29 First Kiss

After reading the poem Ji Hoon started sobbing, his body quivering and large veiny hands resting on his face but still cannot hide his tears.

He looked straight into my eyes and asked in a feeble voice "Do you still want me to go?"

My heart aches, god please I don't want him to go.

He again repeated himself in a different way "Do you really want a star of your life to fade away?"

This made more impact than the previous one. I want to speak, I want to say what my mum asked me to do, but words are stuck in my throat.

His jade-like skin glistening under the moonlight, his tears glimmering on his face and pitiful eyes looking straight at me, waiting for an answer.

Looking at his pathetic look welled-up my eyes too, I can't tell him how much I don't want him to leave, I can't express how much I want to take him in my embrace and cry my eyes out with him.

I nodded my head impatiently to tell him to leave.

Ji Hoon sighed immediately, jerked his head downwards, covered his head with his hood and stood up.

I guess he is leaving, I turned my head other side and pursed my lips to stop my tears from coming out, I literally can't see him going.

In a blink of an eye, Ji Hoon came towards me. My heart skipped a beat, he always makes me flustered. He crouched down to look directly at my face.While I am dumbfounded, what is he going to do?

He stroked my left cheek lightly with his thumb. It was just a gentle touch, but I felt like I had been electrocuted, and couldn't contain a shiver.

I can still see tears in his eyes, but his thumb kept moving on my cheeks.

Afterwards, he clears his throat as if emotion has welled up in his throat, then said "Really?"

I again nodded but slowly this time.

He brought his hand to my nape, before I could react he yanked my face towards him.

I wonder what's this soft creature on my lips.

It's Ji Hoon's cherry-like lips pressed against mine.

My eyes widened, mind went blank, body stopped working, and just gave myself in.

His lips are so soft that I feel like biting it, but I should control my emotions.

He pressed hardly, which made me open my mouth with a moan. Then his tongue started exploring my mouth entirely. This is the moment I realised, what a gem I'm going to lose. At the thought of him going away forever, tears finally made their way out.

I closed my eyes, bewitched by his work carrying on, in my mouth.

He pulled off, but my eyes are still close, I can't face him. Deep down, I didn't want him to ever stop, it was so pleasing. He wiped off my tears, which made me open my eyes.

I asked with a broken voice "Why would you ever kiss me? I am not even half as pretty."

"You're just the best Ha Na. The best."

My heart always melts because of his sweet words and it always feels like he genuinely means all of his words.

"I thought, kissing you would make things awkward between us. Which would help me in staying away from you"

I can't tell him, how much I enjoyed it, how elated I was during those few minutes. But I have to show that I am disappointed, so I yelled "Hey! do you have any idea what you did just now?" then I again yelled with more emphasis "You ruined my first kiss!". All these yelling and anger is just superficial, I must say I was delighted.

"I am sorry" he mentioned feebly.

"Leave it, just promise me you'll stay away from me, you'll act like as if I don't exist and I will do the same". No one will believe how difficult it was for me to utter these words.

"If that's what you want I'll do it, but can I ask you for a favour?"

I raised my eyebrows.

"Can you please not tell In Na about anything. I'll never show up at her place especially during your working time. If she'll ask anything, just keep making excuses never say anything like we broke up"

"I'll do it, but I want to know why?"

"I never dated anyone, because of that she started having these delusions that I am asexual and often asked me to visit doctors, therapists and introduced me to girls all the time. I couldn't tolerate it anymore, so I lied that we are in a relationship and I guess it even benefitted you in some way"

This made me chukle and I showed him a thumbs up to tell him that I can carry on this lie.

"I am truly sorry Ha Na. If I have hurted you in any way"

"It's okay as long as we'll avoid each other" I said as if it was a matter of course.

We both said "take care" to each other and gave our good-byes.

It feels like everything is settling back down. I curse him for being with me in the first place, but I am also grateful of him to show me what a friendship feels like. But on second thought, were we friends? Who cares! it was all in past, now Ji Hoon is just a memory. A good one. After all I enjoyed my time as long as I was with him.

.....

I came back home wondering why does my heart feel so heavy, why do I feel like crying.What is this weird feeling? I sat down on a chair in the living room, thinking about everything, from beginning to end. I am adrifted to a maze of thoughts.

Mum took a seat across me, looked at my face pitifully.

"Mum, was it really necessary to let go of Ji Hoon. He was the only good person in my life other than you mum" I croaked.

"Something that's good to you, doesn't mean that's good for you" mum mentioned candidly.