120 A Memory Problem - Confidant.
"Shu He?".
I looked up from the ants crawling across the floor, my Dad's face eclipsed by the sunlight was standing in front of me holding his hand out.
I could see that his arm was shaking, that he was forcing himself to move, but I really didn't understand what it meant, my tiny hand reached out as Dad gripped it.
--He was so weak back then, even if he gripped tightly he wouldn't hurt me after all--
"You really like watching the ants don't you?" He asked with a gentle smile on his face.
"Un!" I nodded "They're funny!"
"Funny? Well, I'm sure there are many more things funnier than ants here".
"Really?" Child me asked with great surprise.
--Ants were my height of entertainment at that age after all--
"Definitely!"
"But… why couldn't mommy come as well?" I asked.
--A perfect question—
Dad just continued to smile "She has something important to do, it's fine though we'll have plenty of fun with just the two of us!" he said, trying to cheer me up.
"Okay" I replied, uncertain.
"Let's go then! If we take too long the rides will have long lines!".
We walked hand in hand down the street littered with bushes, flowers and decorations, the scent of sugary foods and bread wafted through the air from the food stands as we played a game of eye spy while deciding which ride to go on first.
--I actually wanted to eat, but my dad told me we should go on the rides before we do, or we'll be sick –
I pointed to the roller coaster as I stared at the coaster go over a massive loop with sparkly eyes, but then found out I was too short for the ride and almost started a tantrum, crying and all.
My dad did everything to calm me down, promising to buy me a bunch of sweets and trying to convince me the other rides are just as good.
--He wasn't used to looking after me, since he was in bed ill most of the time; That day he pushed himself hard to spend it with me—
"Shu He, be careful!" My dad shouted from the sidelines as I stood on the horses saddle as the carrousel span.
--….?—
I fell off and bumped my head, crying my eyes out, my dad blamed the staff because a children's ride didn't have belts.
But after that I didn't stop, we went to the teacups ride together and I span it as hard as I could, making myself sick.
But my father also fainted, I felt shocked and guilty afterwards, clinging to him as he woke up a minute later.
"It's okay… Shu He I'm fine, don't worry it's not your fault" He stroked my head to calm my tears as I covered his clothes with snot.
--…Something's…--
We decided it was better to go on the lower intensity rides, there was a small train ride that we went on together, I looked up at my dad as I laid back in his lap as the miniature forests and animals passed, glimpsing his face covered by his hair.
We went to the fairground attractions and tried to win some prizes but neither me nor my dad were great at the games, instead we just laughed together and had fun.
"Let's get something to eat now, Shu He".
"Yeah! I'm starving!".
"Is that so?" He laughed "Then we should get something extra-large!".
--…Something is wrong—
We sat together with a large bucket of fries and burgers in front of us, I gorged myself like I never had before as the sauce covered my cheeks, dad only took a couple bites, but I didn't mind, there was more for me after all!
"Come here Shu He" He reached over with a cloth and wiped my dirty face.
"Nnnn" I pulled away; I didn't like the rough texture of the cloth on my skin.
"If you don't let me clean you, we won't go on more rides" He warned, so I reluctantly let him clean me.
--This isn't right—
We spend the rest of the day wandering around, there was a petting zoo, but I cried when a duck snapped at me, so we left early, then we went in a mirror house and the haunted mansion, I enjoyed the haunted mansion because the ghost ran away when I chased it, but my dad screamed.
But then… it was time to leave, the sun was setting over the horizon as the theme park was dyed a deep orange.
"Come on Shu He, it's time to leave, your mom is waiting for us to go home!".
"Can… can we come again?" I looked up at him and asked.
He paused, "Yes… yes we will" He answered, gripping my hand tightly as we walked closer to the gates.
--This is wrong!—
"This is wrong!".
The world paused, the scent of baked goods dispersed, and the wind ceased its gentle gust.
It was like the scene had been captured perfectly in a photograph, not a inch of movement to be seen as I stared at my dad, fists gripped rightly.
"What's wrong?" He said as he turned around, the sunlight blocking his face.
"…" I grit my teeth.
"Shu He?" He asked again.
"…My name" I spoke quietly.
"I can't hear you".
"My name!".
