turned into a damn Bamboo.

I mean, come on man, it's in the damn title.

Who the hell would have a fun time after being turned into a bamboo? I feel like shaking my head… not that I have one at the moment. Why does that feel like a skeleton joke? Whatever.

I know, I know. You guys want to ask me how I turned into a bamboo right?

Well, once again, I'm forced to ask… can you not read? I reincarnated into a bamboo. Next thing I feel like you're going to ask me if there is a panda in this novel or not.

Well, if you have to ask, yes there is. Look up.

That damn bastard has been eating my leaves ever since I could see him up there. What the hell is he even doing there? I have never seen him leave from there for the last… hmm… I can't tell how long it has been since I've reincarnated.

I must be getting used to nothing happening around me. Well, it has been a long time since I've simply been bamboo. I wonder why I became a bamboo? Why not another tree? Why not an animal?

Hmm, I would hate to be another tree since birds would obviously perch on me. And if I were an animal? God knows with my luck I would obviously be a bird. Maybe a sparrow, or a hummingbird, small and weak.

What? Get back to talking about the Panda?

Oh right! Sorry about that. I do go on a tangent a lot, don't I? I am kind of different like that. I have always been.

I think I have ADHD or something like that. I never got it tested back when I was on earth, but I am absolutely sure I had it. After all, there were many signs of it.

For example, I remember entering a room and forgetting what I went there to do. I remember opening my fridge and finding out there is nothing to eat, only to open it back again 5 minutes later trying to see something magically appear.

There was also this one time when I went around my house, searching for my glasses while I was wearing it. My sister made fun of me for a whole week when she saw me do that.

Ahhh! So embarrassing.

Hm, what? That's not weird? Everyone goes through it all the time? WHAT? No, way. Man, I thought I was a unique case. I should've known there is nothing unique about me at all. Ever since I was born, I was a run-of-the-mill kid in my neighborhood.

I guess I'm unique now. Gasp! No way! Don't tell me these bamboos surrounding me are other reincarnated human beings too. That can't be, right? That man only singled me out by telling me I was reincarnated. I wish I could see that man again. Although it wouldn't be 'again', since the last time I met him I didn't have my vision yet.

Hm, what? I'm going on a tangent again? Oh, shoot, sorry. That's a bamboo pun for you.

Right, what were we talking about? The panda. Um… let's not talk about the panda for now. We shouldn't disturb it right now.

Instead, let's talk about how I came to become a Bamboo. Since I reincarnated, you all must be curious about how I died. Let me tell you, you won't believe it.

The answer is… I don't know. See? I told you you wouldn't believe me. You think I'm keeping things from you; I know. But I really don't remember how I died.

The last thing I remember is… watching TV? I think that's what I did. Whatever, it doesn't matter now.

So, I reincarnated and became a bamboo. But I could only think for a while. I couldn't see, or hear for the longest time. I could feel whenever the airbrushed across my skin… skin? Bark? What do bamboos have? Whatever, I will call it skin.

The other thing I could feel was the damn panda eating at my top. I think it's stopping me from growing any further. Maybe? I don't know. The man said he was not harming me, but helping me. But I haven't seen the help yet, so I still doubt it.

Anyway, it was only later after I talked with the man that I could learn to see and hear. He says that if I keep going on, I will be able to do a lot of different things.

We'll have to see about that.

Sigh, I hate to say goodbye, but this might be the last time I talk with you guys. But do stick around, and you may learn a bit more about me.

~CRACK~

Ah right, you guys must be curious about thunderous noises happening up above me right now. Ha-ha, you are in for a treat.

Sit down and watch along with me. The panda is breaking through.