Death and Vodka

Hi, my name is Alice. I am 24 years old, and I am a avarage girl in everything, well, except in cursing, and of course, Im single. You-

' Me?'

Yes, you. You are probably wondering why Im talking to you like this, yeah?

'Not real-'

Well, you see, it's because I'm lonely and I don't have anyone to talk to. Whenever I meet someone they say they don't want to have a relationship with me, just because I curse a little bit. Tsk, bunch of puritan sissies, I hope that somehow a skewer will pierce their asses! Bastards, mother fuckers, whores, unemployed assholes!

'You know I'm your inner voice, basically you're not talking to anyone, you crazy bitch.....'

Fuck you!

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-Third POV-

''Haaaaaaa, HIC* I ReaLLY HIC* NEeD to fuckING stop HIC* DRIking wHENn I FEel down, tHis SHiet is HIC* ReaLLY geTTINg in mY heAD.''

While she was having her monologue with herself, Alice was walking back to the hotel where she was staying after stopping at a liquor store, and instead of waiting, ordering a taxi and drinking in her hotel room, she decided to drink while walking the streets.

She was walking on a narrow street, without much light, and there was no noise other than the sound of some insects and the sound of her shoes hitting the asphalt. On the sides, they looked like vacant lots, with no houses or buildings, just a lot of vegetation.

''HIC* WhEre thE fuUck HIC* I am? ThIS dOEs not HIC* sEEm the wAy to the hotEl HIC*.''

''Huuuh??!! WHat tHe fuCK iS tHAt? HIC*.''

In the middle of the street was a pedestal, white and shining, like polished marble, and in the middle of the pedestal, it seemed to have something red and round. Curious, she went to check, after all, a drunk, curious girl would definitely check something strange like that.

Getting close, she sees what the red thing is, and it was a button written: 'Hit me if you can, little bitch :)'

''HUuh? ThE hECk is ThIS? HIC* ArE Ya mAkiNG FUn of mE? iM GonNa FuckING KiLL yOu, BaSTarD HIC*.''

''Tsk HIC*, THis SHieT BuTTon, Im GoNNA FuCK HIC* yOur hoLe BUttON fAmiLY yAa HEAR ME?!''

Annoyed, she hit the bottle she had in her hand on the red button, after that, nothing happened, until-

*BOOOOOM*

A huge explosion happened where she was, throwing blood and pieces of her body all over the place. And the strangest thing is that it was a huge explosion of fireworks.

After the big explosion of fireworks and human pieces, Alice could only see darkness.

(Some might think the way I wrote her drunk state is bad. Just keep in mind that my point was to make her look so drunk that hardly anyone would understand what she was saying.)

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. (Scene change)

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In a different realm, where everything was white, two people are present watching everything through a astral projection. The smallest figure is a woman, with a well-built body, without any imperfections. She have smooth and shiny skin like porcelain, long red hair, gentle eyes with emerald green iris. Her aura gave the feeling of peace and calm, dressed in a long green dress with gold embroidery.

The biggest figure is a muscular man, blond, with hair up to his shoulder, big beard and bright blue eyes like thunder. He was dressed in simple clothes, but on top he wore a chainmail carved with scriptures shining in gold, on his right side in his waist, there is a gray hammer, it looks just like a normal hammer, but coming closer, you can see several tiny different scriptures carved throughout it. The man's aura gave the feeling of ferocity and strength, like an untamed storm.

The woman sighs, ''I really dont know what to do with your brother anymore, he just made a prank on the mortal world, a prank that should be for GODS, poor mortal soul.'' She says with pity.

The man next to her grunts, ''Mother, Loki crossed the line! He killed a mortal with his pranks! I'll deal with him myself. But what about the mortal soul? She was killed because of a god, and not in a natural way or killed in combat, so she cannot be judged by the Valkyries.''

After thinking for a moment, the smaller figure saiys, ''Thor, I will take care of this human child, you will go after your brother, ok?''

''All right,'' Thor nods his head, ''When I find him, I will make him remember why they call me the strongest God.''

Saying goodbye, Thor swung his hammer and flew to the horizon while large clusters of lightning danced around him.

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. (Scene change)

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-Alice POV-

After what seemed like hours, I finally got out of that place full of darkness that I don't know how, but I was there. And now I find myself in a completely white place. How great, from an all black place to an all white place. Ok, so what's next? Blue? Red? Maybe green?

''Hello, child.''

Hearing a sweet, ethereal voice, I turned around, just to see a completely stunning woman. I never thought I would see such a beautiful woman in my life. Wait, I am still alive right? But I can't move, how weird.

The woman giggles, ''Ufufu, how nice of you to call this old woman beautiful. And to answer your question, no, you are not alive. You died, and I brought your soul here.''

'Okay....so, who are you? Where am I? How the fuck you can read my mind? And where is my god damn Vodka?'

''AraAra, you have a really dirty mouth, don't you?'' She approaches me and pinches my spiritual cheek.

''My name is Frigga, I will not go into details, just know that I am a Goddess and you are in a separate space that I created. About your two last questions, I will refrain from answering them.'' She stops pinching my cheek and her tone turns serious.

''I brought you here because a certain God did something he shouldn't have, resulting in your death. It was our fault, so I'm going to give you two options. Any other questions for now?'' .

'Well, yes, first of all, Frigga? you mean THAT Frigga? Odin's wife and all that shit?'

