74 3. [EXTRA] [Yong Guan's Point Of View]

There was a blast of thunder and the crash of wood. The air seems colder, and the sun was enveloped with a layer of dark clouds, surpassing the warm light that was supposed to drizzle in every corner.

It was dark. Empty. Lonely.

No matter how colorful life was and how many different kind of shades were painted in every emotion, for me, in my eyes, they all looked the same. Black.

A groan escape in my mouth, and the person behind me seems ignited by my voice. The sound of the whipping turned faster and heavier, with my naked back burning in pain, I remain motionless.

"You brat! If it weren't for you, I should've served the other prince and gain many benefits! Hah. Why do I have to be the unlucky one?" His voice was filled with anger and bitterness. I can feel how intense his vexation was, and at that moment, I turned my eyes and met his scorching gaze. He frowned and made the lashing more painful.

Is that anger in his eyes?

It was strange and mysterious but also interesting.

Ever since I was born, I was already considered as the taboo in this dynasty. My mother whom, I didn't even see, was only a palace maid, and my father was the current ruler of this country. My birth was the result of the misfortune of the Emperor, and seeing me, his son, his eyes will always full of disgust and anger.

I never really care about these things. In my perspective, all the things, person nor feelings were blunt. It was lifeless and boring. I never indulge myself in their so-called pity and disgust.

In fact, I was a living corpse.

Even anger or sadness, I couldn't feel it at all, let alone joy and excitement.

The nanny who took care of me for five years, unexpectedly die at the hands of my father's concubine. Her corpse remains in my room, eyes begging for mercy and tears who represent her sadness. She run in my room, full of blood, and tried to tell me that the concubine wanted to kill her. I remember that the nanny only demanded the money for my needs, but she came back at this state. She knew she wouldn't last too long and choose to remind me to take care of myself, as she couldn't to that in the future.

I should shed tears nor feel sad. But my eyes remained expressionless while staring at her, slowly closing her eyes.

My next servant was a male, the moment he saw me, I knew that he already doesn't like me. He become angrier when he feels that I was unresponsive and blank. My life who was in lack of substance welcome the abuse of this new servant.

He tries to beat me whenever he feels he likes it, my custody was inserted in his pocket and I survived by eating the dirty foods in the garbage. To me, I don't really care if I starve or not, but I only don't like the feeling of being starved. I am used to pain, but I don't like that kind of pain.

I grew thinner and weaker, others wouldn't even notice that I was a prince. A person who was supposed to be respected and pampered.

"Bastard! Who tell you to enter the door?" My servant hurriedly pulled up his clothes and cover the female servant with my own quilt.

I stared at them blankly. With my response, he grew angrier, and stood up from the bed and went to my direction.

"I told to leave, why aren't you leaving?!" He shouted.

My eyes darkened, "This is my room." The first time, I've responded.

His eyes widened, and I can feel the slight panic in his face, then he was even more annoyed, "So what?! You are just a bastard, how dare you tried to say that!"

I can feel the air turned colder and the darkness swallowed the whole room. My eyes grew intense, and I could see the color red.

Is this anger?

If it is, why I am angry?

Perhaps, when the thought of sleeping in the bed where these filths did those disgusting things or when my eyes saw these things I considered dirty and disgusting. Yes, that's right. I never understand emotion but ever since, I knew I was very possessive about the things that I seldom declare ownership. Like this bed. This is mine. How dare this filthy humans do something repulsive.

The servant was frozen by my stared before he recovers and give me a slapped on my cheeks, "Don't you dare stare at me with those eyes!" He turned his head and carried the female servant out of my bed.

It was night, and the only sounds came from the tree branches brushing through, even the whisper of the winds could be heard in this tide of silence. I looked at the wrinkle bed who was dyed with ambiguous stains left by those two servants, and a strong disgust manifest on my eyes.

It's dirty.

I shouldn't lay on this thing. Their scents linger in the cushion, which made my blood for the first time boiled in anger.

I picked up the candlelight on the side and without hesitation, dropped it on the bed. The fire slowly turned severe and the cushion was burned with those stains.

Yes, everything should just disappear.

The pitch wave of darkness formed a riffle into an illusionary, vain world. The gloomy sky was depressing, and the void inundated humidity seeped into the corner, restricting someone to breathe and giving them sense of suffocation.

The servant's eyes were bloodshot, as if he hadn't slept for a while. The agony on his eyes was more severe than the erupting volcano, more desperate than the condensing wind in midair. His eyes lit up as he forced his weak body closer to the bar, staring at me with expectancy.