"Name? S̵̢͚̗̰̞̠̙̮̤̈́͛̀̑͘h̶̥̝̫̞̻͖̅̌́̅͗̄̄̆̔̔̊̀͘͝͝ų̵̟̗̬̞̦͇̦̀̒̌͜ͅ ̵͖̗̻̤͍̠̭͈̳̽̈́̾́͊̋̐͗͒͗̆́͊Ḩ̵̘̮̜͌͑̏͂̓̉͒̿̐̕͘͜͝ȩ̵̪̈́̀̍̀̈́̍́̾̄̈́̍̐̽͠͠, are you okay?".
"NO!" I yelled.
A storm began to twist, the hue of the memory began to turn from orange to a pure white.
"Tell me MY name!" I screamed.
My father's face was blank.
Literally.
I could only see his mouth, and only vaguely.
"Your name?" He said, his voice distorting slightly.
"Why of course, it's -------------".
A screech pierced my mind.
And then silence.
I stood in a blank space, my 'dad' in front of me.
I looked at his blank face, a line ran through it.
And then…
*CRACK*
…
"AAAAAAAH!" Shu He shot up from his bed, sweat covering his forehead and his pupils constricted to the size of pins.
He covered his eyes with his hands, massaging his forehead as he took multiple deep breaths, he then lowered his hands as he looked around, his familiar stone room coming into sight.
Nothing was out of place, everything was normal.
He looked down at his hands, his lightly tanned skin with callouses that were familiar to him were there.
"What the hell…?" He laid back into the comfortable embrace of his bed.
"That… that was my memory, there's no doubt about that".
He had definitely gone to a theme park with his dad once, when he was very, very young, it was one of the only memories that he could easily recall about his dad.
But… he couldn't remember his dad's face.
Before, it was only vague, if he tried hard enough he could create a picture; And that was natural, his dad had passed away when he was three after all.
But now… he couldn't even remember his face no matter what, all he could recall was a blank slate.
He began to sweat, shiver, and bundle up slightly.
Something was wrong.
"My name…"
"My name…"
"My name…"
"Shu He"
"Shu He?"
"Only Shu He?"
His mouth froze, he felt like he was going to be sick.
No matter what he tried, what he remembered.
He couldn't remember his 'other' name, the name he had in his previous life.
No matter the memory, all that he would be greeted with is a blank sound, nothing.
He may not have used his old name since reincarnating, but it was always a part of him, of who he was.
And now it was gone.
He felt scared, fearful, insecure.
Why had this happened?
Did someone do this to him? Why now?
He needed to know.
But who could help him? There wasn't a single person that knew his secret!
If he had to choose someone, they had to be able to help him.
"…" Curled up in his sheets his mind span, the memories of those in this world churned, different figures passing through his mind.
"…Her, maybe her…"
He felt it was a gamble, but he couldn't leave this alone, he had to find out what caused it.
And so he hopped out of his bed and threw on his robes not even bothering to wash himself, this was urgent.
He then dashed out his door towards the Medical Division.
…
Sat opposite each-other in an office filled with books were a young man and a woman.
Shu He and the doctor Jing Yaling stared intently at each-other, the former with a grim expression and the other with a slight smile.
"It's about time you came back, I was wondering if you'd run away after saying you'd join" She chuckled a little.
"I'll join, but right now I need to consult you about something".
"Yes you said that what is it?" She said like shifting a few pieces of paperwork aside.
"No matter what, I don't want you telling anyone what I'm going to say".
Jing Yaling paused, put the paperwork and and turned towards Shu He, the smile no longer on her face as she stared deep into his eyes.
"The reason I'm doing this research is because it's my obsession, my life, if I have to swear secrecy to learn something that's interesting then I'd even make a pact" She stated plain and simply.
Shu He couldn't help but smirk slightly.
He could trust her, to a degree at least.
"Good" He said as he leaned back in his chair "I don't have a way to make a pact right now, but in the future I may ask for one".
"I take that as you won't tell me everything". The doctors eyes gleamed.
"Only as much as I need to" Shu He stated cleanly "Does that upset you?"
"No" She shook her head "I'd do the same, it's good to know you're not a fool".
"Thanks?" She He shook his head before he took a deep breath.
"I have memories of another life" The rooms atmosphere suddenly stagnated, neither of them moved for a few seconds before Jing Yaling stood up abruptly, shaking slightly.
Shu He peered at her eyes, seeing a clear spark lit inside her pupils as she struggled to get her next words out.
"Please" She said, holding back her excitement "Tell me more".
