The ultimate pirate

I grinned as I turned around and looked at the arch granny.

"Would you like to go to wa—"

I was given no time to finish my sentence as her fist slammed into my face.

I skidded on the ground slowly losing my momentum until I bounced into the wall.

The arch granny then stood above me. She glared at me with venomous eyes.

"I don't like what you did Nathanial!" She yelled

I glared back.

"Like you have any fucking idea what I did." I snapped back.

"You attacked the king without saving my kid first!" She yelled

I rolled my eyes

"Your kid's fine! I made sure nobody found out! In fact I know where you kid is!"

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a piece of paper I had found in the king's bedroom.

"Here." I said as I passed it to her.

She took the piece of paper from me. She spent a minute looking at the paper. Then she nodded and turned around. She sprinted out of the palice.

I shook my head. She would be useful for the war. But who the hell just randomly runs away mid conversation?!

She's the person that I knew for the longest. But she was by far the strangest.

"I'm going to the library to study. Craig tell me when she comes back."

And so I stomped off to the library.

🐖🐐🐖🐐🐖🐐

From my readings I realised something.

There was one good thing about my current situation. Maybe due in part to their absolute power but titan rise doesn't have any allies.

Meaning that in their war against us I wouldn't have to worry about any attacks from behind.

They were my only enemy.

"Greg. She's back."

I got up off my table and turned to look at Craig.

"Okay."

I got up off my desk and opened the door to my room. There stood the arch granny she looked at me with a kind smile.

"Thanks Nathaniel."

I glared.

"My name is not nathaniel. It's Greg."

She frowned at me.

"Sure thing Nathaniel. So why were you trying to get in contact with me?"

I gave her my classic cocky grin.

"Because I would like you to help me go to war against titan rise." I told her

Her lips quirked slightly

"Sounds fun. Let's go."

🐖🐐🐖🐐🐖

NOW YOU FUCKERS! Listen to my plan!

First I go to the palice treasury. I take out a sack of gold and use that money to buy a boat and hire a captain. Then I take that boat to Titanrise and we begin our theft!

I then I will rule za warldoooooo!

...

I walked through the docks a sack of money in hand.

I walked up to the most salior looking sailor I could find.

I found a heavyset man with a gold tooth and a peg leg.

"Hey."

He turned to looked at me.

"Are any of these boats for sale?"

The man sighed

"How about I sell you mine. Not like the trade routes are working nowadays with the new ruler."

I grinned.

"Sure. Here's a thousand gold."

His eyes widened as I handed the heavy sack of gold to him.

"Don't spend it all in one place. So which boat is yours?" I asked the man.

He pointed towards a bright white boat with a trembling finger.

"Sweet. Is their any document I have to sign or something?"

"Yeah. The deed is in the boat. I'll go get it for you to sign."

He speed hobbled off.

After a few minutes of waiting he was back. He now held a white piece of paper in his right hand and a pen in the other.

"Just sign here."

Right under his name which was scratched out. There was another black line which was left blank.

I wrote my name in there.

"Do you know where I can hire a captain?" I asked him

He nodded

"Follow me."

And so I followed him

🐖🐐🐖🐐🐖

He brought me to a black square shaped building with large opaque windows and a black stone walls.

The door of this building was cool blue and it had a red skull and crossbones painted on top of it.

Without a second of hesitation I threw the door open.

I almost had the components assembled for phase one of war one. Which is a war that will be won after completing phase one.

And this makes sense because I am the fucking goat!

….

"Umm hello?" Said the secretary which sat at the front desk.

I had walked into what looked like a classic waiting room.

There was a table with some tea and biscuits sitting on it.

And a chair with a feather pillow on top of it.

It was clearly quite a wealthy establishment.

"Who is your best captain!" I yelled as I walked up to the woman with my classic giga chad swagger.

"Ummm. Ummm."

I slammed my hand down on the desk.

"Who the Fuck gets the results around here!" I screamed.

"Mr noman!" She squealed in response

"Then go get him!" I yelled

She jumped up from her seat and jogged away.

I truly was a genius with customer service employees. It was just another example of my incomparable charm.

I gave my hair a flick.

*tunk! Tunk! Tunk*

Hobbling towards me was a truly strange sight.

A man with six eye patches. Three on each eye, two peg legs and two hooks for hands walked towards me.

He was the definition of the perfect pirate.

But any idiot could tell me was blind and barely able to walk.

Which lead me to ask myself a question.

How did this guy get the most results?