3.02 OBSESSIVE LOVE: Somber

The man who sits in the driver's seat has ash brown hair, with speckles of blond shining through. It's gelled back neatly, matching the pristine navy suit that he wears. A silver watch rests fashionably on his wrist and Kyden feels underdressed. He looks away and focuses on the scenery that passes by.

Then again, in the presence of one Raziel Ervenir, Kyden never fails to feel underdressed and less than presentable. 

"Where are we going?"

"I've booked us a table at the Mother's Pearl. Perhaps it might be a bit inappropriate for the occasion but…I didn't want it to be so somber." 

Kyden's lips pull taut. "Professor," he bites out, "My attire is hardly suitable for a place like the Mother's Pearl." 

If only Professor Ervenir had waited, he complains internally.

He sneaks a glance and it's a mistake because the professor's hazel eyes are smiling at him. "Just take off your outer jacket. You look fine, Kyden. Or should I be calling your Rev. Kyden now?"

Kyden looks away. It's a feeble attempt to hide his embarrassment. He's known the professor for years, so really there's no reason to be shy. But still, Kyden is secretly proud of his facade and dislikes it greatly when it breaks. Or when his anxiety shows, like now. "Just Kyden." He keeps his other complaints to himself.

The professor chuckles and the two fall into silence. Outside, the city is quiet and grey. Salemo is said to be one of the last prosperous cities left in the world, but to Kyden it feels more like a bland garbage dump.

The skyscrapers are lifeless and without personality. A single, heaven-seeking structure decorates the horizon where the Divine Mother Oracle receives and delivers heavenly guidance. But aside from its golden crown and shimmering white body, the rest of Salemo is tired and worn. Everything appears to be in need of maintenance, falling apart at the seams. 

The citizens are no better, dressed in unsaturated attire and heads bowed low to avoid interaction with strangers. 

Kyden's tired of seeing such a scenery but he's known no other aside from ones found in history books and fiction. He sighs and closes his eyes, arms crossing over his chest. The professor will just have to wake him when they arrive. 

The Mother Pearl is a high class restaurant with a decadent exterior and equally extravagant interior. Even the hostess wears a series of pearls in her hair, her shimmering gold earring shining from the bright sapphire hair clip that rested atop her head. She smiles brightly at Professor Ervenir, but her expression falters when it falls onto Kyden.

Without his outer coat, the white shirt underneath looks stiff and cheap, with wrinkles that Kyden hasn't had any time to deal with. He glares at the hostess to hide his embarrassment and she shrinks from the sheer intensity in his eyes.

Luckily, the Professor is charming when he is not, so Kyden's free to ignore the situation until they're ushered to reserved seats in the corner of the main dining hall. It's luckily not too crowded. The soft hum of classical music plays, with a live pianist and beautiful songstress. Nestled in a corner, Kyden feels a bit better about his inappropriate attire.

Kyden's face pulls in disgust at the prices and is reminded why he never comes anymore despite the exquisite cuisine. It even seems more expensive than he remembers.

It's only after the waiter departs that he lets out a sigh of relief. 

The Professor tilts his head and observes Kyden's reactions. "Not to your liking? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so hasty with my decisions."

"It's fine," Kyden stiffens, frowning at his own awkwardness. "It's not that I don't like this place. I was just caught off guard." 

Raziel grins, crows feet line his eyes, "I'll do my best so that it doesn't happen next time."

But the both of them know that the professor most definitely sent Kyden a text message, confirming the time and location of their meeting. They also both know that Kyden most definitely did not check that message before it was already too late.

Kyden relaxes a little. A small smile stretches his lips, "You always say that."

He earns a low chuckle, "My bad."

The two settle into comfortable chatter, skirting around difficult topics with small talk. They speak about their jobs, coworkers and even old times back when Kyden was still a student at the Exorcist's Academy. 

"How's your new partner?" Raziel hums as his knife scraps lightly against the plate.

