Chapter 21

As soon as Damien had left to fetch Saninna, I began nervously pacing my abode. There was no reason for my nervousness. They had not been able to stop me from leaving and they would not be able to force me back. This I was sure of, and yet I paced and worried my thumb between my teeth, biting it.

I looked at the table in my sitting room and immediately began setting it straight. There were books scattered about, some half read and left open while others had been fully read and placed in a haphazard pile at the corner. Some cups and plates graced the table as well, which made me groan.

I began making quick work of tidying the books. I looked at one, 'The Origins of Alters', and my mood turned sour. This had been the third book Damien had given me. He had written this book and within it it detailed exactly how Alters such as myself had come into being and any characteristics unique only to them.

I understood why Damien had given me such a book. He had wanted me to read about the type of creature I was and what that would mean for any future I chose to have, yet it still turned my mood the moment I read it.

The theory of Alters had been created when there had been a shortage of reproducing creatures in hell. It had been made as a contingency plan on the chance that it would be needed. The procedure was to be done willingly and without coercion…until Leviathan had taken a hold of the research.

He created alters from any and all creatures he could find. It had taken him a century to bring his plans into fruition and now I stood as living proof of the success of that plan.

Alters were created to be the perfect breeder, regardless of gender. They were made to take only the best genetics and forward it onto their children. There was no threat of inbreeding causing any genetic anomalies as any illness or malformation would be rejected before the fetus had even managed to implant fully. Only children of optimal health would be born to an alter. Those born to an alter would, themselves, be an alter as well. The gene for it being passed down from the 'mother'.

This meant that for me to have been born an alter, my mother had to have been one as well. My father mattered far less as the gene was only passed from mother to child in the womb.

It had taken me a week to come to terms with what I had learned. Obviously I learned quite early on that I was able to bear children, having been forced to do so prior to my mental break. I had not known much more, though.

If I chose to have children, which I did not wish to do so, any child born from me would be an alter. Would have the same stigma thrown onto them. Would have the same fears and uncertainty wearing them down.

I could, in theory, have had a child with a female creature, someone who could bear our young with no worries, but that too would mean I would have to be willing to have any children at all, and at the age I was, that thought was not appealing to me.

That being said, there was only ever one person I had loved and one person I had wanted in my life and if we had ever chosen to have children, I would have had to be the one to birth them. That did not sound appealing.

I shook my head with a sigh and placed the books on the bookshelf one by one. These idle thoughts could wait. I was young yet and I had many years to come to terms with what I would want later in my life.

I had a few books left when a knock broke me from my concentration. I placed the books on the table and walked to the door, opening it to the smiling face of Saninna and Damien. Her eyes sparkled with happiness and her smile was wide and enthusiastic.

"I missed you." She said, vibrating with impatience.

"I missed you as well." I replied, moving to the side and granting them entry. "It is good to see you."

"I'm so sorry." She yelled, walking in and immediately draping her arms around me in a hug. "Daddy kept telling me not to tell you and I wanted to tell you and he wouldn't let me and Lycher said it was for your own good and I believed him and I'm so so so sorry."

I hugged her close and placed my face to her neck, inhaling a scent that was wholly hers. I listened to her prattle on and on in her apology to me and my heart clenched as her words began to tremble and tears began staining my shoulder.

"I never wanted to lie to you. I never wanted you to not know. They told me to wait…I'm so sorry."

I framed her face with my hands and tilted her head so she would finally look at me. Her eyes were beginning to swell and tears were staining her cheeks and yet she still looked so beautiful. I was sure not a thing in this world could make her look any less than perfect.

"Hush now." I soothed. "I am no longer angry."

She sniffled once before tears flowed out once more. She was obviously very upset. I shook my head fondly and placed a kiss on her forehead before hugging her head to my chest and letting her cry out her fears and worries into my shirt.

"Damien." I called, looking up at the Devil before me. "Would you please get a glass of water?"

"Sure thing gorgeous." He said with a smile before disappearing towards the dining room to fetch a cup.

It took a while but slowly her tears ebbed and she was left a hiccuping mess in my arms.

"Let us sit." I said, guiding her to a couch and sitting her next to me. She continued to cling to me, worried I would leave her should she let go.

"I'm sorry." She sniffed. "I won't ever lie to you again."

