Rainbow's End Monologue: Dolly's perspective

This scene is inserted after Scene 1 of Act 2, on page 177.

My life is over. What do I do now? I can't get the feel of Leon's filthy hands off my body. He didn't even think about how I would feel. The smell of his foul breath will forever be ingrained in my mind. I feel dirty. I need to scrub off any trace of his touch from my unclean skin. I remember his calloused face when I told him stop. I remember his sneer when I told him no and I remember the glint in his eye when I told him to back off. Isn't he supposed to be part of my family? Shouldn't I feel safe with my family? Couldn't I even trust my family? This never would've happened if Errol didn't spring this ridiculous idea of moving to Melbourne on me at the dance. I know I left unannounced but I can't believe he was bickering with Leon instead of dancing with me. Am I that worthless?

I was havin' the time of my life before Errol chose to ruin our moment. I really thought Errol was the one since he tried to accept my culture and my living conditions, but if he truly knew me he never would've asked me to leave my family. I guess I just wanted out of this life and didn't take the time to find out if Errol valued his family as much as me. Not easy living in the Flats, but we make do. Our humpies are a disgrace to the white fellas and none of 'em would understand what we go through every day, but at least we have each other. Now that the Queen's visiting 'em, they've put up a hessian like a bandage over a sore. We're living next to the town's bloody tip. The Goulburn River is a ticking time bomb and Nan's sore back isn't gonna help with moving the furniture out, that's for sure. If Errol truly loved me, he would know that I have to stay and take care of Mum and Nan.

I know Mum would be horrified that I left Errol but I was just so stinkin' mad. I wish I could tell Nan about his Melbourne suggestion just so I could sink into her embrace, but I know that she'd smack me for walking home alone. Shouldn't have done that, knowing that my cousin didn't take no for an answer earlier. I'm a fool. Errol defended my honour before I could even figure out what was going on. Now he must think he's my knight in shining armour. But he isn't. He thinks that he is offering me a better life in a real home, but it don't matter if the floors are dirt, a real home is where there are people looking out for each other. If I go with Errol, he's gonna expect me to fit in with the white fellas and forget my culture. Nothing good from the big smoke anyway…wouldn't like to be trapped in a concrete maze around people like Nancy. Feel coshed every time I step out with Errol.

I know just how much Nan cares about my future, but I can't tell her about the big smoke offer. Nan has secrets that she doesn't wanna share with me or Mum. Wouldn't tell me about our family. Maybe I should keep a secret too. Afterall, Nan would be pleased if I didn't see Errol anymore. Somehow people who do bad things still end up with better opportunities than me. I tried so hard at school when my cousins didn't even bother to show up. It's not fair that I didn't get the cash register job in town. White fellas think they're too good for us. What difference does the skin colour even make? I don't understand.

I really thought I found a good white fella but Errol will never understand what my community means to me. If Papa Dear was here, he'd give me a kiss on the cheek and tell me he's got it sorted. I miss him, but there's still hope…whatever will be, will be. Que sera, sera.