61 Omake: If Mikael travels to Bleach too early.

"Huh," I murmured, scratching my head as I tried to decide what to do in this situation.

Travelling the multiverse was fun, but it wasn't an exact science. When I had promised my wives a visit to versions of their home worlds, I had no idea what version that would be.

As far as I could tell, this was the Bleach world, so I had gotten that right, but in the past.

Way in the past.

So far in the past, humanity had just developed writing.

So I had a few options here.

I could travel to another world, closer in time to 'canon' Bleach.

Or I could take a nap.

It was only seven thousand years or so. Adjusting the time on my Island for my Family was as simple as pulling them into another Dream. Less than a second would pass for them.

On the other hand, I could get a short nap at the same time as answering a bunch of questions I had about history. And get some practice with Haki.

"Bedtime," I said to myself. I folded myself into another fake moon, in a pocket dimension so I wouldn't melt the brains of the nascent civilizations, and set about 'resting.'

*

Ichigo Kurosaki liked to think he was brighter than most would expect him to be.

Sure, he might look, and sometimes act, like a thug, but that was only because people kept pissing him off by trying to bully him or his friends.

Sure, he might have invaded both realms of the dead, but that was only because they kept kidnapping those same friends.

So, in that most recent invasion, Ichigo Kurosaki had noticed a few oddities about Hueco Mundo.

Oddieties like how the Forest of Menos' trees looked less like trees and more like spikes.

Oddities like how the upper layer of the world was curved despite its supposedly 'flat' nature.

Oddities like how the moon in the sky was always in the same position, no matter how far they travelled.

Oddities like how, as they were preparing to leave for the human realm to stop Aizen after rescuing Orihime, a voice called out a familiar name.

A voice so loud that it literally shook the world.

"Yoruichi?"

Dunes rose and fell in a torrent as the sands of Hueco Mundo shook in a great tumult.

The portal was left behind as the Shinigami reacted with alarm, grabbing hold of their unconscious comrades, or the humans who couldn't fly, and rising into the air.

As a whole, the group watched the area warily, ready for another of Aizen's traps or a new hollow.

So, when a white mountain rose over the horizon, all their eyes snapped to it immediately.

Then it kept rising.

And rising.

Soon, Ichigo realized it was not a mountain but a head on a long sinuous neck.

A head that took up the entire horizon.

A head the same shade of white as a hollow's mask.

"Big," Chad grunted the greatest understatement in the history of mankind.

"Hmm?" The Hollow Dragon's questioning hum vibrated their bodies despite being hundreds of miles away. "What are you all doing here so soon?"

"Oh dear," Unohana murmured, eyes not leaving the dragon the head the size of a country.

Kenpachi started laughing madly.

"What an interesting specimen," Mayuri cackled with glee before dissolving into murmurs that Ichigo tuned out. For his own sake.

"Why did you say that name?" Byakuya called out loudly. Though he looked the picture of poise and refinement he always did, Ichigo recognized the tenseness in his posture.

He was afraid, the young man realized.

Good, he wasn't the only one.

A Gillian was smaller than one of this thing's scales.

"Oh, I just thought I felt her here for a second, but it's just that portal," the titanic creature rumbled. Its voice was calm, as if talking about the weather. His every breath stirred up a sandstorm on the endless desert. "Hey, what year is it?"

"2002." Orihime chimed in helpfully.

Kenpachi disappeared as he charged the gargantuan Dragon Hollow, laughing the entire way.

"That's what I thought," the creature sighed. "Manga, not anime, right. Ah, man, I overslept. They're never going to let me live this down."

Kenpachi was still charging.

The dragon was really far away.

"Nothing I can do about that now," it sighed again. "Hold still. I want to get this gunk off."

The world shook.

For the next minute, the invasion force tried to stay alive as Hueco Mundo came apart around them.

Sand and stone disappeared as Ichigo watched great white wings burst from the ground and shake. He saw the crumbling remains of Las Noches fall and realized the trip from the Menos Forest to the massive building, which had taken so long, had only been the distance of half of one wing.

And this thing had six.

Below was a genuinely titanic white body coiled around a glittering jewel. Most of the desert fell through the gem onto the lush island below.

"Eh, I guess the Island is getting another dessert," it shrugged casually. As if it hadn't just killed pretty much every hollow in existence. "The stronger ones probably survived, though. I'll have to tell the others to keep an eye out for stray Adjuchas or Vasto Lords."

Kenpachi was still charging!

The Hollow Dragon blew a puff of air like one would do to an annoying fly, and Kenpachi flew back with the speed of a bullet.

"Give me a second," it raised a claw the size of a city. "It's been a few thousand years, but I think I've got it this time."

The moon, once hovering in the sky above their head as usual, descended on them. It shrank as it got closer, until it was ten feet from them and the size of a car.

Then it cracked like an egg.

From that egg, a man emerged.

"Got it right that time!" The man cheered as he emerged from his lunar cocoon. His voice was the same as the dragons, though much quieter.

He was also naked.

And stretching.

"Eep!" Orihime flushed and hid her face in her hands.

"Oh my," Unohana murmured appreciatively.

"Nemu! Seize him," Mayuri cried as he withdrew a syringe.

"Yes, Sir," the lieutenant answered and lunged at the naked man.

The naked man did not seem to acknowledge either of them, though he did reach out to poke the woman as she approached.

Nemu fell to the ground with a loud moan, shuddering and twitching.

"Eep!" Orihime's flush deepened as she recovered her eyes from peaking.

"Oh my," Unohana murmured again.

"Those used to pain are rarely so used to pleasure," the man explained with a nod as he backhanded the 12th division captain. Mayuri flew off towards Kenpachi, crashing into the charging captain. "But where are my manners? The name is Mikael," he said with a flourishing bow. "I am a big fan of your work as the first Kenpachi, great murdering you did there. And one of my wives would love to speak with you about your healing later."

Unohana froze, eyes open to their fullest extent for the first time Ichigo had ever seen since meeting her.

"You have something on your back," Chad pointed out.

"It's nothing," the 'man' waived off with one hand as he casually sliced the tentacles growing out of his back with the other. "Been some time since I've been in a human body. Getting used to it again takes a bit. Back me up, Ichigo. One abomination of nature to another."

"What?" The strawberry asked, still trying to catch up to the change in his worldview from the last few minutes.

"Don't worry," Mikael put a hand on the ginger's shoulder in solidarity. "We all go through it at one point or another. Part growing that weren't there before. The changes are natural. Just a sign of growth. I'll be around to answer any questions you have in this difficult time of your life."

Ichigo got the distinct impression he was being messed with.

Renji was cackling in the background.

When in doubt, punch it.

"Put some clothes on, you pervert!"

As the words left his mouth, Ichigo realized that might be why this guy was looking for Yoruichi. They were both massive perverts.

"I am not a pervert," the naked man/dragon/hollow/thing denied as he sidestepped the punch. "I am THE pervert. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a Keikaku to ruin, a pussy to find, and mayhem to cause. Tootles."

Then the strange, powerful thing sauntered through the portal while whistling.

"What just happened?" Ichigo asked.

"I have no fucking clue."

The entire party took a quick step back.

Finding out the entirety of Hueco Mundo was on the back of a massive dragon and watching it be destroyed was one thing.

But hearing Byakuya Kuchiki swear was just wrong.