5

Fiona

All the rest classes went by with a blur, I wasn't able to fully focus because I was feeling kinda tired, maybe it was because I was mentally exhausted but oh well I don't really have the energy to think straight. I walk to my locker taking out my things and just stuffing them into the bag, Ria is next to me blabbering about how annoying our Biology teacher, Mr. Ian was but my mind can't comprehend what's she's saying right now.

I walk out the school building and then I hear my name, looking back I see it's Zona. Weakly rolling my eyes I face forward, I groan when I feel my balance waver "What the heck?" Black spots appear in my vision and I feel myself falling, before I know it I'm covered in total darkness.

I see myself floating in the middle of what seemed like an abyss "Seriously? I would really love to dream about kitties or unicorns for once in my darn life" I yell out to whoever controls what I dream about, suddenly I hear a girl sniffling "Wait, why does that sound so familiar?" I turn and see myself crying in my bedroom, this was what happened when I broke up with Zona, I was heartbroken, completely shattered. I looked at myself from two years ago and I actually felt pity. My eyes were red from all the crying with huge bags under them, clearly showing that I haven't been able to get sleep for days, I was looking a lot skinner from skipping meals and starving myself and my skin was pale from not being out in the sun for a while. I was looking dead, I feel something wet running down my cheeks and that's when I realize that I was crying, I wanted to just run over and hug my past self but I couldn't move no matter how hard I tried, I was like a bystander in my own dream. I watched as my mom knocked on the door begging me to open it, I watched as I tortured myself everyday giving myself scars afraid that I would forget what pain feels like from constantly feeling it from within. During that period, I skipped classes, picked fights and bullied people but in the eyes of the school staff I was always the perfect version of an angel; quiet, shy, meek, humble, obedient, intelligent, beautiful, hardworking, diligent, assertive and what not but  to people who actually knew me... I was a devil, preying on the weak just to satisfy my ego. Although I've changed, some people still refuse to believe in my repentance and avoid me like a plague, that's what caused  me to become isolated and I would have remained lonely if I hadn't met my best friends.

I open my eyes and stare at the white ceiling, the smell of medicine and sick people flooding my nostril making me feel like throwing up, I was never a fan of hospitals although I had to go often due to my condition. The only sounds I hear are muffled voices from outside the ward and the beeping of a machine attached to my hand, no matter how many times I came here and the fact that I wanted to become a medical practitioner I still can't remember the name of this device. I sigh and try to sit up but my body felt so heavy and I ended up falling back on the bed with a loud humph. The people outside stop their conversation when they here the commotion inside the room, mom is the first person to enter. "My baby, how are you feeling? Are you okay" mom rushed to my side with tears in her eyes and hugged me tight "Mom, what's going on? What happened? Why am I in a hospital?" The doctor walks in "Ms White, you're were rushed her by one of your classmates after you fell unconscious" I looked at the doctor urging him to continue "It turns out your heartbeat showed down significantly which affected the content of oxygen in your blood, your heart almost failed" I gasp in shock "How can that be possible? I'm only fifteen, my heart should still be strong." I raise a brow waiting patiently for the doctor to explain "Ms White, it turns out that your heart has been strained. Have your experienced any tragic event that may have caused this?" I purse my lips in a frown "Unpleasant events?"

"Yes, as of now I would not say you have a weak heart but if any extreme emotion continues to strain your heart, you would be first one I would see to have a weak heart below the age of forty. I wouldn't want to imagine your heart failing you at such a young age. Please take care of your heart, Ms White. If there's nothing else wrong with you, you can be discharged right away" I just sit there staring at the doctor walk out of the room, I didn't even know when my mom let go of me and sat beside me on the bed. All that was in my mind was the fact that my.heart was planning to fail me and there's no way in hell I was going to let that happen, I still had like sixty years I could live before I'm ready to die. What's with my heart failing me now? I stare at my hands, I'm just going to have to get a grip on my emotions then. I'll have to block everything out; hate, fear, depression, sorrow... I don't want to die at such a young age but why me

"Fiona, are you alright dear? Please say something" I look up to see my mother and father staring at me with worried eyes, although dad had another woman outside he still had the decency to treat us like family. I nod my head, I try to give them a smile to reassure them but I couldn't feel my face.

After we got back home, I went straight up to my room and locked the door, I grabbed my laptop and got comfortable on my bed. I stayed up almost all night, watching online videos, reading articles on how to shield oneself from overwhelming emotions and during this time I enforced my decision in my heart, I was not going to be a fool for love ever again.

I fell asleep early the next morning and dad as considerate enough to call the school and tell them I was home sick, although I felt fine I didn't feel like going to school. My sixteen birthday was already coming up and that's when I was going to tell my friends about my decision.

I resumed school a week later missing a very important assignment that would boost our grades, I was trying to make up the perfect explanation for my absence and turn in the assignment even though it was already two days past the deadline. Because I slept late yesterday, I wasn't as early as usually to school and now I had only a few minutes before the bell goes for lessons to begin. I ran into the classroom huffing and puffing before taking my seat a minute before the bell rang. "Great" I rest my head on my desk awaiting the teacher's arrival and my inevitable detention slip. The teacher, Ms Flora, walks in "Now all those who were not able to submit their grade assignment please stand up" I furry my brows contemplating if I should stand up or not after all I wasn't sure she had the list of those who didn't submit her assignment. Deciding to not destroy my good reputation yet, I stand up, Ms Flora frowns when she sees me "Oh, Ms White why are you standing? I received your assignment two days ago from Mister Philips, he said you asked him to help you turn them in.

"Yes, Ms Flora, she must have forgotten after all she has been ill for a while. Maybe your fever affected your memory" I heard Zona say from behind me, chuckling nervously as all eyes turn to him including mine, I looked straight into his eyes and notice him trying to plead with me. To another person in the class he was emotionless but I could see past his facade, I always could that's how we bonded in the first place. I internally roll my eyes before smiling sheepishly at the teacher "Oh, I remember now. Sorry, Ms Flora" I sit back down wondering why he would help me