22 Heavy Remorse and Even Heavier Shame

But that was all in the past. Neither Heather nor Don had anything to do with Martin now.

"I didn't know you moved to a bigger city," said Don. "I lost sight of you somehow. You know, I only follow the competition, and you ... "

Yes, Martin knew perfectly well that in Don's eyes he was not someone worthy of attention, and he was fine with it. Some people you want in your life, others you don't. For Martin, Alston belonged to the latter group.

"I didn't expect to see you here either," replied Martin. "I heard that you are moving abroad."

"I decided to stay in the country," he announced. "I guess I'm too much of a patriot. I'm just doing routine medical examinations for a new job. "

"Oh, congratulations."

In fact, Martin had no interest in what was going on in Alston's life.

"And you…?" Don continued, "You don't have any problems, you know, with that ...?" he looked around the hospital.

"No, I'm okay," said Martin irritably. Yeah, as if there was something wrong with him, he would immediately run to Alston to cry on his shirt! Yeah, sure!! "My neighbor has an accident."

"You've always had a good heart. Such a good scout boy" he mocked. "Look, I'd like to talk some more, but I have an appointment. I'll call you! "

"Sure. See you soon!"

Martin doubted Don had his phone number at all.

The whole conversation was polite and smiling, and no one on the outside would say that the two men didn't like each other. And yet they didn't like each other so much that Martin's mood deteriorated noticeably. And yet Martin wanted to spend the day happily shopping, looking for something Steve would like.

The young mechanic had no idea that the moment he thought Paxton's name, his whole face lit up and his mouth grinned broadly.

Meeting a colleague he disliked spoiled Martin's mood, but he was not one of the people to whom such a small thing could spoil the day. However, he did not go shopping or to the hairdresser because he was worried about the little ones left at Mrs. Tyson's. Martin knew, of course, that they were perfectly safe in her care, but they were definitely worried about grandma, and their mother still had to stay in the hospital. Probably mom called Mrs. Tyson and explained everything, but Martin preferred to see the kids himself and assure that grandma would be all right.

Martin returned home in the early afternoon. Mrs. Tyson greeted him warmly and said that she would not let him go until he had lunch with them. While waiting for the chili to be ready, Martin told the kids about their grandmother.

After the meal, the four of them went out into the fresh air, although Mrs. Tyson returned quickly to her apartment. The heat wasn't good for her health either.

Towards evening the mother of the children appeared and took them home. She thanked Martin profusely once more, embarrassing him again. Martin scratched his head embarrassedly and walked into the house right after them. Though the day was still young, he was more tired than after working all day at the Fergus Stables. Shopping and hairdresser will have to wait. Now Martin felt the need for a refreshing cold shower and to watch some TV show that would allow him to relax.

Steve Paxton looked away as soon as Martin entered the building where he lived. It was not difficult for him to get the address of the young mechanic, so he came here almost without thinking. Steve had no plan, only one thought, one desire - to apologize.

As Paxton approached the building where Martin lived, he saw a mechanic playing with two young children. He paused in surprise. These were definitely not Martin's children. The boy was way too young! Younger siblings? No, the kids had a definitely darker complexion. And yet Martin, clearly cheerful, was swinging the laughing kids on the swing. All three looked like a happy family.

Whoever these children were to Martin, the boy treated them very well. The sight of his laughing face tightened Paxton's throat. This is what Martin looks like when he's happy? This is what his sincere smile looks like? Is this the man Steve hurt?

He felt heavy remorse and even heavier shame. Steve couldn't summon enough courage to approach Martin and the children and spoil this happy moment with his presence. Then a woman came - probably the mother of the children - and took them inside. Martin stood alone for a moment, apparently wondering what to do next? His face was thoughtful and his eyes were full of warmth. Paxton had already flinched to approach him, but Martin turned and entered the building. At this point, the driver's legs locked him in place. He was unable to take another step towards the young man. He turned, feeling his heart pounding.

He lacked the courage.

The driver used to glance at Martin at work. Steve didn't know when he had developed this habit himself. Martin was full of youthful enthusiasm and love for motorsports. He was always diligent in his work and the Paxton, whose car he worked on, could not find fault in him. Although Martin was only one of the many mechanics in the stable, he was really conspicuous. He was noticeable not by his beauty, but by his cheerful and energetic way of being.

Martin had the purity of his eyes and heart. He was like a white snowflake - a tiny, unique piece of art because there will never be two identical snowflakes. Steve wanted to touch the petal, but his tar-caked hands stained its purity. The heart did not have the courage to face its own sins.

Paxton nervously reached for a cigarette. His hands were trembling. He was walking fast, very fast, to leave this place as quickly as possible. He needed a drink.

On the opposite side of the river, a group of teenagers was playing. Their joyful laughter spread over the water and clearly reached Steve sitting on the grass. Was he, being their age, also so carefree and joyful? Paxton couldn't remember.

Steve took a sip from the can. Bubbles hit his nose.

"Oh! I thought it was you! " behind him he heard the surprised voice of Jack Lambert. "I saw your car as I drove and was so surprised I had to spy out what are you doing?"

Lambert unceremoniously, without asking permission, sat down next to Paxton. Steve reached into his grocery bag and tossed the can at his friend.

"What? Cola? " Jack was surprised. "The weather begs for a can of chilled beer."

"Sold out," Steve lied. After he felt a great urge to drink, he stopped by the grocery store and was reaching for a chilled beer when his hand stopped by itself. Two of Martin's faces appeared before the man's eyes. One was happily smiling, the other expressed fear, resignation and humiliation. Paxton reached for a can of cola.

"No wonder, on a day like this" Jack Lambert was deceived. "But the heat ...!"

They both drank in silence for a while, then Jack couldn't stand the silence.

"I didn't think you were someone who would sit by the river on such a day and plunge into melancholy without even drinking alcohol."

"Yes, the bottle fits me perfectly," Steve admitted bitterly.

Lambert wasn't a stupid guy. He sensed something was wrong. Steve was not very sensitive to the moods of others, but even he realized that Jack was starting to show anxiety.

"What?" He asked looking at his friend.

"Martin is a good boy ..."

"What? What are you talking about?" Steve felt himself turn pale.

"I know what you did to him. Twice."

The surprise was so great that Paxton could neither move nor make his voice out. Eventually he began to recover.

"Whence…? Did he…?" he asked Lambert.

"I figured it out. He just confirmed. He's a good, honest boy. He doesn't deserve what you do to him. "

That's right, he didn't deserve it. Nobody deserved this behavior. Steve knew that, so against his instincts, he wasn't going to defend himself. He lowered his head.

"You know Martin has a girlfriend? Previously, he talked about her a lot and was happy. Now…" Jack sighed. He didn't have to finish his thoughts.

Steve's head dropped even lower.

"What are you going to do with it?" Jack asked softly. "Your behavior affects this boy's whole life. He is young and stunned to be in GP2. Did you know that you are his idol? You mess with his head more than you think. Will you take responsibility for it? "

Paxton didn't answer. He couldn't get his voice out. Anyway, even if he could say something, he wouldn't know what. His head was completely empty.

Jack stood up and, without saying anything else, patted Steve gently on the shoulder. He did it not for Paxton himself, but for Martin. If the young mechanic was to have a chance for any happiness - whether with Steve or without - these two had to clear the atmosphere between them and bring their relationship to a straight line. Either they start thinking about each other seriously or their paths should diverge once and for all.