1 Johnathan

Would you choose love over duty?

I mean everyone is entitled to their choice but_

By the end of this, I hope you'll understand why I made the choice that I did and why he did.

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|QUEER PLATONIC|

_~•~_

'You came here to return my shirt?' My sorta friend hookup, Matthew yelled in disbelief.

How the hell do you catch breakup vibes from a hookup?! What was with these fellas and attachments?

I held out the piece of white fabric for him, he looked at it disgustedly before snatching it and tossing it across his room.

The fabric lurched to a chair's projection barely touching the carpeted floor. Coral light seeped into the darkening room, the chair's lengthened shadow portrayed on the carpet, climbing the sprawled white sheets, scholastics, and brown duvet fiasco.

'Shhh! Could you quiet down..' Matthew made a face stepping back to dodge my saliva onslaughts. 'Your mom is right across here!' I bounced onto my toes groaning at the thought.

'Yah!' He retorted making it seem obvious. 'Like she was for the past nights when I was fπcking you in here!' He aggressively pointed at the door, left ajar, and at the floor but whispered the deed.

I roughly cupped my hair. What was wrong with him? Couldn't he realize how unnecessary his drama was?

We used to hook up, he knew it. What was with his newfound attachment now that I was moving away? Of course, he didn't know I was.

'Exactly..' I expressed the word longly. 'It was just that! So chill!' The curtain billowed exposing a section of the tangerine sun slipping behind the neighboring complex building, and the sound of papers flipping shortly filled the room.

'So you're breaking up with me?' He ran his hands through his nutty hair, walking to the large dresser and leaning with his elbows against its top. Behind him leaning against the wall was a small wall mirror with photos of his friends stuck around it, reflecting the back of his head.

Besides it was a framed photo of us. He noticed it had caught my attention so he loudly turned it down and I heard the glass split.

'Answer me!' He bellowed sending the dresser trembling from the force. I swallowed ignoring hard it was to with the growing lump in my throat.

'How can we break up when we weren't together in the first place?' I raised my eyes to his unrelenting amber eyes. His eyebrows jumped up when he scoffed.

'Samuelle! We went on dates, we met each other's parents, I introduced you to my friends. We have social media accounts together and everyone knows we are a couple!' He darted to me hunching to further look me in the eye.

'I guess we have to set things straight!' I broke eye contact waltzing past him to support myself against the dresser, half my torso barely touching the edge.

It was silent again and the sound of a car honk outside got our attention. It was almost sundown and Danielle was here to pick me up. Matthew's mum yelled for me not long after.

He just silently watched me, our eyes did the talking and I knew he didn't like this conversation.

'Then why did you say yes when I asked you to be my girlfriend?' His breathy voice took the weight from my eyes.

'Mat_Matthew I dd_didn't say yes, remember?' I hesitantly spoke creasing my brows, silently pleading for him to let it go.

'But, you kissed me.' He bitterly laughed it off. 'A kiss means a yes, right?' A tear escaped his eye wetting his cheekbones to his jawline. He knew what I was going to say. He just wanted reassurance but I shook my head.

Matthew was a gorgeous man, that I gave him. Kind and respectful too.

He shouldn't have befriended me but he did either way.

I appreciated it. Always have.

He scoffed. 'Ouch!' Just like that, he turned around and disappeared behind the door on the right, knocking over the books on the edge of his study table.

A paper slipped out of one of the books and I recognized it. The cursive writing embedded on its outside, the reason I came in the first place.

He returned and tossed a jacket at me. 'I believe that's yours!' He strolled to his bed pushing the scholastics off and imposing himself on it.

'I am sorry_' I apologized not able to take my eyes off the paper. I quickly picked it up slowly opening it. Matthew popped onto his elbows, a worried look flashed before my eyes and then he was the same as before.

'That there is why you're here right?' He sat up taking my attention from the paper. He calmly walked and snatched it from me, I didn't fight. I could guess what was in it.

'I suppose, that's if you're that worried!' I scoffed shaking my head. He laughed.

'Sammy..I didn't want this whole situation to get this complicated but you had to!' He looked at me not hiding his disappointment. 'You and I both know there was more to this whole.. situation!'

'I am afraid the feeling wasn't mutual.' I calmly folded the jacket and propped it on my arm.

He laughed painfully. 'Yeah..maybe!' He returned the paper into one if his books and begun to stack them.

I watched from above not bothering to say a word.

'How did you find out?'

I shrugged. He couldn't see but he knew I'd done it. 'Like I always say, I am not smart but I am not stupid either!'

'I know that.' He looked at me, his eyes reflecting no particular emotion. But I caught on to one, humor. Dark humor.

'Unfortunately, the choice wasn't as hard as I'd expected.' He inhaled.

'She was always the better choice!' We both spoke, no time lag.

His wide confused eyes shot up.

He'd said it matter-of-fact but I'd said it mercilessly, there wasn't anything better that

bolted out the door without a second thought to the door downstairs, it was getting late for us to travel.

Matthew would figure it out later, he was smart. Smarter than me and my textbooks combined.

It wasn't the finest friends parting and that I regret. Always will.

I scurried out of the house intruding myself in the ongoing conversation between the parents. It took seconds of meddling in the sombre coral coloration of divergent sun rays, bizarre whispers of the now assertive breeze and the mood clashing environment, for me to be overcome by angst. I quickly slipped into the cars ignoring the distant fading background of noises, some that somehow sounded like my name.

I now felt the true mood clash; It was ill-lit in here, cold and impenetrably silent. No coloration. Just inaudible imaginary whispers and gloom. Positioning myself furthest from mama Matthew's shape and behind Danielle's seat, I'd be left alone.

Their chit chat was cut short not long after my dramatic exit.

Danielle got into the car somewhat distancing herself from me. This wasn't new. That was the idea anyway.