30 Facial Dysmorphia

I stood up from the chair and yelled "Mum! Don't you forget, you were the one who asked me to stick with Ji Hoon"

"Yes and now your same mum is asking you to cut all ties with him" she replied instantly.

"Mum.. I can't believe this is coming from you" I whimpered.

"Ha Na, I am really proud of you my girl for listening to me regarding Ji Hoon. I'm so happy that my girl even though she's against my wish, but still tries to fulfil it. I am really happy, but I still have a tint of fear. Just.. in a way that stays with me. Because in the end no matter what I say or do or wish, the decision will be all yours. While all I can do is hope."

I strode to my mom and bent down, kept my palm over hers and said feebly "I trust you mom, I really do. And that's the only reason why I'm willing to do anything you ask for. You're more mature than me, your decision will always be right for me."

"I love you Ha Na"

"I love you too mom"

"I'll have to go for work, take care my baby" Mum said as she patted my head.

"Bye mom you too take care"

.....

I closed my bedroom door and here I am, all alone once again.

I lied down on my bed and looked myself in the mirror, which is right in front of me.

I alway avoid mirrors as whenever I look myself in it my whole day gets ruined. Looking myself in the mirror is such a wet blanket for me.

It is so disbelieving that I'm actually watching myself not just barely looking but observing myself meticulously. I wonder after how long I am doing this.

I got up from the bed and went straight to the mirror. Standing right in front of it, my jaws agaped.

How much my face has changed, Why did I never realise this? No wonder, why I was self-conscious about my face all the time. No wonder, why do I have facial dysmorphia.

My looks are breathtaking. I am the ugliest person alive for sure.

How could Ji Hoon walk with me, talk with me, showered all the love and support to me. Wasn't he ashamed of me? Both of us are extraordinary when it comes to looks but definitely in a complete opposite way. Ji Hoon who looks like an idol, statue-like-handsome guy whereas me, who has worst facial features and is most unattractive human being.

"Ahhh" "Ahhhh...." I kept screaming and screaming in a heart-wrenching way. This is what I like the most about being home alone. I can do whatever I want without any questions or disturbances.

After screaming so much, I am gasping for air but it feels better. A lot was going on in my mind I desperately needed that screaming.

Now it doesn't bother me much to look at my face, which is full of scars, dark circles, acne and oily breakouts.

My small, brown, cat-shaped eyes which is unappealing for everyone. A small nose with a weird ala and apex shape, dorsum a bit more bent downwards almost meeting my cheeks level and nose tip rose upwards. What a strange nose I have. And an ordinary bruised lips, with chubby cheeks and thin eyebrows. All etched on my big face.

I really detest how I look.

I truly hate myself for being like this.

"Aahh....." I threw a fist at the mirror out of loathe, with full intensity. Blood started oozing out from my knuckles. And tiny pieces of mirror got scattered around me.

I took a deep breath and then again lied down on my bed. Then the thought of money bothered me, I need to quickly think of how to gather that huge sum of money, I don't have much days left.

I grasped my hair with both of my hands and pulled it, out of frustration, what should I do?

Let's Google it. I took out my laptop and searched "How to earn huge sum of money easily and quickly?"

But none of the results were helpful as mostly all of them required either skills or time and I have neither.

I should focus on my skills, what I can do, what do I have?

Wait a minute.. I actually have one thing. Damn why did I never think of this earlier? Even though I don't have a face to adore at but I do have a body. I remember, how I was bullied for being fat in middle school and I starved myself and gradually suffered from bulimia eating disorder, but at least I got a nice figure. It has been years but I still watch what I eat to maintain my weight, and thank god I am not short, I atleast have height, I am 169 centimetres tall and I am proud of it. But how foolish I was to believe that they'll stop bullying me after loosing weight.

But let the bygones be bygones and get to work for money.

I will work as a strip dancer at a strip club, I know it won't be easy as I am still a minor but I'll manage it.

But I am quite terrified, will it be safe?

Yes yes it will be, I'm a fighter and also it's not like I'm gonna be completely naked it will be partial only, so nothing to worry about.

Let's get ready to go to a strip club!