33 Monkey

Tyrosh, the fortress city on the Stepstones.

Joe had never seen so many ships before. Lucas sailed them into the harbor. Sails of pink, blue, purple. . . a myriad of colors, each vessel boasted their banners with pride.

He cupped his eyes and gaped at a massive tower at the mouth of the harbor. It was long and skinny, with three riblets at its peak, and stone so sleek that you could mistake it for a unicorn's horn.

Lucas chuckled at how Joe gawked like an idiot. "First gander of the Bleeding Tower?"

"Yup," said Joe, "Not as big as The Wall, but still impressive."

"Tyrosh has many landmarks, but the tower is the most recognized. It's even on some of their coins."

Joe raised a brow, "How phallic."

Hookhands licked his lips, "Aye!"

Lucas navigated the old cog through the busy harbor with Hookhand's ship still being towed. As usual, Lucas knew these waters like the back of his hand, and he had certain spots he preferred to park: far from prying eyes.

"What the. . ?" said Joe as he looked around, "Are we in the scummy part of town?"

"What did you expect," said Lucas, "the royal treatment?"

"No," said Joe, "But I didn't expect to feel like I'll get stabbed the moment we leave the ship."

"Heh heh. . ." Hookhands patted Joe's shoulder, "That's why you stab first."

On deck, they all stood in a circle to plan their move.

"I'll visit some taverns and gain information," said Lucas.

"Aye," said Hookhands, "And I'll find me a crew."

Hookhands then glanced at his ten beautiful slave girls, "Think you can mind the boat?"

That's when Void yawned and curled up by one of the girl's feet.

Joe chuckled, "Looks like they won't have to. Should be more than enough security if Void wants to stay behind and sleep."

"Still. . ," mused Lucas, "It's best the girls stay here. Tyrosh is no place for a wandering harem."

"Then it's decided," said Joe, "Void and Cookie will stay here with the girls."

"Neigh!" Cookie whinnied.

"Good enough for me."

With that, Lucas, Joe, and Hookhands descended the boat ramp and waved the beauties goodbye.

Lucas had parked them at the eastern docks, where piers were in disrepair, and derelicts dropped their anchor. They had to step over the legs of passed-out drunken sailors as they strolled to town.

"So what's the story with this shit hole?" asked Joe.

"It wasn't always like this," said Lucas, "The Tyroshi harbor was the center of trade, as far as the Narrow Sea was concerned. Only the most reputed pirates were granted entry."

"Weren't too long ago either," said Hookhands, "The City Watch would patrol these parts to collect toll payments. Now they wouldn't dare."

Joe scratched his head, "Why?"

"The wealthy families of Tyrosh elect an Archon to rule the city in their proxy," said Lucas, "In my short life, I've already seen three Archons come and go: each with their own philosophy on tax collection."

Joe scoffed, "So the current Archon is a pussy? That works for us."

"I wouldn't be so sure," said Lucas, "In any case, it's only the eastern harbor the city has lost. Merchants use the centre, and the wealthy elite use the west, as that's where you'll find the black walls of the old Valyrian stronghold."

Guild halls and temples lined the packed streets on the city's waterfront. Nothing but make-shift market stalls and peddlers pulling their wagons as far as the eye could see.

"Since it's Joe's first time," said Hookhands, "Why don't we show him The Pits?"

Lucas sighed, "I see you haven't changed."

"The pits?"

"Trust me, they're not worth it."

Hookhands spat, "You can't visit Tyrosh without seeing the pits at least once!"

That had settled it. "Well, now I have to go!" said Joe.

Lucas groaned, "Fine. If you think you have the stomach for it."

"Bitch, you're talking to the best cook in the world. I have the stomach for anything."

So it was that Lucas led the party into the depths of Tyrosh.

At one point along the way, a child accidentally ran into Joe.

"Ooof! Watch where you're going!"

The boy, all tattered in rags, was not confident to look Joe in the eye. He mumbled something along the lines of 'sorry. . .' Before attempting to hurry off.

An attempt that was all too easily thwarted, for Lucas yanked at the boy's collar, "Not so fast. Forget something?"

The boy's face went pale as he twiddled his fingers, "I don't know what you mean. . ."

"Play dumb again, and I'll kill you on the spot," said Hookhands.

That was all the boy had to hear. He rummaged through his rags and produced a small blade. But not just any edge: it was Joe's cunty!

"Hey!" barked Joe, "What the fuck, kid?! That was crafted for me by none other than Mikken of Winterfell. I oughta chop off your hands!"

"And I 'oughta' find a new companion," said Lucas, "One that doesn't get their pockets picked by children."

Hookhands laughed at that.

Joe snatched his cunty from the boy, "Seriously, what kind of a cesspool is this?"

"Heaven on earth," said Hookhands.

"Or hell, depending on who you ask."

"What do you mean?"

"Look around," said Lucas, "Three out of four people you see are slaves. The rest are visiting merchants or wealthy elites. Even the lowest citizens here have plenty of slaves in their household."

Joe cringed. "Whatever. . ," he glared at the boy, "It's your lucky day, kid. I'll let you go this once since you popped my pickpocket cherry. Consider it a thanks for teaching me street smarts. Now scram!"

Perhaps Joe was reminded of Arya, for his delivery had a hint of kindness behind it, one so foreign to the boy that he looked Joe in the eye for the first time in amazement.

