Chapter 17: Something Slipping Away

Outside the operating room, Li Jingshen was like a man possessed. His heart was in a vice grip, a sudden dull pain hit him so hard he had to double over, clutching his chest through his shirt.

He scowled at the operating room door, feeling like something precious was slipping away from him.

Just then, the operating room doors swung open and a nurse hurried out. Spotting Li Jingshen, she dashed over and asked, "Are you family? The patient's hanging by a thread! We need you to sign the surgery consent form and a critical condition notice!"

Li Jingshen's head was buzzing, he couldn't make out what she was saying. He stared at her, his voice stiff, "What do you mean Shen Zhichu's not gonna make it? What the hell happened?"

She just got drenched in the rain, knelt for half an hour, hadn't eaten in four days, maybe... just maybe she was a bit weak and coughed up some blood...

How come the moment she's in there, they're telling him Shen Zhichu's knocking on heaven's door?

The nurse looked at his dazed face and realized he had no clue about the gravity of the situation. She cut to the chase, "The patient has terminal stomach cancer. It's touch and go. We need a family member to sign the consent form and the critical condition…" Her voice trailed off as she caught sight of his bloodshot eyes and didn't know how to continue.

Stomach cancer? Terminal?

No freaking way... Shen Zhichu had never been sick a day in her life. She was always fit as a fiddle. How could she have something like this?

A woman like her, shouldn't she be the kind to outlive a freaking apocalypse? Why is someone telling him she's on her last leg?

He must have heard wrong, this has to be some kind of sick joke.

Li Jingshen staggered back, his knees buckling against a chair behind him. He wobbled and went down like a sack of potatoes.

He stared at his hands. They were clean, but he could still feel the blood, the stench of it everywhere. It was like it was ingrained in his skin.

The nurse, realizing time was of the essence, handed him the papers, "Sir."

Li Jingshen's eyes were bloodshot as he stared at the critical condition notice. A sharp pain pierced through his heart, spreading to every corner of his body, making his fingers tremble.

He took the pen, staring at the notice. He knew every word, but together they made no sense.

The nurse urged him, "Sir, please sign."

His hand was shaking uncontrollably. In frustration, Li Jingshen balled his hand into a fist and slammed it into the wall behind him. The nurse jumped at the thud. There was a bloody mark on the wall; he must have hit it with all his might.

Li Jingshen took a deep breath, trying to suppress the pain in his chest, then bent down and scribbled his name.

"Is she gonna make it?" he asked.

The nurse shook her head, "It's touch and go. We can't make any promises... but we'll do everything we can."

Li Jingshen handed her the papers and watched her walk away. He slumped into the cold chair, feeling like a piece of his heart had been carved out with a knife.

He never imagined this scenario: Shen Zhichu fighting for her life inside, doctors and nurses scrambling, and him powerless.

Shen Zhichu had been around him for four years, like a background character. He didn't love her, didn't care about her feelings, and sure as hell didn't think he'd care if she lived or died.

But now that Shen Zhichu might never wake up again, he felt a chill run down his spine. It felt like something important was being ripped away from him.

Li Jingshen was in a daze, his vision blurry. He rubbed his eyes and realized they were wet.

Suddenly, he remembered the first time he saw Shen Zhichu six years ago. She was wearing a red dress, her long hair cascading down her back, and her smile could light up the whole room.

She walked up to him with a stick of candied hawthorns and said, "Li Jingshen, long time no see." Her eyes were sparkling.

When did the light in her eyes go out?

Li Jingshen fumbled for a cigarette from his pocket, but before he could light it, a janitor passing by pointed to a sign on the wall and reminded him, "Excuse me, sir, no smoking in the hospital!"

He grudgingly put it back, his hand still shaking. He looked up at the operating room with its red light on, and felt his heart twist even more.

The nurse had gone to fetch Dr. Qin Mo, who arrived shortly. Seeing Li Jingshen sitting outside the operating room, his face fell, "What are you doing here? Where's Zhichu?" A sinking feeling settled in his stomach.

Li Jingshen looked up, his eyes hollow, "She's in there."

So, the patient they called him in for was Shen Zhichu?

Qin Mo's face went pale, his already serious expression now laced with anxiety. He didn't waste a second and bolted into the operating room.

Behind him, Li Jingshen called out, "Qin Mo, did you know about Shen Zhichu's stomach cancer?"

Shen Zhichu and Qin Mo were close, practically grew up together. There was no way he didn't know something.

Qin Mo didn't answer. He just shot Li Jingshen a cold glance before closing the door. That one look was enough to shatter Li Jingshen's heart.

In that moment, he felt like he was breathing needles instead of air, like a thousand arrows were piercing his heart. For the first time, he knew what it felt like to have his heart torn to shreds.

The operating room doors closed again. Li Jingshen's vision went black, and he almost lost his footing. He clutched his chest, tasting blood in his mouth.

Outside, the rain was coming down in sheets. As his emotions settled, he felt like his blood was turning to ice, shattering on the ground with the raindrops.