"Y-Your highness! Save this lowly life... please, your highness!" He pleaded, voice contains with pure hope and anxiety, as if the world has abandoned him.

I stared at him motionless.

He was scared. The idiot was getting his retribution. I should've felt joy or excited, but my chest remain in vain. Empty.

I turned around and disregard the sounds of the wailing prison's bar and the screamed of the desperate man who reverberated in the whole night. I shouldn't come here and wasted my effort with that filth in the first place.

"This will be your new servant. Fourth brother had suffered so much, this brother was worthless." The second prince gently stated.

He came to my residence with these servants who neglected me in the past, now looking at me with pure malice and intention. I felt even disgusted more.

I turned my head to the second prince, eyes held nothing but emptiness, "I don't need them."

There was a flashed of irritation in his eyes before it vanished completely. He smiled nicely like the warm of the sun, radiating in his embraced.

Even with those smiles and sweet words, I had long known that this prince was a pretentious and a wolf in sheep's clothing. He thought that I should be grateful to him for what he had done.

Sadly, I don't care.

I wasn't bothered with his cheap acts and fake personality, I was only uncomfortable by that repulsive gaze that made my blood boiled.

This is my life. Plain and dark, but also empty and void. I've felt like there is something missing in my body, like a tool to awakened all my sensation and emotion. Without that function, I will remain like a living corpse.

The second prince constantly pestered me, using various tactics, hoping to bait me with his trap. His interest turned into an obsession which want me to kill his disgusting thoughts. But, I remain calm.

There is a voice telling me that he will be the biggest pawn in the journey.

Cannot kill him. Can't.

This leave me no choice but to run away from the palace and enrolled in the military school. My life in school was far more interesting than in the palace.

I've unleashed the beast inside of me for the first time and devoured the flesh of a man. It was fun and strangely addictive. This open a new world for me, which contains their despair and agony. The twisted truth was better and more enjoying than the straight-forward one.

"Come on, sister, let's hurry!"

But one snow on winter, one swish of the cold breeze and one stepped in the time end all of this.

"Sister, don't hide!"

I was stucked in my place and my dark eyes glued in the figure of the youth aged whether ten or eleven.

I've seen countless beautiful things, humans or objects. But this is the first time that I'd got stunned for seeing a person. I'd long known that beauties couldn't interest me nor awakened my desire, but this time, it was different.

His face wasn't the one that attract me, but his temperament that couldn't hide in that soft and delicate vessels. A blast of cracking tone of the drums slammed on my chest, waking up the stone-cold heart that has yet to rise in the chamber. And witnessing the effect of this juvenile towards me, I'd feel an impulse and wanted to stepped forward to declare an ownership towards this youth.

He walked slowly, his steps were precise and elegantly, rehearsed and firm. He looked around, finding something, before his eyes met mine.

I heard a bomb pounding on my ears. Or is this the beating in my chest?

His features were unripe yet full of blooming light, the soft and elegant face that could trample down nations and his eyes was even more beautiful than the fine refine jade, more dazzling than the emerald gifted to the first Empress in the history.

He stared at me for a long time that I've forgotten to even breath, his sight stayed on me as if I was the only one in his pupils. The emerald orbs reflected my emotionless face, now dyed in faint interest countenance. His long and dark hair was blown, revealing more of his features, then he flashed a smile.

"Hi, did you see my sister?"

The morning was cold in winter. This should be the usual day when everything should pass by normally, but not now. Not right now. This day was where the various colors clashed against the dark and Stygian abyss. Today was where my world was painted in different colors.

It took a long time before I could answer, "No."

He looked at me vaguely disappointed and opened his mouth to speak something, but the voice from behind interrupted him. We both turned our eyes and saw a girl, three points similar to his appearance, calling him.

He nodded and return his sight to me, "Sorry, I've gotta go." He didn't wait for my response and stormed away with hurried steps.

I looked at his departure back and licked my lips cleanly.

For the first time, I wanted something.

Several thoughts flashing on my mind, reconstructing several methods on how to get that youth. It would be by force or voluntarily, either between that two, I don't care.

I wanted... Xiao Chen.

"Your highness! There you are." My aid, Yunsheng tapped my shoulder.

My face come back usually and nodded, not bothering to turned my eyes.

He seems noticed my gaze and also stared at where my eyes pointing at then he sneered.

"Tsk, that's the new sparrows of his majesty. It's a pity that such beauties can only belong to his majesty."

My mind went blank and my fist unconsciously clenched.

Did I hear it right?