''Yes, that Frigga, although I separated from Odin some time ago.'' She says with a smile, maybe because I recognized her.

'Right, if you say so, I'm not going to ask about it.....so how the hell did I die? I just remember I was walking on a street, and I saw something shiny and then everthing turned dark.'

''Well, let's just say that you died due to an explosion, you won't want to know the details, believe me. Now enough questions, let's get down to business.'' She gets serious again, and I can feel a little pity in her gaze.

''First of all, I'm really sorry.'' Frigga bowed in apology in front of me.

''Your death was caused by a prank of a God, because of that, the Valkyries cannot collect your soul. If we were not aware of the situation, because of one of our people you would be wandering the earth, alone.'' She explained everything in a voice radiating anger, as if she were really mad at what the God did to me.

'Wow, this is so fucked up.'

I comment without thinking, and I realize I made Frigga even sadder.

I imagine myself scratching my head with some embarrassment, ''Well, my life was really shit, I was always alone so it wouldn't make a difference, you don't need to apologize, it makes me feel weird. So what about those two options you said? What are they?' I say trying to change the subject.

''Ah, yes. You have two options, as I brought you here, the option of wandering the earth no longer exists, so either you can go to Helheim, or you can reincarnate in another world.''

'Woah Woah Woah wait a damn minute hot lady, Helheim? If I'm not mistaken, it's the realm of the dead, like the hell of the bible right?'

''Yes, that one.''

'What the fuck? By any chance are you an AC / DC fan? Why the hell you want to throw me in hell in the first option? You have a problem with me?'

She sighs and gives a tired smile, ''You're as hot-headed as my son, I have no problem with you, child, I even think you're cute. Unfortunately, Valhalla is only open to brave-hearted humans who died in battle, and what you might call limbo is only for those who died in a natural way. So there's only Helheim left for you, but as it was the fault of one of ours, I'm giving you a second option.''

She looks at me with kind eyes and says, ''I will give you the option to reincarnate in a world of your choice, be it a world with magic or with advanced technology, that is if the world exists and if it is within my reach.''

'Wow, that's very kind of you, usually people who know me just want to screw me, something about being politically correct, a bunch of mentally retarded hypocrites.'

I imagine myself placing my hand on my chin and I think for a moment, 'About the worlds, does the One Piece world exist, the anime show? I've always been a big fan, you know! '

She nods and smiles, probably amused by my choice, ''Let me take a look.''

After saying that, she closes her eyes and leaves her arms wide open as if to hug someone, a few seconds later she starts to shine like a star, what a beautiful T pose. A minute later, she stops shining, and slowly returns to her previous relaxed position.

''It seems that this world really exists, and it is within my reach, but do you really want to go there?''She says with a worried face, ''It is an extremely dangerous and corrupt world, I don't think you would fit in that world, after all you come from a world of peace.''

I imagine myself putting my hands on my hips and I say proudly, 'Don't worry, I may have come from a peaceful world on the surface, but at the office every day is a war! Damn boss, I hope you burn in hell. Anyway, I'm going to be reincarnated, right? So I will be born again in that world, I will learn how to survive there..... I think.'

''Okay, if you say so. But I'll worry if you go there with nothing to help....'' She closes her eyes and looks thoughtful, and then she opens her eyes and her face lights up, like she's had a great idea.

''I know! I'll guarantee you a wish! But nothing too exaggerated. I can be a Goddess, but I don't have unlimited power, tell me what you want and I'll see what I can do.'' She says smugly.

'Eeeeh really?! Can I think for a while?'

'' Ufufu, Of course, we still have a lot of time.''

'Yosha!'

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After thinking for a few hours, thinking, thinking and thinking, I finally know what I want! I hope she can fulfill that wish, if not, well, screw it.

''It seems like you made up your mind. Well, I already know what it is, it would be hard not to know with you thinking so loudly, and cursing incessantly too, like, fuck yeah, or super fucking ultra hella amazing, or I'll smash the faces of all the mother fuckers on the floor, or I will hit their balls so hard that they will become little girls, or.....''

'OKAY OKAY I UNDERSTAND, YOU HEARD EVERYTHING!' I yell in shame and she laughs.

'I know you already know, but I will say it anyways, I want a devil fruit, but I want you to create one for me, a unique mythical Zoan fruit, that gives me the powers of a Valkyrie! About to the powers, you decide, I don't want spoilers, it's more fun to discover them on my own!'

'Also, can I decide how I look? I don't want to look average in a fantasy world.'

''Well, about your wish, it would be complicated, but as you want a fruit that gives you the powers of a Valkyrie, then it is not very problematic for me. But I am going to change some powers. And about your appearance, yes, consider it a bonus, I would ask the same thing in your situation.''

Did she just call me ugly? Nah, she wouldn't.

'Thank you! So please make me look like Marika from the anime Mouretsu Pirates!!'

(A / N: just look at the cover.)

''Okay, as you have already decided, I will reincarnate you. And keep in mind that you will be born as a baby, your situation will be completely random, and about the fruit, it will appear to you when you are exactly 15 years old. I will keep your memories, but only about our conversation and some other memories like your day to day. I don't want bad memories from the previous life like traumas to interfere with your new life. Good luck child, and may the gods bless you.'' She pats my head affectionately like a mother caressing her child.

When I was about to show my gratitude, I started to feel my conscience getting cloudy, while leaving that place, I could see Frigga's kind and caring eyes watching me, and after that, I come back to my not too old friend, darkness.