The end?

Finally it's over, that horrid lecture. I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief as I stepped out of my lecture hall trying to make my way out of the building. The building was nice it had a modern yet simple design whilst still managing to be eye-catching it was a white 5 story building. Being in the second floor was a pain in the ass those I'd imagine that the higher floors aren't any better but having to go down the stairs and be met with a crowd of people was insufferable especially on a hot day. After seeing the end of the hallway I start rushing and start getting in between the way of people to make my exit more briak.Finally stepping out of the building I took in a big gasp of air and just as I let it out I felt a slight breeze hit me. It felt nice and warm as expected of a spring/summer afternoon. It couldn't have been more than 21 degrees (Celsius). Looking up I see the sky and notice this orange tint no longer having the light blue color it usually has during the day signifying that the day would end soon. 

Being in there for an hour was already enough and was starting to exhaust me and what made it worse is there being no useful information to come out of it. As I turn to look at a field and stare at it for a while whilst walking I can't help but feel more angry at the time I wasted in there. It was incredibly boring and I retained nothing from it. And to top it off the professor was a snobby arrogant prick who clearly didn't care about the teaching and was only there for the research. 

I nearly went to sleep 3 times during that lecture. Having to essentially pinch myself awake every time I did. It's not that I'm a bad student or that I have a bad memory, it was just the information presented was so impractical and the teacher being snobby and pretentious wasn't making me want to stay. I just couldn't help but not care about the lecture.

"But finally no more of those boring lectures." I mutter to myself in a sort of way to prove a point but to also lift my spirit. 

As I walk towards the parking lot not being able to look away at the scenery presented in front of me that being the fields of wheat, the thoughts of what I'll be doing in the future finally start kicking in. Whilst I'm not necessarily the biggest fan of school the thing school did give me was a schedule and gave me something to do. It was this thing I knew would be there everyday for better or for worse and for it to not be there would feel off to say the least. 

But this is it I just have finals and then I finally get my bachelors and then I'll be set into the world. Whilst it is daunting it's not like it's terrible that I'll be "set free" I won't have to be pullin all-nighters to finish homework anymore. I'll actually have a decent diet and not vacuum down 3 bags of pot noodles every day. And I'll finally get to sleep. And putting that aside. No student loans which means I'm debt free all I'll the money I'll be making will all go to me. Aside from taxes. And I know I won't be spared on those. Being single and not having any children. I just know I'll be screwed. But at least there's more money going to me.

Although I'd definitely like to settle down with someone it seemed impossible. Whilst I'm not the worst looking not saying I'm the best looking either I am fairly tall I just didn't have time nor did I care. Unfortunate as it is, being stuck studying for a majority of my time at university as per my scholarship. I had to maintain incredible grades and had very little wiggle room to score anything below 100. Which meant I studied a lot and whilst I did have free time pretty commonly I just never cared enough to hang out with others. You can call it arrogance but I'd usually find a lot of the people I interacted with stupid.

Not stupid in the traditional school sense since a lot of the people at my University had incredible grades and would be considered smarter than me but stupid in a sense where they lacked self awareness. They'd be completely disconnected from reality and only discuss things like gossip, or talk behind others back, and have this attitude like they'd think they're some God that has come to bless us mere mortals. I'd find this ignorance and entitlement annoying and often times couldn't stand it without openly giving some sort of witty remark only for it to be met with annoyed glares and silence. And whilst I'd like to think I'm self aware when being around these type of people I'd feel this moral duty of stepping on their "hard earned" ego. I know I'm being an asshole when I do it but I don't care seeing the looks on their faces is priceless. And I know that "everyone isn't like that you just have to go and talk with a variety of people." But even then while finding a needle in a haystack isn't impossible. It's definitely a pain in the ass. And even then most of the people at this school are rich and entitled little shits who never had to grow up.

But in some sense whilst yes what I did was worth it. There is another small part of me that feels regret. Not being able to experience what some people call the best school days is a little sad. But at the same time I did manage to graduate early because of my so called "commitment" to my studies.

Finally being in the parking lot I catch a glimpse of myself through the reflection of a door mirror on a car and wow do I look disheveled. I look like I haven't slept in days and as if I'm lacking in every vitamin needed to suprise which I probably am but it's not good to look at it. And not to mention my hair it's all over the place.

Combing my hair with my hand and pushing it forward trying to at least make it look decent, some hair unfortunately comes out and sticks on my hand and in between my fingers in the process, as per my unfortunate balding circumstances. "All that accumulated stress is finally catching up to me huh" I say in a sarcastic tone giving a sort of wry chuckle.  I look down at my hand and see I managed to get couple strands of black hair and out of curiosity I pinch one of the strands and start rubbing it with my index finger and thumb. Oily. Damn it. And I just showered this morning too.

Finally remembering what I came here for I start focusing. Noticing I ended up at the end of the parking lot and see I'm about to reach the fence I started looking for it. Where did I park again? Looking through what seemed like a sea of cars and having to look through all of the people that are getting into their cars or who are in the same predicament as me, I manage to locate it after a few seconds of scanning. A scratched up, beat up, old white car. In between what looked like a new electric vehicle and as well as a  new heavy duty truck. "How it is to have money." I mutter under my breath turning my head and body looking to see if the owners were anywhere near in hopes of them not hearing me. And thank God they weren't. 

Finally stepping aside and walking to the door of my car I put my hands in my pockets in search of my keys. Standing there for an awkward couple of seconds as I try feeling around a lot more rapidly finally feeling the cold silver make contact with my fingers. 