Sparrow?

The Emperor's?!

I took a deep breath and could even faintly see the color red in the whole area. I wanted to destroy all things and watched them suffer in pain.

I finally wanted something. But it had already had an owner?

Should I kill him?

I suppressed my killing intent and the beast that was about to come out, and cleared all my thoughts. My vision turned clear, and the youth had long gone.

No.

I shouldn't kill him otherwise, this novice sensation that I've felt will turned in vain. It took me several years to find someone that could awaken my desire, only to find out that it was owned by others.

Xiao Chen, you shouldn't let yourself exposed in front of me, or else I couldn't subdue myself and strangle you.

I'd returned to the school and buried my desire in the deepest part of the heart. But those desire only worsened, I've lost counts of dreaming myself and that youth, doing something sensual and pleasurable.

I knew that this wasn't fickle and this sensation was firm and steady.

Xiao Chen, you should've stayed away from me otherwise, you wouldn't escape in my grasp.

But here you are, presenting yourself in me, with the intention of dragging the second prince to the throne, wanted me to become the next Emperor.

Now that you have shown yourself to me, expect that I wouldn't let you go.

Xiao Chen was cunning and had an intellectual mind. He had thoughts and methods that was impossible to figure out, he can easily find loopholes and counter the enemies' attack.

I was surprised by the sudden fact that he almost succeed in electing me as the heir. In just few days.

If I've had a firm position now, I knew he wouldn't bother to talk to me anymore. This can't be.

I pulled my dagger and rushed towards the Emperor, not intending to kill him. Xiao Chen was shocked and surprised, but mostly angry. I laughed inwardly.

Do you think you could escape now?

For years, I've built a cage personally for Xiao Chen. The shadow guards of the Emperor were all my men, and the things that surround him were all my doings.

I even remembered his two servants, who dare touch him intimately. I killed those two.

The moment I was crowned, I already noticed his desperate attempt to escape making me furious. After the ceremony, I pulled the reins and strode out away from the palace, following his traces.

Maybe the heaven's wanted to follow my wishes as I could feel that he was about to leave me, a gust of light emerge in my body, shooting towards the sky and invisibly covered the whole area.

There. I saw him, terrified and scared, like he saw something he shouldn't see. The always elegant and graceful Xiao Chen was showing extreme fear for the first time. In front of my eyes.

I don't care, and I don't bother to identify the emotion that I've felt for him. For me, it was all the same. Obsession. Love. Or hate. It was obviously the same.

"No! This isn't love. If you love me, then why would you imprison me?! You don't understand your feelings at all! That's not love, that's only hate! You hate me for using you all this time." He angrily retorted.

I stared at him, not knowing what exactly is he saying. He was really beautiful, an existence crafted perfectly for me, but I couldn't hold myself several times on how would he look like if he turned into a corpse?

Maybe this isn't love that I've felt about him. Perhaps it is hate nor obsession, but it was all the same.

I wouldn't let him go, and he shouldn't forget about me.

Yes, that's right. Whether love or hate, anger or disgust. You should remember me and felt those repulsive emotions, in this life and the afterlife.

But then again. It was empty.

He died.

He died!

How dare him die in front of me?! Does he think that he could escape from me through this?!

I picked his corpse and wiped away the dirt stained on his face. I was even more obsessed by this state, in this condition he can't run away.

But the soul was gone.

"Let's depart."

I've returned normally in the palace and entered the treasure house to find something that could prevent his corpse from rotting. And it didn't disappoint me.

I watched as how the Empress and the first prince, with the General and even Wen Yang who participated in this rebellion trembled as I executed them one by one. Bai Menxiang, that traitor wasn't excluded, even his brother Yunsheng who wanted to save him was bound to die at my hands.

I don't care. All the things were same now, just like the past.

Xiao Chen wants this kingdom to have peace? Good, then I wouldn't fulfill that!

I made calamities and disasters in the whole country. I conquered several kingdoms and let everyone taste the same pain and agony as everyone should. Even the Gu kingdom, who supported me, and the Shu kingdom was not spared.

Fears constantly appeared on their eyes, as I passed towards them. My soldiers and troupes who watched me kill anyone with bare hands also shivers the moment my eyes lay on them.

I become the thing that you didn't like, so why wouldn't you wake up?

Are you watching this with gnashing your teeth and couldn't wait to kill me as I slowly destroy the city?

Xiao Chen... I'm waiting.

On the last day of autumn, the day were celebrated as the tyrant Emperor Yong Guan finally died with open eyes.