1 Life & Death

Eugene opened his eyes and saw a familiar view of a magnificent and luxurious lapis lazuli interior tapestry design on the ceiling of one room with a big chandelier. His eyes were blank for a second before the tears urged to fall ceaselessly.

He felt incredibly suffocated by the sudden realization. He came back to the past as the second young master of the Shradinza Household. The solitude feeling made him depressed because coming back here, means remending his past mistakes.

He was so tired.

When he thought he could finally rest, he unconsciously came back at the beginning. Now he finally realizes the feeling of betrayal, and it's terrible. But he had no right to complain because that was also what he did to his younger brother.

Maybe the atonement he did on earth is not enough.

If so―how many lifetimes are needed for him to be accepted by the heavens? How many cycles should be done, so he could finally sleep forever?

He wanted to know. He was so scared because he was alone.

He sacrifices everything while living on earth. Eugene himself finally realized that he was bound to suffer and never find salvation. The darkness that was pulling him is too strong, but he can't just end his life simply, because, without heaven's permission, he wasn't allowed to stop breathing. That alone is an eternal burden to him.

He wanted to know―why was that fate so cruel to him?

But there's no answer; after all, he didn't deserve reclamation.

Death.

It would be better if he could experience it.

Sighing, Eugene climbs down from the bed.

The familiar floor with a design of an elegant sodalite lapis lazuli marble medallion made him feel a lingering sense of sadness and longing.

Everything inside the room is white and blue, and this room is his saving grace. For the last moment of his life in this world, this room is the only place that made him feel so secure.

But this is also the room that witnesses his obscure death.

It was really painful, being stabbed by a sword.

Standing in front of the mirror, he gasps when he finds himself in the body of the ten years old him. He couldn't believe it because around this time. He hasn't done anything serious yet, just cursing his little brother and pulling a prank.

"Just what the hell is happening?"

If it was around this time, then he was still safe.

What plan did heaven have this time?

Isn't he meant to experience the same death?

How come he came back to this timeline where everything; could still be changed?

Did heaven give him a chance to change his future?

He trembled as tears started to fall again.

He couldn't believe it; the more he looked at his reflection in the mirror, the more scared he felt.

His trembling hand touches the mirror while the other touches his face.

It was real. He was really in his ten-year-old body.

Eugene's mind became blank once again while thinking about many possibilities. Still, he refuses to believe. How could the heaven whom he angered let him off? He felt like cold water was poured onto his body as his facial expression turned cold. There's no way heaven would let go of his corrupted soul. It seems like it's a new way for him to struggle, making fun of him and getting his high hopes.

Cruel. So cruel.

A once mistake became lifetime despair.

This makes him laugh.

No matter how many tears he shed, he couldn't be saved.

No matter how many words are said, he cannot be forgiven.

A forever torment that made him feel like a living dead. He already had enough; he suffered more than what he deserved, but why is it still not enough?

Clutching his chest, he decided to calm down. It doesn't matter anymore; he would live his life avoiding his doom. This time he would choose to become a better person and would never go against those people who play a great role in his life.

Ignore them. Do not wish more.

It would be better for both sides.

He would no longer beg to be loved.

He would no longer ask for attention because now, he will live for himself.

Those reincarnations are enough to make him realize his pointless greed.

Forget about being happy. What he needs is to prevent himself from dying to get a rest. Getting reincarnated after dying and finding yourself in a situation you couldn't understand is much worse than this. At least when he traveled through this world he wasn't shot by a gun or beaten to death.

All the people he possesses are scumbags who met their retribution.

It was tiring living for a second or a week before meeting your end.

"Young master?"

Startled, he turned around and saw the same butler who ought to stay by his side. This man is serving him under the order of his elder brother with the permission of his father. Everything changed when he started hurting and framing his little brother, scheming and making fun of others, challenging his elder brother, and offending higher nobles.

At that time, his butler turned his back on him.

It was his fault, but now he still hasn't done anything serious yet the rumor of how malicious he was is now circulating.

"Is...there something?"

Avoiding Vincent's gaze, he lowered his head.

Eugene couldn't face the person who betrayed him, because meeting those eyes would make him remember all those painful memories. The him who kneel and begged his father under the watchful eyes of others, bearing the sins he knew...would destroy him forever.

At that time, through Vincent and others' confessions, the crown prince and the grand duke successfully denounce him and declare his execution on the ground of Lèse-majesté and attempted murder of the future mother of the empire.

Also because of the evidence of his rebellion, he was immediately taken away and imprisoned in the underground dungeon.

"Well..." Vincent fake a cough and said... "The marquis is requesting your presence."

Eugene's hand trembled and let out a hum.

"I'll change my clothes, wait for me outside."

Vincent feels like something is wrong but couldn't point it out, still, he bows his head and leaves. He knew the second young master would be heavily scolded this time, after all the third young master fell ill after the second young master locked the third young master in the attic.

