42 No Longer A Mysterious Boy

"Love?" I asked just to be clear.

"Yes Ha Na love, I always had something different for you, that's why I didn't define our relationship as friendship but I was also not sure whether it was love or not, at that time. But now I am damn sure."

"I love you"

"I truly do"

"Ji Hoon if it is some kind of prank then I beg you to stop, because this type of things has happened to me several times. In junior high school, boys used to give dare to one of their friend to go and talk to me and sometimes to propose me, meanwhile those who gave dare used to hide in the bush or somewhere to laugh."

"Do you think I am that type of person?" Ji Hoon asked as he tightened his grip on my shoulders.

I know he isn't like those cheap boys but I am really not sure, so I told him the truth. "I am not sure Ji Hoon, it's not because I don't trust you but it's because of who I am." I looked at my shadow, which is etched on the ground because of the faint sunlight and said "I am the type of person whose shadow is beautiful than her real self, so how can I ever believe that someone loves me"

My shadow that was here just a moment ago, isn't here anymore because sun is now covered with the clouds all around it and it's drizzling.

"Ha Na, I love each and every part of you just the way it is"

He bent down a little to look straight into my eyes. His beautiful ocean eyes are just few centimetres apart from meeting my grim eyes.

"Look into my eyes Ha Na, don't flinch just look inside them"

His eyes are sparkling, exquisite waves are forming inside his ocean eyes. As I was bewitched by his eyes, he kept coming closer and closer and now his eyes are just few millimetres apart from mine.

"What did you see Ha Na?" he is so close that I can feel his whisper on my face.

The man who's robbed of all the warmth is finally here with me.

"Your eyes are sparkling.. beautiful waves.. ocean" I said in a soft voice.

"It's all because of you Ha Na, you know there is a saying that one's eyes sparkle when they talk about or look at their loved one. I even showed you my frozen eyes that day, it was frozen because you were not with me. Do you still not believe me?" he kept coming closer and closer while he was saying all these but I wrested myself apart from his grip and finally took a breathe.

"But Ji Hoon.. I don't think.. my feelings are that deep for you"

"It's okay Ha Na, you don't have to love me, just let me love you, just don't leave me, stay with me. Please"

"You know, I never wanted to leave you, I would've never left only if I was sure of you. I like to be with you, you make me feel safe and sound but then there's a tint of fear, because I don't know who you are, I don't know what these beautiful eyes are hiding behind them. What do you think someone will feel after looking at someone who gets completely drenched in blood one day and looks completely fine the other day. You have no idea how much my heart aches while looking at you in that state, I get scared to death when I see you like that. I want to protect you at all cost but how can I, when I know nothing about you, literally nothing. You've drawn a huge wall between us, that wall is not breaking and we are getting distant because of your wall."

It started raining heavily, but none of us are willing to go.

"You know, I am not like other people, I am different because for other people it's easy to lose one person and get another. With the face they have, they can always find another person or maybe a better one and with that hope they can accept and endure the loss, afterall tomorrow is just another day for them, but it's not same for me. I can't lose even a single person that I have in my life and I neither have a hope nor tomorrow is just another day, as everyday is a new challenge for me. Because of this reason, I try to cling with a person till my last breath, I could've have fought for you with my mom that day, but instead I let you go just because I wasn't sure of you. I thought how could I fight for someone whom I don't even know properly."

"I've already told you and I am again telling you that, I like your warmth but I'm scared that I'll burn away in it."

"I like your company, I can't even tell you how happy I was during all the time I was with you, infact when I think about my past I don't recall all the hardship and bullies that I endured but all I can recall is the moment that I shared with you. I was indeed really happy during those times but deep down I was scared and I am scared"

It feels so good after ranting out every word that I had planted in my mind for such a long time.

We both are sheerly drenched in rain water but still we are rooted with the ground, in an open sky.

"Ha Na you want to know the truth?"

I nodded modestly.

"Come with me to a place, I have to show you something"

"Okay"