37 Twin Vipers

"It's the King! The King has returned!"

The hall split in half, making a straight line to the Iron Throne, where my two uncles stood at its feet. Wherever my gaze went, I saw smiles and cheerful masks of countless highborn. I kept walking forward. 

"Back from your triumphant adventure at last."

Renly's cheerful words echoed with charisma as they always did. He met me with open arms, and I accepted his embrace with a smile. He grabbed my shoulders and retreated with a shocked expression.

"Look at you; you're just as tall as Robert was!"

"Am I?" I tilted my head slightly. "This armour has grown rather tight, I'll admit."

"Well done." Stannis nodded, joining Renly. "You've brought the Vale back into the fold and defeated all the mountain clans that plagued that region. Your father would have been proud."

"It was not just me, uncle." I glanced back. "I had my Kingsguard, the Hound, Ser Garlan, the lords and knights of the Vale and the people's support."

"Do not act so modest, Your Grace." Renly chuckled. "I know you better."

"Heh." I smiled. "Mayhaps I alone defeated over a thousand... but the rest fell to other men."

"A thousand?" 

I heard an amused voice as someone cut through the crowd. As she did so, a relatively short woman who looked to be in her early twenties with olive skin came into view. Her large, dark eyes met mine before looking down and up again. She was sizing me up... without the slightest of shame. 

I happened to do the same... it was difficult not to look down, given her height. Admittedly, the first thing that caught my eye was her rather large and round breasts. I wasn't looking for them... but they were quite hard to miss. In general, she was beautiful and buxom with thick, long black hair that curled towards the end and full lips that pursed together.

Only one name came to mind... it was Princess Arianne Martell.

"Gods, what do they feed you?" She came closer, having a feel of my left arm and observing my body closely. She then looked back at me with glistening eyes. "Are you truly two-and-ten?"

"... Yes." I nodded, curling my lips into a hint of a smile. "I believe it's rather discourteous to run up to people and start touching them up without the slightest of introductions."

"Well..." She smiled, glancing to the side before looking back at me. "Forgive me, Your Grace. It's rather hard to restrain myself before such a handsome, towering figure. Besides, if you had done the same to me... I wouldn't have considered it discourteous."

She's not shy when it comes to shooting her shot, that's for sure.

"..." Stannis cleared his throat, stepping between us. "This is the Princess Arianne of House Martell. She is one of the guests that arrived alongside Oberyn Martell some moons ago."

"The wait for you has been dull... but more than worthwhile-"

"Tales of your bravery and legendary martial prowess from the Vale have spread so far that it's all we ever hear about here in the Red Keep."

Margaery interrupted with a curtsy and charming smile. 

Arianne glanced to the side, staring daggers at Margaery. 

"... I hope you didn't grow tired of them." I chuckled.

"I am glad that you returned safely, Your Grace." Between their silent clash, Sansa managed to slip in. "I prayed for your victory day and night."

"That's sweet of you, Sansa." I smiled, nodding.

"He didn't need your praying," Arya spoke disapprovingly.

I was surrounded on all sides...

Before Stannis could interrupt, Renly did.

"Ladies, I am aware that my nephew is beyond charming, but you need not swarm him from all sides." Renly stepped in, realising the predicament I was in. He then turned to me "His Grace must be weary from the arduous ride to King's Landing. Thirsty for some fine wine and wholly hungry, no less. A young giant like him needs plenty of food!"

"I need a steaming hot bath as well." I nodded with a smile. "The Gods know I stink worse than the depths of Pisswater Bend."

"All will be arranged." Renly nodded. "Rest easy... you have returned home."

Home... King's Landing. 

Only one place in the Seven Kingdoms truly felt like home to me... and it was most certainly not the stinking King's Landing.

Even so, my duty chained me to it.

~

I ate my share at the dining hall, which was far more than anyone else had eaten. My stomach sometimes felt like a bottomless void that just took, took and took. It was difficult to not seem like a barbarian as I munched an amount that would probably be enough to feed five men.

Afterwards, I got my bath and cleaned myself thoroughly. Though I was provided servants for it, I preferred to do it myself. I closed my eyes and relaxed for once in quite some time. Though... my mind was not in peace for long.

300 AC was on the horizon and, with it, more challenges...

By the sound of things, Euron hadn't shown himself. The Ironborn were crippled, so it is doubtful that he would show himself anytime soon. Daenerys will likely decline my offer to return home and build her forces as she would typically have. Mance Rayder and his wildlings will attack the North, though Robb should be able to defeat them with the North's banners and possibly allow them south of the Wall through an agreement... if not crush them completely.

The greatest of all... was the Night King.

How many years did I have before he and his forces attacked the Wall... two, three? Undoubtedly, he will be much stronger than the Show's counterpart. Otherwise, it would be too easy. All I would need is a Valyrian steel arrow and clear sight of him. Mr Targaryen would only grant me all these blessings with a true challenge to go with them.

...

After my bath, I decided to look for Oberyn Martell, who was absent from my welcoming party. I found him and Dorian chilling in the library, of all places. They were undoubtedly friendly.

"The King has returned," Oberyn remarked and stood up, which made Dorian turn and do the same.

"Ah..." Dorian grinned, showing his sharp teeth. "You seem to have enjoyed yourself in the Vale, Your Grace, given that you spent nearly six moons away from King's Landing."

"I hope nothing grave happened in my absence." I smiled slightly.