['Father taught us to act with honor, but I'm no fool. If Robb were pushed, would he betray the guest right if it meant he could save his family? Or if Arya succumbed to hunger, would she take to stealing food? Even an honorable fool like Jon can forsake his vows. . .']

"What are you waiting for, a tip? Go on, fuck off."

And with that, the boy ran away.

Hookhands clicked his teeth, "That kindness will get you killed someday."

Joe rolled his eyes, "It was kindness that kept you alive. Remember that, you grotesque fuck."

They continued through the city until they neared an arena where cheering crowds rumbled.

"We're here," said Lucas.

"This is the pit? I thought it'd be more grubby."

Hookhands flashed a grin, "Just you wait."

Once inside, Joe could understand the name. The stands were packed with thousands of people, all jeering toward a central arena dug deep into the ground. There, gladiators fought to the death in a groveling pit of violence. It reminded Joe of that scene when Ser Jaime had to save Brienne from being eaten by a bear.

They took their seats at the very back of the bleachers.

"Well, isn't this charming?" said Joe. The smell of the arena repulsed him. Shit and piss and blood and. . . Cum?

"This is tame compared to other pits," said Hookhands.

"And not unlike the Great Auction," Lucas said.

The crowd roared as the next event happened. Joe watched in horror as 12 dwarf slaves tried their best to swarm a single warrior who was bashing their skulls with a steel hammer.

"They're only armed with daggers," said Joe in disgust, "How is that fair?"

"Heh heh. . . Ain't no fairness in the pits," said Hookhands.

Lucas nodded, "Sometimes the crowd likes a fair fight between champions. From my experience, they'd sooner watch a man burn alive."

"Holy shit," Joe said, pointing some rows ahead of them, "They even have people selling snacks in the crowd."

"Oysters, clams, and cockles!"

"Aye!" shouted Hookhands, bidding the snack seller to come closer, "They better be fresh!"

The snack vendor popped an oyster open and, after pouring some vinegar, gave it to the eager Hookhands.

"How can you eat while watching this filth?" asked Joe.

"Fun is hungry work!"

Just when Joe's head was about to spin, the dwarfs were defeated, and the pit announcer spoke to the crowd.

"And now for the main event!"

The doors opened, and a naked woman was thrown into the pit. Through the grime, Joe could tell she had lovely skin and a face that would make Kings swoon.

"Woman fight in the main events?" asked Joe. It suddenly occurred to him that they may call it a pit because the Tyroshi enjoy a good old-fashioned mud-wrestle between maidens. A comforting thought.

Hookhands snickered as the vinegar from his oyster ran down his chin, "Fight?"

Lucas hummed, "Fight for their lives, maybe."

The girl fumbled her way to the centre of the pit to avoid the crowd throwing food items at her.

"Bitch!"

"Whore!"

"Cunt!"

Then all the pit doors opened, and creatures of primal substance came out.

"Uh oh," said Lucas, "Looks like they're treating us to some 'monkey business'. . ."

Hookhands licked his lips in excitement, "Fucking aye!"

Joe gulped, "Monkey business?"

His question was immediately answered. Joe's heart leapt from his throat as he witnessed the girl brutally gang raped by a pack of chimpanzees.

At first, they were organized and patiently waited for the alpha to have his wicked way. Once he was finished, the rest fought viciously to the death for the right at sloppy seconds. Each time one got their hands on her, the others would attack and pry her away.

In seconds, the girl fit for a King turned into a hole fit for the enjoyment of sycophants.

Joe's face went red, and his skin boiled.

He placed a hand on the hilt of Icebreaker and stood without a word. Lucas peered at Joe and felt an instinctive unease.

Lucas tugged at Joe's sleeve, "What do you think you're doing?"

Joe shrugged Lucas off, "Ending it."

This time Lucas stood and placed a firm hand on Joe's shoulder, "Are you mad? This kind of shit happens everywhere, all the time. Don't be a hero."

"I'm a hero for wanting to stop this?!"

Hookhands was now more entertained by their squabble, "He's right, Joe. Don't be such a pussy. Or do you think you can end the slave trade? Heh heh heh!"

Lucas could tell Joe was still unconvinced, so he clawed deeper into his shoulder.

Joe peered into those almond eyes long enough to calm himself. He sighed, "Don't get it twisted. It's not that I want to be a hero. I simply don't like what I'm seeing, and I have the power to stop it. Nothing more, nothing less. Do you have the power to stop me if I tried?"

Lucas retracted his hand like a survival instinct, "Pirates do as they like. But understand: this is not the time or place."

They ended up leaving the arena. Joe had a sour taste in his mouth.

"This blows," said Joe, "How long until the Great Auction?"

Lucas scratched his chin. "The full moon. Five days from now."

"Fine," said Joe, and he started walking away.

"Where are you going?" asked Lucas.

"You have your revenge. Hookhands has his crew. I have my food. May the best agenda win."

As much as the idea of Joe walking solo amused him, Hookhands could not help but be concerned, "Tyrosh is a maze even to the best of us. Don't get lost."

"Pfft. If there are herbs and spices in this town, I'll find my way."

Lucas couldn't help but agree with Hookhands, "How can you be so sure?"

Joe didn't bother turning back to answer.

"How? That's easy:

I'll just follow my nose."