31 Pretend Play

[Adrian's POV]

"It's a date then."

Blood pulsed in his ears at what he heard, searing every fiber of his being with resentment. But Adrian kept it in, clenched his fist, and walked out.

'Pretend like you don't care.'

Fuck. How can he pretend like he didn't care? Pretension was never his forte. It just happened that he's not the flamboyant type, so people never questioned his sexuality. And he's more inclined to women, anyway.

His fear of losing Rhia's interest may have driven him to hide the fact that he swung both ways. But that was five years ago, before he met Johan, before he felt something was lacking in his relationship with her.

Now, the truth he withheld out of fear and convenience became his shackles, restraining him from protecting what belonged to him. A different kind of fear swelled in his chest, and his arms shook as he ventured towards the locker area.

"Hi, Babe!" Rhia greeted him, taking out her bag from their shared locker.

"Yeah. Hi." Adrian took large steps and swooped her in his arms. Comfort seeped into him, but it's no longer the same.

Rhia chuckled and returned his embrace, oblivious of the turmoil in his heart. "I miss you too."

"Yeah." Adrian nestled his cheek against the side of her head, not minding the glances for their public display of affection. He doubted it would be the same if it's with Johan. Surprisingly, the thought no longer bothered him.

Metal clanked behind as someone opened their locker then closed it after getting their things. Just as Adrian was pulling away from Rhia, Johan walked past him. Their eyes met for a split second, before Johan averted his gaze and marched to the exit. It amazed Adrian how he was able to keep his emotions in check, unless he's embarrassed.

However, as he stared at the swing of those arms, he wished Johan would show him more emotions, enough for him to let go of Rhia and grab his hand instead. He's a jerk for having such thoughts, but he's already an even bigger jerk for cheating on Rhia, so what's the difference?

'I need to let one of you go. But who do I chose? The comfort of her embrace? Or the uncertain dream that you are, Han?'

"Babe?" Rhia squeezed his arm to get his attention. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Adrian forced his eyes away from the retreating back and forced a smile. "You on break?"

She nodded. "Wanna join me on my breakfast before you go?"

Taking one last glance through the glass door before Johan turned right and disappeared from his sight, Adrian's fingers twitched. His heart clenched with the desire to run after him.

Looking behind her shoulder, Rhia asked, "What are you looking at outside?"

"N-nothing, Babe." Adrian grabbed his girlfriend's waist. "Nothing."

'I don't think I can keep this up for much longer, Han.'

———

Adrian: Han, wer r u?

Han: I'm at d old market

Han: y?

Adrian: ok. see u :)

Han: Wait. U going 2 d market?

Adrian: Yup

Han: Okeii

———

After Rhia's lunch break, he texted Johan he'll be coming to the market to see him. Putting down his smartphone, Adrian grinned as Johan walked up to where he parked his motorbike across the City Hall. He's holding two small plastic bags, with his cross-body bag snuggled in front of him. He's cautious as always.

"Is that all you need to buy?"

"No. I've only just started." Johan lifted the plastic bags containing onions, garlic, and other spices. "You buying something?"

Adrian shook his head, his blond bangs swinging slightly against his forehead. "I just thought you may need a ride after you're done buying stuff."

Johan gave him a long stare that made him shifted on his feet. The last time he offered help, they got into an argument and he walked out on him despite knowing how heavy his groceries were. Maybe it was presumptuous of him to offer again?

Adrian scratched the side of his neck. "I'll just go home if—"

"Okay," Johan said after a long silence. "Come with me then. I can use an extra hand."

Wait. Come with him? They'll go shopping together? Adrian adjusted his collar. "You sure, Han?"

"It's fine if you don't want to." Johan swiveled and checked both sides of the road. "The old market kinda smell so—"

"Nope! I'll come with you." Adrian jogged to his side and they crossed the street together. He wanted to ask about the 'date' he overheard Diego mentioned but decided against it. He'll just ask later when they're back to Johan's apartment.

