Pointless

I've been living for what feels like eternity and I can't solve my one problem. I am crying because It can't be helped. We are all doomed to a cruel fate no matter what immortality is a curse, the curse of knowledge that is eternal my problem is happiness. I want is a curse, I don't have what other people have all I want is for something to give me happiness I can't get that because it's not a physical object its always out of my grasp I want the feelings people say they don't, I want to know by the end of the day everything will be okay, I hurt so so much that the pain is worse then any burden, it's worse than gilt, it's worse than pain, it's worse than hate, worse than humanity, it's what i suffer from, it's called pointless.

If we had everything we wanted the world would have been destroyed on the first day we are too quick to wish that we get blinded of the outcome no one wants to die but if you don't die what's the point of doing anything, I can't sleep at night because I keep looking through the facts trying to solve sadness every page makes it worse until you need to put the pages away its starts over and over and over and over and over again to the point of insanity.

I am jealous of love because I can't feel it like others I want to be capable of showing love and feeling love but you can't get I see people talking and having fun and laughing I am jealous because what's the joke I can't tell if I am supposed to be laughing or crying because I can't understand.

I get scared of people knowing me I don't want people to judge me that's why I hate your face because no one can help but judge all those scars below the smiles and good times and saying your fine when your not I want you to feel your personality not see your face your hope the true beauty is the one that cant be changed whether your shy or insanely in love we want to see that not the many layers you put on every day just to avoid the stereotypes who judge the way you parents made you, yes your eyes might be crooked or your foreheads too big we don't want that just tell us your story.

I don't want to live in a world that gives you a single box to tick says you are done with life, I don't want to do that till I felt emotions, I want to wake up without feeling alone, I want to know the feeling of family, the feel something other than stress and anxiety, I know if I could go back in time I would not change a thing, not because I don't have regrets I know if I changed one thing I would of never shared this with someone as important as you, I can't describe you yet but I need you now but I don't know you yet…