"Ah, the usual stags poking at each other." Dorian turned to Oberyn. "This is the famed Red Viper, Oberyn Martell. Your Small Council advisor, I am told."

"It is a pleasure to see the boy king everyone seems so passionate about in the flesh." Oberyn nodded, smiling. "Though... you are hardly a boy. Are you certain that you are not a giant's bastard?"

"Sometimes, I am not so sure myself." I smiled, not taking offence to his remark and taking it as a compliment. If anything, my fondest memories were as a bastard. "Was the Prince of Dorne pleased with my gifts?"

"All of Dorne was pleased with your gifts," Oberyn said, keeping his smile. "The shattered skull and body of Lord Tywin, the remains of the Mountain and his dog Ser Amory. The fall from grace for House Lannister as well. All fine gifts."

"I am glad to hear that." I nodded, slowly changing my smile to a more empathetic expression. "I am aware that the Martells haven't been close with the Baratheons, if ever. The incident with Elia..."

"You were not even born." He pat my shoulder, shaking his head. "Do not fret so much; I am not a man who believes the son should carry the sins of his father."

"I am thankful," I replied with a slight smile. "It has been my wish to see the Seven Kingdoms be whole again ever since the Lannisters rose in rebellion."

"You have accomplished that." Oberyn nodded, removing his arm. "You serve a good King, Dorian."

"We do, indeed." Dorian turned to Oberyn as he corrected him. "This Red Viper is among the most interesting men I have ever met... and that is not an easy list to make."

"You two know each other from before?" I questioned.

"Aye, this dornish snake used to be a sellsword like me, and we happened upon each other in an inn." Dorian chuckled. "He said he could throw knives better than me... and bet good money on it, to his misfortune."

"Never has there been a better knife thrower than Dorian Daggerhand." Oberyn smiled, turning to the table and sitting down. "Stole quite a bit of gold from me, he did. We fought once or twice as well."

"Thrice, in truth. I let you live all three times." Dorian chuckled.

What hasn't this Dorian done?

"I recall you begging for an antidote to my poison, no?"

"Hm... I don't quite recall that." Dorian stroked his chin with a slight grin. 

"I could remind you."

Dorian smiled. "Alas, as you can see, we are a similar beast, Oberyn and I. Men who tend to grow bored and seek the world."

"Two serpents in a pit." I chuckled. "Well, don't stand on ceremony. Sit."

I hung out with Oberyn and Dorian for quite a while. One spoke about all types of poisons while the other informed me of the matters of King's Landing alongside his accomplishments over the months.

"The streets are as clean as they could ever be." Dorian proudly announced, having a celebratory sip of wine. "Oh... and that Bryce boy. Since you left him in the Red Keep, I took him under my wing as a man of the watch for a time."

"Suppose he wanted more action," I remarked, smiling. "Did he do well?"

"Naturally. The boy has a nose for justice and is a good lad. He helps anyone he can, with or without payment."

"Aye... he was the hardest worker in my little village near Storm's End."

Bryce, while more trained than before, wasn't someone I wanted with me in the Vale. It would have been far too dangerous... if anything, I likely would've lost him at the second battle of Mistwood if not before.

"He still has a ways to go before he can lead men," Dorian remarked. "Still... he is an example of what a man of the gold cloaks should aspire to be like. As for my successor, I've already trained one, and he is more than ready to take my place."

"Good." I nodded. "Then you can move on to other duties."

"Naturally." Dorian smiled.

"The boy King has you working hard, Dorian." Oberyn laughed. "How much are you being paid?"

"Not enough, sadly." Dorian made a sorrowful expression, sighing. "I am overworked, stressed, and there is not an ounce of pleasure in my dull life..."

"Sounds like an awful living." Oberyn chuckled, playing along with his jest. "The King is cruel to his loyal subject."

"..." I chuckled, shaking my head. "Don't take the piss; your daily wage is enough to buy a knight's destrier. By now, you're richer than many lords if you didn't waste all your gold."

"Greater responsibilities but no pay rise in sight." Dorian sighed once more. "I might have to take my talents to Queen Daenerys Stormborn instead."

"... Queen, huh?" I raised an eyebrow. "Sounds like you've already made up your mind."

"In all seriousness, I feel like going out and spending some of my well-earned gold." Dorian changed his expression, smiling. "You wouldn't mind that, would you, Your Grace?"

"And where would you be going, exactly?"

"I'd quite like a beautiful valyrian girl's mouth and tits around my cock, for a start." Dorian sat back, smiling. "Lys the Lovely treats me very kindly, Your Grace... and it has been too long since I've felt that land's warmth. I plan to arrange a gift for you, too. Several gifts, in truth, from several of the Free Cities."

"Oh?" I raised an eyebrow. "What can you give me that I don't already have?"

"Oh, you'd love my gifts." Dorian shrugged. "Though, it's no fun if I tell you what they are."

"Dorian never gives half-hearted gifts," Oberyn added. "You will most certainly like them."

"You have my curiosity." I nodded. "You may leave whenever you wish. Don't take too long, however."

"I will try to be swift."

Given his track record with me, I had no reason to mistrust him. Besides, I don't imagine keeping Dorian against his will would benefit me much. If anything, he is one of my more loyal and faithful subjects - despite starting as a sellsword and having a layer of mystery. 

In terms of gifts... I wonder what he has in mind.