4 Ch 04 - Acceptance & Worries

After the winter break ended I joined my school buddies, once again. But my enthusiasm for reliving my childhood was dampened by the dark cloud of the wizarding war in Britain and how it will affect me and my family.

Without realizing it I started to isolate myself from the masses and diminished my involvement with people. Only taking action when needed.

Because of this tension, I plunged myself into the ocean of knowledge in the library and working out.

Slowly the innocent child was getting replaced by a serious purposeful and fear-driven man.

[TIME SKIP 2 YEARS - OCTOBER 1981]

Two years have gone by and I stand on the eve of a historic event.

The week after my 9th birthday was clouded with worries and doubts about my future at the start reaching its peak by Halloween's Eve. Thankfully I was relieved as my greatest fear was put to rest.

What was I worried about? Well, you all know about the butterfly effect theory right? Though I don't believe that to be true as people always stay true to their characters.

I think the theory is overrated and overused by fanfic writers. As per my understanding, the butterfly effect theory may hold true only in an isolated context or in Ideal conditions with only one butterfly as there is always an inertia to certain historical events because they are a result or byproduct of the will of the masses.

To shake up a storm one will have to be a giant of a butterfly and the impacts will lessen with time and distance. A flap would not be able to build up a storm if the other butterflies were also flapping. So things changing drastically because of one person's action is a rare occurrence whose probability is very small.

These are not my problem as I am stressed by the thought of what if the butterfly effect is true? What will happen to my bright future?

As I was born in Potterverse I didn't know whether my presence would affect the birth of the wonder boy and whether the dark lord will be defeated by harry potter as he marked him as his equal as prophesied in the original timeline.

Any future that I envisioned depended solely on the assumption that the dark lord would be defeated on the eve of Halloween of the year 1981. This was a significant event for Magical Britain as it will trigger a series of events in the coming months that will shape the wizarding world, especially magical Britain. The situation for the muggle-borns will improve only after the impacts of the war have subsided.

This is also the reason I have been acting like an ostrich about my reincarnation. I was letting my doubts and fear take the front seat in my relationship with my parents. In spite of the bonds that I share with them, I try to keep a distance from my parents and not getting too emotionally attached to them was a hard pill to swallow.

For quite a long time I was distraught at the thought of never being able to meet my parents, my younger brother with whom I had the best bonding and my friends from my past life. Whoever said You truly realize the preciousness of something only when you lose it was indeed telling the truth.

Also in my past life getting dumped by whom I considered the love of my life in just a week's time for another boy made me lose faith in the idea of one true love. I realised that love, especially love, at first sight, is often blind and many love stories are emotional tragedies waiting to happen.

Strong and long-lasting relations are sustained by mutual respect and acceptance of the other parties both the good and the bad aspects. It takes effort to develop a taste for this.

Over the past two years, I came to terms with my loss and never thought I would get emotionally attached to anyone even my new parents.

But when someone loves you unconditionally like a mother and a caring father who supports you silently in your life decisions the impossible happens. I found not just caring parents but also friends in them. They now hold a very special place in my heart.

We bonded over our Switzerland trip during the winter break of 1979 in ways I never thought possible in this life. I remember asking them about my grandparents and the lack of any siblings when I didn't recall their presence in my memory.

<FLASHBACK>

After a tiring day of enjoying skiing, we came back to the cabin we were staying in for the duration of the trip.

After freshening up and filing our empty stomachs we all cuddled together near the fireplace - me, my mom, and my dad.

To better understand the situation of my family I started asking questions about my grandparents.

"Mom. Dad. Can you tell me about my grandparents?", I asked my parents.

I knew this was a sad subject for them but today we had the company of a pair of grandfather and granddaughter duo on the resort. I felt that this was a good time as any to broach the subject.

Not expecting the question from Edward surprised them a little and they held gazes of reflection on fond yet sad memories. They quickly had an eye-to-eye conversation that went like this.

Mom: 'Sam. Why is he asking about his grandparents all of a sudden?'

Dad: 'Emy. Do you remember the grandfather and granddaughter duo we had company with today?'

Mom: 'Oh my god! Dear, he must be missing his grandparents.'

Dad: 'Yes. I think it's time we tell Ed about them. He is smart enough to understand now.'

Mom: 'Okay dear. Then I will leave it up to you.'

Dad: 'Don't worry I will handle it.'

After that brief staring contest they looked back at me to find me awaiting the answer with anticipation.

"Well, Ed. Do you remember Uncle Charlie from Russell Square who visits us sometimes?", my dad asked me.

"Yes. I do. He brings sweets for me every time he visits", I replied.

