Absence And Longing

[Adrian's POV]

He knew all Johan's previous 'I love you's' were forced—an obligatory reply to the hopeless appeal of his greedy heart. But the one time Adrian heard the earnest words from his usual cold, distant voice, he almost didn't want to let go. 

'I'm doing this because I love you that much.'

Adrian looked up the bus's window where Johan held his stare. He raised a hand to wave goodbye, resisting the urge to run after the moving vehicle. Johan misted the glass with his breath, blurring his vision of him before he drew a heart that made Adrian took a step forward.

For a split second, an image of a nameless boy looking at him through a car's window flickered in his memory, waving a tiny hand goodbye, never to be seen again.

A buzz on his groin made him stop on his tracks. And Adrian grabbed his phone that he inserted in his brief's garter to answer the call. "Han?"

"If you run after the bus, I'm kicking you in the balls."

"I'm not. You're so mean." Adrian could help but laugh at the threat, watching as the bus turned and entered the main highway.

"Just making sure, okay? It's raining."

"I miss you already, Han," Adrian said, walking idly to the bus station's sidewalk, following the red-streaked white vehicle with his eyes. He rubbed the slight twinge of pain above his eyebrows with his palm.

"I.." Johan paused, then lowered his voice. "I-I miss you too."

"Why are you whispering?"

"Am I suppose to shout?"

"Why not?"

Johan scoffed a quiet laugh. "In your dreams."

Adrian stopped just as the bus disappeared into the curtain of heavy rainfall. "But you are my dream, Han."

"H-here you go again." Johan cleared his throat, clearly embarrassed. "I'm hanging up. Bye."

"Bye, Han."

A soft beep signified the end of their conversation, leaving Adrian standing in front of a low-roofed store, barely giving him shelter from the cold spray of the rain. With a quiver, Adrian sprinted his way to the hotel that was only a street away from the station.

———

"Goodness gracious, Adrian! Where have you been?" Adelia boomed the moment Adrian stepped into the hotel's reception area, startling the lady behind the counter, and other guests who were lounging around the lobby.

Adrian slapped a hand to his forehead, gliding his fingers through his wet hair. He should have seen this coming. "I texted you, Mom."

"You texted me twenty-four hours after you disappeared to God knows where?" Her warm fingers clasped both sides of his face, turning his head left to right, checking for non-existent bruises. "Turn around. You didn't get hurt, did you?"

The back of Adrian's neck heated up as he felt strangers' gaze on them. He groaned and gently pulled away from his mother's clutches. "Mom, this is embarrassing. Can you not do this here?"

Adelia gave an incredulous gasp, putting her hands to her waist. "If you don't want me to do this here, then don't disappear without warning like that. I even called Rafael here to help us file a missing person—"

"What? Why would you—?" 

The young officer met Adrian's eyes, who gave a curt nod. Beside him stood his two little sisters. Audrey had a hidden smirk behind her lips, While Abigail, the youngest, gave him a worried look.

"I'm—Mom—I'm going up to change. Talk to you later."

"Adrian--"

"Later, Mom!" Shaking his head, Adrian went to the receptionist for the key since he surrendered it before going out. "Room 304, please? Adrian Guevara."

After dashing upstairs to escape his mother's interrogation, Adrian inserted the key and unlocked the door. He suppressed another frustrated groan upon realizing the room he didn't use for an entire day will still be charged to his name.

Well, he didn't know he'd end up spending a day and night on a farm. He didn't even anticipate there would be drinking involved. But it's been a while since he had that kind of freedom. He got carried away, yet again.

And also, because he's with Johan.

"Were you out drinking? With who?" Adelia asked after she followed after him. "You're going back to your old ways again, aren't you? Do you think you're still a teenager?"

Adrian swiveled and leaned on the doorframe, facing his mother with a defeated sigh. "Yeah. I... got a little drunk and lost track of time. Sorry."

"Adrian—"

"Sorry, Mom. I was stressed, okay? It's been a stressful week."

Adelia's stern gaze softened. She reached a hand to caress his cheek. "Alright. Alright, Honey. I understand. I just thought something happened."

Guilt surged to his chest for his irresponsibility. Despite his damp clothes, Adrian wrapped his arms around his mother. "I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to worry you."

Adelia rubbed his back. "It's okay. You're here now, that's what matters. I was just worried. I almost lost Aaron. I can't lose you too."

"Sorry again, Mom. It won't happen again."

"I doubt. But, anyway." Adelia placed a kiss on his temple and pulled away. "Go get changed before you catch a cold. Have you eaten yet?"

"Yeah, yeah. I already did." Adrian returned the kiss to her forehead. With one last stroke of reassurance to her arm, he entered the hotel room.

After getting involved in numerous bloody fights when he was younger, Adelia's tendency to dote on him became more incessant. Only after he mellowed out from social gatherings that she gave him space to breathe. That was when he started dating Rhia.

The rain continued to beat down outside like a drumroll in a continuous rhythm, filling the silence that gripped him with a sudden longing.

Throwing his smartphone and wallet on the bed, Adrian stripped off his wet clothes and debated with himself if he should just change or take a quick shower. 

It was the worst time and day to part ways. He couldn't even go out to distract himself. The reception of Wifi was weak inside the room to play any mobile games he had installed on his phone. Adrian only had the flatscreen television to entertain himself.

"I really have it bad, huh?" Adrian mused to himself, dropping onto the bed with just his underwear. Instead of grabbing a change of clothes, he reached for the bed covers and wrapped it around his naked torso.

It hasn't been an hour since Johan left and separation anxiety already struck him like the deadly flash of lightning from above. Adrian curled on the bed and grabbed his phone. He opened his gallery and smiled upon seeing the photo he took before he fell down the mud with Johan.

"I can't wait to see you again, Han." Adrian clutched a pillow to his chest, trying to ease out the loneliness crawling to his chest.

He was about to fall asleep when a knock on the door forced him to rouse from the bed. Feeling lazy to throw in a change of clothes, Adrian simply wrapped a towel to his lower region and trudged to open the door.

It must be his mother again coming to check on him.

Gripping the handle, the lock unlatched with a click. The door creaked as he swung it open. And Adrian caught his breath in surprise to see the person standing before him.

"Babe?"

Her equally surprised eyes swooped down to his body before meeting his gaze. She blushed and looked away. "Hi, Babe."