Hope Is A Treacherous Thing

In the faint glow of the computer screen, Su Haoyu was engrossed in a vintage video game in his dimly lit room. Confrontation was not his forte. "It's already been a week," he mused, his thoughts spiraling.

Throughout the week, his mind had been a whirlpool of overthinking. "Should I call her?" he pondered. Yet, the thought was immediately countered by, "What if she's not interested in discussing it over the phone?" Texting seemed an option, but then he worried, "Isn't that too informal? She might think I'm not taking it seriously enough."

The idea of visiting her crossed his mind. "Should I go to her place?" But then, doubts crept in. "What if she feels awkward, or prefers to forget the whole thing?" She had sent a 'good night' text. "What does that signify? Is she hinting for me to act as if nothing happened?"

He considered 'accidentally' meeting her somewhere, but quickly dismissed it as too cliché and potentially creepy. He didn't want to be that person.

The possibility of him overreacting loomed over him. "What if the kiss meant nothing to her, and here I am, getting carried away?" It had meant a great deal to him, unlike anything he'd felt before. The moment was dreamlike, yet he feared it was just a fleeting illusion.

He reminded himself to stay grounded yet hopeful. "Maybe cautiously optimistic is the way to be? Is that even feasible?"

Ever since his mother left, a small, nagging voice echoed in his mind, warning him not to get too close to anyone, as they might leave. He despised this feeling of vulnerability, but it clung to him stubbornly.

The challenge of trusting that someone might choose to stay was daunting. It made him feel weak, as if he should have moved past these insecurities. But the truth was, he hadn't. Not yet.

"Hope is a treacherous thing because it sets you up for disappointment, and disappointment... it plunges you into a deep, dark pit of self-loathing."

He reflected on his past experiences, how each time he had allowed himself to hope, to dream, it had ended in him feeling worse about himself.

"It's just... I don't know if I'm strong enough to face that fall again," he admitted to himself. "Maybe it's better to just stay in this safe zone, where nothing really good happens, but nothing really bad does either."