32 Don't Go

Martin was heartbroken not for the first time in his life, but that didn't mean it hurt less. It hurt even more.

Of course, he couldn't really blame Steve for not loving him. As a guy, he knew that physical attraction didn't necessarily go hand in hand with feelings. Martin was physically attractive to Paxton, but nothing more. Steve has never suggested otherwise. It was Martin himself who built his hopes. It was he himself who introduced himself to this world of illusion. Therefore, he was solely responsible for his suffering.

Someone might argue that it was Paxton's fault after all, because he was the one who dragged Martin to bed and consequently into this strange, overvalued world where everything was upside down. Except that what Martin said was true - if it were someone else, than Steve, he would defend himself more. He gave up so quickly because it was Steve. Pxton was tempted by physical pleasure, but so was he. How can he blame him then?

But that didn't change the fact that Martin suffered. He awakened hope in himself, discovered love in himself and what for? Only to experience such a terrible disappointment?

"Martin!" the boy suddenly heard a call coming from the door to the bar. Surprised, he turned to see Steve looking around nervously.

Did Paxton just run out of the bar after him?

"You are here!" the driver ran up to him and breathed a sigh of relief. "I was so worried," he added softly.

"You? Worried? Why? " Martin asked as he fought back tears.

"Let me drive you home." Paxton ignored his question. "I know you don't want to see me now, but ..."

Steve obviously wanted to say something but couldn't. But Martin didn't want to play guessing games.

"What, are you afraid that I will throw myself in front of the car out of despair?" he asked sarcastically. "Don't you think ... Steve, what's going on?"

Paxton suddenly turned pale and his gaze seemed absent. This unexpected change frightened the young mechanic.

" Did you get food poisoning or something? Steve? "

Paxton looked like he was actually feeling sick. He staggered to the wall. He leaned against her with one hand and leaned forward. He looked like he was gasping for breath.

This worried Martin not in jest. He was already reaching into his pocket for his phone to call an ambulance.

"Don't go ... alone ..." Steve muttered.

"What?" Martin wasn't sure he heard it right. He had no idea what to do, so he looked around for some support. But he saw no one nearby. "I think you should go to the hospital," he suggested.

Paxton sat down heavily on the ground, leaning against the wall.

"It will pass in a moment," he explained. "Give me a moment."

Martin could have given him all the moments of the universe, only he was so worried that he began to look like he needed medical attention. But he had to pull himself together and not panic. Now something was wrong with Steve and he needed his attention.

"It's not the first time?" He asked.

"Not the first," Paxton admitted, and began to rise from the ground. "It's ok. I'm sorry to scare you."

"For sure? You still don't look well. "

"Do not worry about me."

For some reason, Paxton's tone was harsh. As if he wanted to push Martin and his concern away. It probably was, but despite being rejected, Martin was unable to leave the man he loved in serious need. Maybe he should, but if he had left Steve unattended, he wouldn't be able to sleep peacefully.

"Give me the keys," he held out his hand to Paxton. "I'll drive you to the hotel and we'll say goodbye there."

"You shouldn't be doing this to yourself."

"What? Everything is clear between us. We are work colleagues. As a friend, I can't drive you home when you look like you're about to pass out? I don't want you to cause an accident. "

At the word 'accident' Paxton turned pale again and obediently fished for his keys from his pocket. As he handed them to Martin, his hand trembled.

Martin was surprised that, instead of going to the road, a luxury hotel this time drove Paxton to a much more modest neighborhood just outside the city. Here his sports car had to stand out in the parking lot under the blocks.

"Thanks," Steve said as he got out. While driving, they did not exchange a word other than giving a new address. "You can drive home if you want."

"What? With your car? Thanks, but I won't take responsibility if someone unscrews his rims," Martin announced as he locked the car and tossed Steve's keys. "Anyway, it is not far from here. See you soon!"

Without waiting for a reply, Martin started on his way. It was still quite early so Steve saw the boy disappear around the corner. He felt rotten about what he did to this boy today, but it was better to shatter his hopes now than to let his feelings develop further. Why give him hope for a relationship that will never be able to exist?

Paxton was so deep in thought that he didn't even notice Karl Walton coming up to him.

"Still have any relationship with this boy?" He asked.