Unlocking my car I step inside and start it up. Or try to, it usually taking a couple trys for it to finally start up. Being an older car and definitely having at least 2 decades on it it struggles to function sometimes but hey I'm not complaini-. My thought being interrupted by the sound of my engine finally running. 

Finally. As I pull out of the parking lot I sort of take a look at all the people not for any particular reason but it's interesting to see detail once you finally start paying attention. Everyone here has there own lives, ideals, experiences it's baffling to think about. 

Oh crap I'm low on gas better stop by a gas station. Would I be able to make it to the cheapest one with the amount of gas I currently have? Fuck it lets test it out. 

I did in fact barely make it with only half a gallon to spare but I'll end up saving about a dollar or so even after taking the gas I spent to come here and the gas it'll take me to arrive home into consideration. I only have 25 dollars on me. But I'll have to make do with what I have. Now to get the money. As I reach in my pockets to get my money I realize I forgot to put it in my wallet. As I pull the money out of my pocket I stare at the crumpled 20$ bill along with the crumpled 5$ bill and I just stare depressingly at it knowing I'll have to hand it over to the cashier and face the embarrassment that comes with handing over crumbled money. As I walk into the store I immediately get hit by this nice cool breeze which came from the fans that were all over the store. Not an ac unit but fans everywhere. 

As I walk towards the cashier I can't help but notice the enticing bags of chips sitting on the wall. I think I'll treat myself just this once considering I survived this last horrible lesson. I mean it's fine if I just do 20 on gas won't make that big of a difference. 

Just as I'm about the grab the bag I hear a loud slam coming from the bathroom. "What the hell was that?" He must've really had to use the bathroom huh? Wait that was the cashier. Shit how am I supposed to get checked out no-. The doors just slammed open what the hell. "THIS IS A ROBBERY NOBODY MOVE." A sudden loud voice echoed through the store. I feel a knot in my stomach as if though I'm about to throw up. I can't help but freeze at the current situation I'm in. What the hell is happening? A robbery? Why here of all places? It's the cheapest convenience store? Why? It doesn't make any sense? It feels like my chest is about to explode. I can't breathe properly. As I try to collect myself and try to take in a deep breath I hear footsteps coming from the other isle. Shit he's coming for me. Looking up from where I was originally staring I get a good look at the man, a skinny tall man who couldn't have been shorter than 188 centimeters with full black clothes wearing a black facial mask and a beanie. Looking a bit higher I make eye contact with him as we both stare at each other. I see his eyebrows furrow after a couple seconds of making eye contact. Shit I made him angry. "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT!" The man says with a very clearly furious tone. As he waits for me to answer he pulls out a handgun that he had tucked in between his shirt and pants. "NOW GIVE ME ALL THE MONEY YOU HAVE!" He screams, sounding even more mad then when he asked what I was looking at. Scrambling to get the crumpled money and having no other choice but to obey him I shakely give him my 25$ dollars I have. "DO YOU TAKE ME FOR A FUCKING JOKE I SAID ALL YOUR MONEY!" Shit. Not finding the words to explain to him that that's all the money I have, I eventually manage to croak out "That's all… I… have." As I finish explaining I finally try and hand him the money as I take a good look at his eyes. I notice his pupils are dilated; it almost looks like he's on someth-. 

And in the blink of an eye he pulls the trigger while looking at me and then again.

 Ringing. Ow that hurts I can't hear anything. He shot me twice in total. I look down as the where he shot me not fully processing what just happened and see I was shot in the stomach somewhere in between my intestines and appendix. Looking up a little higher I see where the other gunshot land I see the bullet went through my chest directly hitting my heart. Noticing what just happened I take off my shirt and try my hardest to rip it to have the cloth soak up the blood, recalling a video I watched some time ago in case of something like this. Luckily or unluckily it was a hollow point meaning it wasn't meant to go through me fully more so just penetrate and stay in my body. Looking at the man for a split second he was looking at me in what seemed shock and hurriedly tried to pick up the money all while mumbling something incoherent about him not meaning to shoot me. Before he even tried running away I grabbed onto his leg and tripped him causing him to fall over face first which caused the gun to fall from his hands. Seeing that he didn't have the firearm any more and no longer caring about my safety. I lifted up his pants from the leg opening and pulled up just enough to reveal his Achilles tendon and I pinch it as hard as I can just enough for blood to come out. He yells out a sort of shriek along with a scream demanding for me to let go of him. He finally manages to get my hand away and runs away with a sort of limp while my other hand is trying to stop the bleeding on both wounds. After a couple of seconds of trying to prop myself up and trying to stand up all while holding the cloth to my wounds. I let out a scream for help. Only to be met with silence. I'd assume this would catch the attention of the employee and look at the bathroom door only to be met with nothing. The door stayed shut. Shit. I don't have much time. Just as I finish that thought I feel the adrenaline wearing off and can now notice the full effect of what happened. I immediately lay on the floor and let out a scream from the pain of the gunshots. I could hear my heart beating slowing down and the sound of my heart beating was taking over all my senses. I felt this sort of tingly sensation before I felt blood and saliva leaking from my eyes.

I was starting to lose my senses shit I needed to stay awake. But this pain. This terrible pain. I couldn't help but silently cry with my inability to speak because of all the liquid in my throat I gave out the only cry I could muster which sounded more like a grunt of sorts. As the tear took up what remained of my vision the only thought in my mind was regret. Not being able to live a proper life because of my scholarship and not being able to do anything with the degree I spent so long working for. I'm dying a dogs death. Not for trying to be a hero but because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person.

And just as my vision blurred out I gave my final thought.

Fuck that druggy.