Everyone in the Shradinza household knew how much the marchioness and marquis treasured the third young master and probably this time, the second young master would completely fall out of favor.

Eugene on the other side seems to remember some incident when he was ten years old. That is... when he locked his twin brother Eullian in the attic. That is also the time when his father couldn't afford to tolerate him so he was scolded and punished.

"Really." he sighs.

No matter what, he already decided.

——Knock...Knock

"Come in."

The door opened revealing the person inside the room.

Aison Rienzo Shradinza, the current head of the Marquis household, and the leader of the second knight battalion, besides him, stood his father's most trusted secretary, the man who is so obsessed with his butler that he planned his end thoroughly to get back to what he did to Vincent. Thinking about the man's gentlemanly facade, Eugene couldn't help but shudder, he finally realize how people in this world could be so bloody and twisted.

And he is also once one of their kind.

"Good Morning...father."

Marquis Shradinza put aside his paper worked and look at him sharply.

"Do you know your mistake?"

Eugene breathed and lowered his head, trying to hide the complexity that his eyes held. "I know Father. I'm willing to be punished."

"Willing? Eugene, do you think I would give you a light punishment this time?" Marquis Shradinza sneered and slam his hand on the desk in anger, "Your little brother is bedridden because you lock him in the attic, are you trying to kill your little brother?!"

Eugene couldn't speak, he knew his little brother is weak but still locked him in the attic. At that time he's not guilty of what he did and even talks back in order to save himself from being punished.

In the end, he was locked in his room without food for three days making his body collapse in hunger, that was also that time when his dislike turned to hatred.

He always knew how partial his father is. That even if he was not at fault, he would suspect him and no matter how many times he explained himself, he would still choose not to believe him.

"I have nothing to depend on. I'll accept my punishment."

"You!"

Eugene raised his head and stare at his father blankly, "Father, I know my action."

"Eugene!" Marquis Shradinza unconsciously grabbed his stamp and throw it at him in anger. It was too fast that he wasn't able to dodge it so it hit his head, causing the whole room to fall into silence.

"Lord!" Vincent hurriedly rushed in front "Please calm down."

Marquis Shradinza return to his senses and saw his son's injured forehead, "You--"

Eugene lowered his gaze, ignoring his bleeding forehead, and said, "This child recognized his wrong and angered my father, what I did to my little brother is unacceptable and I had no guilt, I think it's better for my father to send me away to not wrong my brother. In that way, mother can also rest assured that the same thing would not happen again."

Both Vincent and Marquis were startled and even the secretary, Simon looked surprised.

The incident could actually be solved just by putting the third young master grounded without any food for three days to make him realize his mistake. To think that the third young master would suggest that he leave the Shradinza's main household in accordance with his bad action of almost killing his little brother.

That was the supposed punishment Eugene would receive if what he did is reviewed under the household law and Simon is aware of the seriousness of the matter. But after all the young master is just ten years old so Simon and the Marquis come up with an alternative punishment.

"This--" Simon look at the Marquis in contemplation.

The Marquis seems to realize something so he calms himself and said, "It's good. However, sending my son away who had yet reached his coming-of-age ceremony would set our household in the eye of the public."

"Yes. After all, Father cared most about our family's reputation."

"Impudence!" Marquis Shradinza pointed his fingers at his son and shouted, "You would move to the west wing of the mansion with only Vincent as your attendant, you're not allowed to step out of that place without my permission!"

"Then Father, I'll take my leave." Eugene bows his head, "Have a pleasant day."

"Out!... Get out!"

——The west wing part of the manor is actually not bad.

It is well maintained but unlike the east wing which is full of servants, the west wing had this solitude feeling. In the past, he had no clue why this area is isolated but when he found out the reason, he couldn't help but wonder, what kind of person are his grandparents.

But until his death, he had no idea where is the grave.

"Young master let me clean your wound."

Eugene sat down, letting Vincent handle his wound. He knew that he could go back to the main side of the mansion so he was not worried knowing that his father care most about the reputation of the Shradinza Household.

After all, according to the Empire's law covering the aristocracy that protected noble children, he who had yet to celebrate his coming-of-age ceremony is not allowed to be disowned or abandoned, otherwise, he would have the right to prosecute his father.

He's only ten years old, and his father still cares for him.

He knew that what his father did is an impulse of showing his authority. It's also his fault for being blunt, anyways he needed to do that so he could distance himself without being suspicious of his sudden changes.

"Then young master, you can call me if you need something."

Vincent stood up "Young master please don't blame the Marquis. His lord is just saddened because of the third young master's illness. I'm sure Madam would plead for you."

"I know. It's my fault though. I forgot my little brother and leave him there."

"As long as young master knew his fault the Marquis would forgive you." Vincent put back the medicine in the box and bow his head.

"Then young master, please excuse me."

"You can go."

Of course, Eugene knew.

Still a long step away from misfortune.

Five years is enough time to change some events. It was enough time to plan how to raise the empire's defense against the enemy's regime.