"You were not the reason I left." I said, removing the hair stuck to her face. "I was angry with you, yes, but it was Lucifer who I could not be around."

"Why?" She asked, looking at me with puffy eyes. "Daddy really loves you."

"He loves the idea of me being his child." I explain gently. "He does not know me well enough to love me."

"Daddy's been really sad since you left." She wiped her nose as she spoke. "He said he won't force you to come back."

"He should never have forced me to come." I said, holding Saninna close to my side.

"He said you won't ever come back." She wailed, tears wetting her face once more. "Don't you love me anymore?"

"I treasure you." I said, trying to wipe her tears. "But he is correct. I will probably never return. As long as Damien will allow me to stay, I intend to stay."

"But I'll miss you and then I'll forget you like I forget everyone else and I can't forget you. I don't want to forget you."

I hand her a handkerchief and watch her blow her nose. I had no clue what she was going on about but whatever it was, the fear was very clearly there.

"You can visit." I assured her. "Every day, if that will help."

"Daddy won't let me." She says. "It took me so long to get permission for this."

"Stay for a few days." I said, frowning. "I will make sure you can visit any time you wish."

"But daddy will get mad." She sniffed.

"Let him get angry." I said, becoming quite annoyed on her behalf. "I will deal with it."

"Here's the water." Damien said, handing me a glass.

I nodded toward him thanking him, before getting Saninna to slowly drink the offered water. The more she drank the calmer she became until her tears had finally dried.

"Can I really stay for a bit?"

I nodded and her demeanor brightened immediately. Her shoulders lifted and her eyes brightened as she smiled at me. "Thank you."

"No problem at all." I smiled back, before looking up at Damien.

"I need to talk to Lucifer." I said, annoyance clear in my voice. "I would rather not look at him but if I must I will."

"I got it." Damien nodded. "You won't have to look at him if you don't want to, but what's this about?"

"He is being difficult about Saninna visiting." I answer with a sigh. "I understand that I had left whilst angry but I had hoped he knew how much I adore my sister."

"Fair point, but he's dense. He honestly might think you'd rather kill her than forgive her." Damien points out and I can't help the groan that leaves me.

"Why is he like this?" I asked, pinching the bridge of my nose. "It seems as though he has no sense."

"He's very emotionally driven." Damien explained, taking a seat on the opposite couch. "When he fell, his reason and logic were taken from him. He was punished to let his emotions control him."

"Why?" I asked, placing the now empty glass on the table.

"Daddy fell because he was mad at God." Saninna whispered.

"Thou who hast forsaken me and risen thine weapon to bring forth harm to me for the sake of thine emotions, shall henceforth forego logic. Thine emotions which have brought you to mine feet shall in turn destroy you."

"What?" I looked between Damien and Saninna, confused.

"God took something vital from each of us before we fell." Damien explained. "He wanted us to suffer for what we'd done."

"And taking away his logic and sense was the way to do it?" I raised a brow.

"He lives in a constant state of anxiety." Saninna explained. "He's constantly afraid we'll die."

"That seems a bit excessive." I mumbled. "What was your punishment?" I asked Saninna.

"To live a life of ignorance." She said, sadly. "I was once the angel of bliss, and I have now been morphed into the devil of ignorance. A just punishment for my role in the battle against god."

"None of this is justified." I must have sounded angry as Saninna flinched at my response. "What could you have possibly done?"

"We tried to kill god." Damien's answer floors me. I knew he spoke of a battle but I had no clue it had been a vendetta to kill God.

"What could have possibly possessed you all to do such a thing?" I shout.

"The destruction of the nephilim." Saninna answered, eyes glazed over. "The murder of those we charished."

"Saninna and Lucifer lost a lot when the nephilim died." Damien explained.

"They did not just die." Saninna yelled. "They were slaughtered where they slept. The many were cut short for the slight of the few. Our omnipotent bastard of a God murdered my brother for a crime he could have prevented. He could have stopped it."

"And so you rose up and fought." I iterated, looking between them. "You all fell for the crime of being wronged?"

"Something like that." Damien nodded. "We were damned for our folly in thinking we could best our creator. He was and will always be merciless to those who forsake him."

I was left speechless. There was nothing to be said that would ease the wounds of centuries nor anything to be done to ease their minds. They had been thrown, broken and distraught, into a world of damnation to seek out their own truths while their very minds betrayed them.