"An imbecile," Kyden sneers as he thinks about the clumsy Voir. "Today, he almost forgot the proper sequence of post-hunt investigations. Ignored the host in favor of checking the lair first. Is that what you teach in the Academy nowadays?"

When the professor laughs his age becomes more prominent, with wrinkles around his mouth and lips. But it's not a bad look, in fact, even past his prime, Professor Ervenir retains all his charm. Everything about him is pleasing, Kyden thinks with a hint of jealousy. Where Kyden is cold, Raziel is warm. When Kyden might sneer, Raziel will smile.

"He's probably just nervous around you, Kyden."

To that, the priest rolls his eyes, "A poor excuse, if one at all. In our field, rookie mistakes will cost lives. You know this professor."

The professor's smile turns wry, "Still, everyone starts somewhere. Do be a bit kind to him at least."

Kyden clicks his tongue, "I am kind."

Raziel snickers, unable to hold back his laughter, causing Kyden to frown unhappily. 

No one dares to mention the reason why they've met on the day in the first place, as though doing so might break the mood or the illusion that has so comfortably settled over reality.

It's only after the meal is over and they fight over the bill that the topic finally rears its ugly head. 

"Should we get her flowers?" Raziel says as they leave the restaurant. All illusions shatter and Kyden feels like he's tumbling back to reality. 

Kyden tenses but he hides his sorrow behind nonchalance, "Yes. Let's."

…

When Kyden was younger, he had a girlfriend, older than him.

She was already working as an exorcist when they started dating, and he, an Academy student. Many thought their relationship superficial but it wasn't.

It wasn't. Kyden thinks bitterly. But the pleasant times they shared, all the soft kisses and sweet nothings whispered, are not marred by a single memory. 

Kyden's visage remains decidedly blank when they arrive at the cemetery. The sun has just set and leaves the sky dark and grey, twilight struggles to pierce through the clouds. 

The lights that flicker between the tombstones are dim and poorly maintained. But they don't need a bright light to find their way through the dense, grey rows. Kyden feels like he's been here with the professor at least a hundred times already.

In hindsight, it's already been six years.

The tombstone reads: In Memory of Cecilia Aubrey. Your bravery will not be forgotten.

Kyden bows his head and kneels before her. He hadn't been a member of the clergy the last time he was here, he thinks absently. Putting his mundane thoughts aside, he closes his eyes and sends her distant soul a prayer. 

Raziel places the flowers and the two fall into silence.

Six years is a long time to mourn, but neither of them brings this up. 

Kyden sure doesn't. Even after he completed his pilgrimage for priesthood (which, in all seriousness, was more a joke than anything else) he doesn't feel any more relieved or enlightened by the Mother Oracle's saintly guidance. The anger, the tragedy lingers like a heavy bitter cloud that haunts him at night, over and over again.

Once, the professor mentioned therapy. But Kyden did not appreciate the thought and it devolved into a nasty fistfight.

The two never brought it up again. Even though now, looking back, Kyden believes that the professor had a good reason.

Still, he stubbornly refuses to let go of his feelings for Cici and lets it fester like a plague. It hasn't affected his blood's anti-demon properties so he doesn't see what the big deal is.

It takes a long time before the two of them move. It's the professor who breaks the silence first. "Kyden. Aren't you cold? It's getting late."

"…" Kyden finally opens his eyes. It's chilly and dark but he doesn't really notice. Slowly, he stands but his gaze doesn't leave the gravestone for even a second. "It's not too cold."

Raziel sighs, "Kyden."

Only then does he look away. The professor's eyes are soft, he notes. On the night that Cici died, they were full of fire and rage. Those eyes left an impression on Kyden, never leaving his memory. Throughout the years, Kyden never witnessed that expression on the professor's face ever again.

Back then he hadn't been a professor though, he was an exorcist. He was Cici's superior.

Kyden breaks eye contact. "Let's go."

Raziel smiles wryly. "I'll drive you home."

To that, Kyden merely nods.