"None," he replied. "Today we explained everything to ourselves. There will be no problems."

"Are you sure? So why was he driving you home? You don't smell alcohol."

"Did you come to see me for any particular reason?" Paxton asked, ignoring his earlier statement and heading towards the building where he lived.

"Actually for two," Karl announced, following him.

Walton frowned as they entered the apartment. The almost completely empty interior stared at him, in which there were literally a few pieces of furniture that looked as if it should have been thrown away a long time ago. Probably they were left after the previous owner, who did not want to take the trouble of collecting this rubbish.

"You arranged it nicely," Karl remarked, looking mesmerized at the old, worn-out furniture. "So stylish."

Karl was actually Steve's only friend, but there are days when even the best friend isn't welcome.

"So what did you want to talk about?" Paxton urged.

Walton sat down carefully in one of the old armchairs, silently praying that it wouldn't collapse under his weight.

"I wanted to see how you live, that one," he explained. "Two - how do you like our new driver?"

"Why are you asking me this?" Paxton took the other chair.

"Because you and Jack are the backbone of this stable."

"We don't hire people."

"That's right, but you ride with them."

"You don't like Alston," Steve remarked. "If you liked him, you would have hired him."

"You're right," Karl admitted with a sigh. "The boy doesn't drive too badly, but I don't see any potential in him. The father fired him for his sponsor's money. "

"We need a third driver. We can't do everything with Jack, especially since we're about to start the season and he has to save his leg. I can't do everything alone. "

"Yes, I'm sorry. Actually, we should have found someone long ago, but I didn't want to hire anyone. You didn't even have time to rest. You look tired. How are you doing?"

"Fine," he lied.

"And that little mechanic?"

Steve wasn't sure what Karl was asking him about. Walton must have figured it out because he added:

"I thought you liked him."

"He's a good boy," he admitted. "He is honest, hardworking and sincere. He knows his job. "

"But I am asking privately. Do you like him in private? "

"You can be at ease, there will be no problems between us."

"You're avoiding answering my question."

"Don't you find it too personal? But if you want to know so much, no, I don't like him in private. Are you happy?"

"Actually, I'm not ..."

Karl got up and went to the window. The view was not the most interesting because it showed the parking lot and nearby buildings.

"We're going to set a wedding date with Anna," he announced. "Probably in early July."

"Congratulations."

"Anna said you had a serious conversation with Mrs. Robson."

"And do we two have to talk about it?"

"You moved out of the hotel. I know you stopped drinking. Allen has been praising you a lot lately."

"Allen always praised me," Paxton snapped. "I'm the best driver."

"Not always. Don't get me wrong, you are a great driver but your personality leaves a lot to be desired. Since Hannah's accident ... "

"Don't talk ..." he interrupted abruptly. "Don't talk about Hannah today ..."

There was some nervousness in Paxton's voice. Karl turned abruptly to see the driver's fingers tightening on the arms of the old seat. Walton's eyes widened in fear. He was sure Steve was over it!

"Where are your pills?" he asked trying not to panic.

"I do not have! Give me a break."

"Are you out of?"

"I haven't taken them in a long time," Steve growled in response.

Yes, Karl knew that. How could he have forgotten it?

Steve had been doing well for months, so he was allowed to drive races. Racing seemed to be the best remedy for him. Paxton loved racing so when he got on the track everything else was gone, there was only him, the car and the track. It is true that he sometimes got drunk and messed up, but everything was very 'bad boy' behavior, so everyone tolerated it. Recently, however, something has had to change.

Did the lack of an extra driver really make Steve and Jack overworked and reduce their coping skills? Maybe it was Mrs. Robson's request and abstinence from stimulants that made Paxton harder to endure certain situations while in rehab? Or maybe that night Steve had crossed certain boundaries with Martin that he himself could not accept? After what happened with Hannah, Steve didn't ...

How could Karl have forgotten about it?! After what happened with Hannah, Steve never even touched a man! For some reason, he spent the night with a young mechanic from their stable and suddenly everything started to go wrong!

Without a word, Walton walked over to his chair and hugged Steve, shivering. If a driver has similar attacks, he will be excluded from racing for his own good, but what will happen to Steve as a human if he is taken from the only thing that allowed him to find peace?