Olongapo Old Market buzzed with people; vendors trying to attract buyers with their low prices, and customers trying to bargain for a much lower price. It's seldom for Adrian to go to the market. Whenever he accompanied his Mom, she would complain his appearance was stopping the vendors from giving her a discount. When he told Johan about it, he paled and his languid eyes widened.

"Come with me." Johan gripped his shoulders and forced him to turn around.

"Wait, Han. Where are we going?" Adrian asked as Johan pushed him back to where they came from.

"We need to change clothes and hide your hair, Adrian," he said.

"What?"

Johan beckoned him to follow, and he did. It's not like he didn't know the roundabouts of Olongapo City, so when Johan stopped in front of a small Chinese-owned shopping mall across Rizal Triangle Park, he raised his eyebrows.

"I hope they have a turtleneck shirt here," Johan grumbled, pulling his the collar of his white dress shirt upwards.

Adrian caught a tinge of pink across his face and it made him smirk. "Why? Do you have something in your neck you need to hide?"

The playful punch he received had him laughing.

"Jerk."

They ventured inside the shopping center and his hand went on Johan's waist out of instinct after they passed by the security guard. Johan stiffened at his touch, but he didn't slap his hand away. Adrian let go, reluctantly.

Walking side by side, Johan gave him a sideway-glance and his knuckles brushed against his dejected hand. "You can put an arm around my shoulder, you know?"

Adrian perked up. "You sure?"

Johan grabbed his shoulder instead and guided him to the stairs. "Didn't you say we're friends?"

A smile made its way to his face as they headed to the top floor where apparels were located. When Johan let go to shuffle through the displayed clothes on the racks, Adrian brought an arm to his shoulder.

No one looked at them with judgement, aside from the sales lady with heart-shaped eyes. They were just two friends browsing for clothes.

"Thanks," Johan mumbled as he took a grey hoodie. "I can see that you're trying, Adrian. Thanks."

"Sure, Han. For you." Adrian lifted his hand for a fist bump, but Johan only put the hoodie on his arm. "Uh. Am I a hanger?"

Johan's shoulder quaked as he contained his laughter. "Go check if the hoodie fits you."

Shaking his head, Adrian trudged to the fitting room. After changing into the hoodie, he stepped out to the sight of Johan conversing with the saleslady, smiling.

"Han?"

They snapped their heads to his direction, the saleslady giving them a suspicious look. Shit! She must have mistaken it as 'Hon' and not 'Han'. Adrian was about to explain, but Johan gave him an OK sign and faced the saleslady again.

"I'm Hansen, by the way."

Wait, what?

The saleslady looked flustered at the hand that was offered and shook it with a shy smile. "M-my name's Lily, sir."

"I'm planning to get that hoodie for my cousin, and this turtleneck." Johan lifted a maroon shirt. "Also, do you have a baseball hat and eyeglasses?"

"Yes. On the ground floor."

"Uhm." Johan put on a thinking face, pinching his chin. "You don't happen to have a discount sale today, do you?"

An eternity of Johan flirting with three salesladies later, they both checked out at the cashier counter, paying sixty percent less of their purchase total.

Was this the charm Rhia mentioned? It's quite scary he may end up hoarding any store.

"Let's go get change." Johan pointed at the multi-purpose center beside Rizal Triangle Park. "It's getting late—err—early. Fuck. It's quarter to nine in the morning."

"Do we really have to change clothes?" Adrian asked as they entered the small dome, its blue-tinted glass-panels shielding them from the morning sunlight.

"Yes." Johan walked to the public bathroom, with Adrian tailing him from behind. "But I'll feel more comfortable if I am Hansen. And we need to hide your hair and eyes so I can bargain."

"Hansen?" Adrian asked as he pulled the hoodie on. That's also the name he told the saleslady. "What's with that name?"

"Just... a nickname."

After changing into the maroon turtleneck shirt, Johan combed his hair up and put on a non-prescription glasses. The beautiful grin he flashed had Adrian awestruck. "Let's go?"