"Correct" My dad continued, "My father and Charlie's father became good friends when they both served in the army. But after the war ended your uncle Charlie's father perished due to war injuries. So later on your grandfather helped support their family and we became family friends. Your grandmother passed away during my childbirth. Though I survived due to medical care."

Seeing my dad's sad look I hugged him. I wanted information but not make him remember his loss when I can very well understand how it feels like having recently lost my past life's family and friends.

Dad smiled at me and continued, "Although your grandfather was heartbroken after losing the love of his life he remained strong for me. He was there for me when I needed him both as a mother and a father. He changed my diapers, sent me to school every day before going to work, and after graduating from law school he also gave his blessings for me to marry your mom. By that time seeing as I was already on my way to a good life he passed away one day. He had a smile and a photo of my mother with him. He was the best person and my role model in life. He lived and died on his own terms."

My dad finished with a fond smile. After a moment my dad collected himself and looked toward my mom to tell me about her parents.

"Well, Ed. I don't remember much about my parents as when I was 2 years old I was dropped at the doors of the orphanage with just my name card and some cash. Our matron Miss Anna Aurora brought me up. I particularly loved her stew meat porridge which was simply heavenly."

After reminiscing a bit mom continued.

"I grew up helping in the kitchen where I developed my recipes for desserts and loved baking. With my savings and the help of the matron, I did my diploma course in culinary arts. During my apprenticeship, I met your father. Things moved on. I took our matron's first name as my middle name as she was more of my mother figure. The matron passed away 3 years ago because of ill health. She has been my role model and inspiration for being what I am today."

They found me zoning out lost in my own thoughts. Mom found my look cute and started cuddling me tighter and pulled my cheeks. I tried to get away from her evil clutches which I failed obviously. This exchange made my father laugh and we ended up all pulling at each other making a mess and ending up sharing a laugh together.

This was the first time since I woke up my memories my spirit felt free and liberated to have a genuinely good laugh. I needed that laughter very much. After all, Laughter is good for health and a great stress buster.

Over the course of the days, mom and dad also shared the story of how they met, how dad proposed to mom on the Twin Tower Bridge, and the reason why I am the only child as my mom is unable to give birth to another child without risking her own life due to medical complications during my childbirth, and how I was named Edward after the prince of wales since he was the one who opened the bridge back in 1894. Also coincidently in the same year that I was born the bridge's hydraulic-powered overhauling system was changed to an electro-hydraulic power system.

Twin Tower Bridge became a building of significance in my life as I bonded with my family. I felt a part of me liberated at finding my world anchors and reason for motivation to do better. Their presence was a constant reminder that my life was very much real and my own to make.

<FLASHBACK END>

Haunted by nightmares of my parents becoming a casualty due to the escalating wizarding war rapidly spiralling out of control. I neither had the power nor the authority to prevent it if it came to pass and if my fears did come true like the dark lord winning the war because of some butterfly effect. I feared losing my family once again.

I am not ready to lose my family again. One lifetime of tragedy is enough for me to take life seriously and take my best shot at it.

I realized that I was magical. How do I know I am magical? Well, since my awakening, I started noticing little signs when things unexpectedly went in my favour. Especially since I can sometimes pick up surface thoughts of my opponents in martial art mock duels with my intent to predict their attacks. Besides these instances, I recall no other bouts of accidental magic happening around me.

I very well knew that my being muggle-born would not help my case even if the dark lord was defeated by the saviour wonder boy when I enter a society dominated by the members of the pureblood families whether they be from the Dark, Light or Grey faction. The whole law heavily favours the purebloods and is oppressive towards the muggle-borns.

Meditation could only help me achieve a semblance of control over my new life. That's why I pushed myself to start with bare minimum of occlumency knowing full well that there may be consequences for starting using magic before the age of 11 without having adequate magical reserves for my age. Hopefully, my mutated soul would assist me to overcome this.

When I saw and heard about strangely dressed people celebrating on the streets even weeks after Halloween I was relieved. With this, I knew that the dark lord has been defeated by the saviour as prophesied. But dark times were not over.

I wanted no part in the pandemonium that followed in the wake of news of the defeat of the dark lord at the hands of a baby that will push his hard-core followers like Bellatrix Lestrange and Barty Crouch Jr to take desperate action like torturing the Longbottoms into insanity.

I was perfectly content with watching the events play as per canon. Though the Longbottoms will suffer a cruel end and Neville will always yearn for the love of his parents but what does it have to do with me?

I have no hero complex or wanna be a holy mother at every injustice and suffering I feel I can take action to resolve.

I will live my life with my and my loved ones' best interests at heart. I am not going to knowingly try to, directly or indirectly, change the canon events unless I am in the position of absolute advantage.

One man's loss is another man's treasure. And I don't plan on losing.