Prologue

I will never forget Christmas Day 25th December 2000, as I sat amid our family dinner, our happy moment was abruptly cut short by an uninvited but familiar guest. The person who had arrived, was the mother of my close friend, Eun Yi-Jun, when I had seen her my heart leaped for joy, excited in the expectation that Yi-Jun Hung had been with her. However, the second her eyes fell on me, her gaze became frozen, and a cold aura surrounded her. At that moment, I felt an unfamiliar fear creep into my bones, as she had never behaved in such a manner, towards me before.

Though one could immediately tell she was angry, she never lost her delicate and refine composure. She looked to my parents and politely asked to discuss an urgent matter with them, leaving me and my younger brother alone at the dinner table. At the tender age of eleven at the time, I was curious of what they could be discussing and what had Mrs Eun look upon me in such a manner. I crept to my father's study and quietly tried to listen to their words, but the door of his study was too thick for me to hear.

Suddenly, the door to the study opened and out walked Mrs Eun, the moment she spotted me, she scoffed harshly, then a malicious smirked spread across her lips as she strode away.

Moments later, my father appeared, and he wore a pained expression on his face, to the point where he had become pale. I gulped hard, anxious at what had been exchanged between the tree, and the feeling of dread came over me, as it was clear that their conversation had been about me.

My father glared at me and clenched his fist, "get inside" he ordered in a dark and unfamiliar tone, sending an ominous chill down my spine. I bowed my head trembling and replied lowly, "yes father", at that moment It occurred to me what had arisen.

As I stepped into his office, I saw my mother in tears and in her hand, she held a familiar letter, and instantly I knew.

"Did you write this?" my father asked, pointing to the piece of paper in my mother's hand. He clearly knew the answer to his own question, as there was no doubt that I had been the one to have written it. I wanted desperately to move my lips and say no, to deny it all and claimed my innocents, declaring it all to be a lie and that I know not of where that piece of paper came from. But my body became numb, be it from shock or disbelieve, no words left my mouth.

"Are you telling us! That you like MEN!?" my father shouted furiously, at any moment I expected him to raise his hand had hit me, but he didn't, and instead he collapsed into his chair and said nothing more to my silence, before ordering me to be gone from his sight.

That Christmas night I didn't sleep, the raised voices of my parents continued until the late morning. By then, my South Korean mother and father had packed my belongings and dragged me out of our family home into the freezing cold of winter and into an already waiting car. Their reason, they couldn't raise an abnormal child, and therefore they needed to be rid of me before their family name became stained with my actions. Additionally, they had also feared that my abnormality and disease would be transferred to my younger brother. At first, my mother had argued to send me to my grandmother in the village, but my father convinced her otherwise, stating that my disease was something that needed to be hidden completely.

As my parents, were well known in the Architecture field and had made a respectable name for themselves with some of the high-ranking South Korean households. They felt that protecting their pride and family name weighted more valuable than their own flesh and blood. And considering they had another son; they still had another chance of an heir and future successor of their company.

Before noon the next day, I was dropped at the door of a Children's home in the city of Daegu. And taken from the car by my father, leaving my mother behind and brother. She had refused to even look at me after the fact. As I escorted up the steps, of this unfamiliar place, I turned back one last time in hopes of seeing my mother's face, but the tinted windows of our 1999 Mercedes hid the last reaction I would ever see of her face. I didn't want to go, I wished desperately that I hadn't written that stupid letter, at that moment I blamed him and hated myself for ever feeling such a way. If I had known it was wrong, and that my life would have become as it were, I would have buried such disgusting feelings deep within me, never letting them see the light of day.

My father said nothing to me as he brought me to the reception, inside we were greeted by a pretty female who wore a bright smile, she had a slim figure and her long her was tied up in a ponytail. She looked like the typical petite Korean woman, in their early thirties. Her gently smile didn't comfort me though, as I was afraid, I had always been under the protection of my family and had been pampered all my life.

Now I was being discarded in a low maintenance and uncomfortable environment, I grabbed my father's hand and began to cry, "father please, don't leav… leave me here I promise I'll never do something like that again…no it wasn't me father, it wasn't me", my hands trembled in his own. But instead of comfort my father harshly pulled his hand away and looked upon me with great disgust, "you are not my son, something as disgusting as you could never be called my son, from this day forth you are not to acknowledge us, we are no longer family do you understand?" he spoke coldly.

His words hit the deepest parts of my heart, I couldn't believe his words, there was no way he could've meant what he said or leave me, his son so easily. Did they hold such small amount of love me? Wasn't one's parents meant to love them unconditionally?

The lady, who had overheard everything, guided my frozen body to a nearby seat and lead my father into a private room. As I look around on the dirty floor, I had hoped my father would come back and say that this were all a punishment, and he would send me away to get treated like I had heard about.

I sat nervously intertwining my fingers and waited for the two people to return, jumping to my feet the moment I saw my father, I looked to him for his next words, but they never came, without one last glance he steps passed me and left. As I tried to run after him, I was pulled back by the lady from before, "it's best not to" she said sympathetically.

It was then it dawned on me, my father nor mother wasn't coming back, and they had left me alone here, I stood looking at the closed door of the unfamiliar place for a long time. The lady whose name I had yet to discover never forced me to move, she simply allowed me to mourn my confused feelings for some time before approaching me.

"Mmm…. Why don't we get something to eat..... Cheolsu?"

She asked me, I frowned my brows confused at her words, who was Cheolsu? I looked at her puzzled, "my name is not Cheolsu" I corrected her.

She pursed her lips and avoided my gaze, "that man who just left said you are not to use your previous name and I should just make one for you. So, I thought about it and Cheolsu suits you best, don't you think?". She finally looked at me as she made her last statement. I couldn't respond to her words, even my name was taken away and replaced with another. I was nothing now, I belong nowhere, nor did I have anyone to call, was I alone? Did my family really abandon me for liking another boy?

In less than a day, I went from being part of a loving family and expecting to inherit the family business to a non-existent nameless orphan. That Christmas will forever hold haunt me, each time I recall the look in my Korean mother's eyes as they became filled with disgust and disappointment, it was truly heart-wrenching.

I didn't know when but at that moment I couldn't stop the tears from falling, if this was the consequences for loving another, I would never feel such feelings again.