Chapter 1: Rude

"Hey, wake up. I don't have all day", an impatient voice complained. I opened my eyes quickly, not remembering where I was. I was leaning back on a chaise lounge in what seemed to be a therapist's office. The room was quite large, with enough space to house a small sofa group and a sizable work desk. All four walls were covered in bookshelves from top to bottom; neither doors nor windows were present.

"Okay, let's see here…" Across a small sofa table, sitting in a comfortable chair matching mine, was a short middle-aged woman with sharp features. She wore a conservative pantsuit and looked rather uninterested in being there. "Raised in an orphanage, 9 to 5 job, helping at the homeless shelter on weekends, died in a car crash saving a family of 4…."

"Wait, I died!?"

"…"

"Where am I? What happened to my cat?"

The woman turned her eyes up from the folder she had been looking through and looked directly at my face. "As I just said, you are dead, and you died in a car crash saving a family of 4," She deadpanned. "I am currently looking through your life to figure out what should be done with your soul. And I don't know shit about your cat."

I had just about ten billion questions, but her gaze told me I had better stay quiet, so I shut my trap.

She reviewed the folder again and recited, "It seems you have racked up a substantial number of merit points. In fact, you were just short of being able to join us here in heaven. Still, you will have some benefits in your next life. Let me see, the inverse of your symmetric matrix, multiply it by their determinant life values, and then add the dot product of two experience vectors, divided by the square root of their magnitudes... yep, you will have three spins." She seems to have done some complex calculations in her head.

"Three spins?" I asked stupidly, my mind blank, unable to comprehend a single thing she had just said.

"Ah, finally, someone gets it the first time around. I've just about had it with these dumbasses shouting and crying about…" She mumbled the last part to herself, seeming annoyed.

"Umm, actually, I don't understa-"

"Gosh, I don't have time for this crap." She looked exasperated, sighing loudly. "Long story short, the life you just led was just a trial phase judging the quality of your soul – it's like that for everyone. So now that you're dead, it is my job as an angel to look through your life's actions and send your soul to where you are worthy of going. And because you've been such a good little Samaritan in your past life, you get some benefits, hence the three spins."

"… that's actually pretty easy to understand." I was still pretty dumbfounded, but I got the gist.

"Anyways, the wheels are here" The short woman put down the folder and stood up from her chair. In the same instant, four carnival-themed spinning wheels appeared before one of the walls. Each wheel was barely one meter across, but they were filled with so many options, written in such small text that it was impossible to read each one.

"Why are there four?" I asked the woman as I walked up to stand right beside her, looking at the four wheels. I didn't feel nervous over the fact I was speaking to a literal angel. Now that I thought about it, I didn't feel anxious at all over the fact that I was dead or that I was about to be reborn. 'Strange, maybe I am in shock.' For some reason, the whole situation felt natural to me, so my emotions were kept in check.

"Three wheels for the benefits you are gonna get, and one for the world you're gonna go to."

"Wait, didn't my merit points decide that or whatever it was?" I raised an eyebrow at the woman.

"Look, I don't know the details, I'm just doing my job. Now stop asking stupid questions you're wasting my time. I only have 200 years left on this shift, and I need to direct 3 million souls before then, or they'll cut my pay." With that, she snapped her fingers, and the four wheels began spinning simultaneously.

It didn't take long for the wheels to stop, and four small slips of folded paper appeared in the woman's hands. Uninterested, she unfolded the papers and read out their contents in a monotone voice.

"Your benefits will be the powers of the characters:

Yuujiro Hanma

Eddie Morra (limitless)

And Wade Wilson, aka. Deadpool…"

I didn't know any of them. I mean, I had once seen some posters about an upcoming Deadpool movie, but all I knew was that the dude looked kind of like Spiderman, not that I knew much about Spiderman either. What surprised me more was that my 'benefits' were the powers of fictional characters. I had predicted it would be something like 10 thousand dollars to start with, or 'You can bring your cat with you.' While I was a little sad that Mr. Pebbles would be all alone without me, I guess superpowers wouldn't be so bad.

"… and you will be sent to the world of One Piece."

"I've never heard of any of it," I told her quite plainly.

"Couldn't care less."

'Rude.'

The woman walked back to her chair without looking at me further, sat down, and began reading another folder. The slips of paper seemed to have disappeared into nothing. I stood rather awkwardly, looking around the room once again. The absurdity of my situation was slowly dawning on me. All this talk about souls, superpowers, and one-pieces was draining on my mind. Not to mention, the only other person here, and the one who was apparently supposed to guide me, seemed to be entirely indifferent towards me.

"So, uh… what do I do now?"

"Hm, you're still here?" The short woman looked over with an unflattering frown. "I don't know what you are waiting for, but I'm busy, so I'll help you along." Once again, the woman snapped her finger, and I immediately began to feel drowsy. I staggered a bit, and my vision rapidly began to blacken. I was losing consciousness. A pang of panic suddenly struck my heart; who would take care of Mr. Pebbles?

"M-miss Angel, can you please look after my cat for me? He'll s-starve." At this point, I was on the floor, barely awake. The last thing I heard her say was:

"Fuck off, I'm busy."

And then I blacked out.