11 Chapter 10 - The Airwaves Are Clean

"You have the opportunity to travel the multiverse, live through multiple lifetimes, and you have a pandimensional being as both tour guide and traveling companion." Alpha 7419 was utterly flabbergasted by the impertinence. "Do you honestly feel like that isn't compensation enough?"

Frowning, Sam thought it over. It did seem like a good deal on the surface, but he'd been screwed over by more than one job that put on a pretty face during the interview, only to reveal the soul-crushing corporate wheels once it was too late to back out. Plus, even though it sounded nice, didn't the perks Alfie just mentioned basically add up to nothing more than room and board?

"Can we renegotiate payment after I've completed a few missions so that I have a better grasp on how things work?" Sam bargained.

"Of course," Alfie agreed readily, a little surprised. Despite still feeling that this host was greedy for wanting more, at least he wasn't incapable of rational thought. "If you want to speak with someone about remunerations at a later time, I can arrange that."

"In the meantime," he tapped the document Sam had returned to the table without actually reading, "is your employment contract. Please review it and sign where indicated."

To say Sam skimmed it would be an exaggeration. He pretty much just looked for the signature lines, read a word here or there if they looked important, and skipped on to the next until he reached the end.

The last few paragraphs caught his eye, causing him to pause before signing the final line. 

[I, Samuel Howard Connors, agree to perform all duties of an IMDA Case agent, to the best of my abilities, as detailed in the employee handbook, and adhere to the policies and regulations listed herein.]

[In the event of a breach of contract, I understand that I will be subject to immediate dismissal and imprisonment pending the results of an investigation and subsequent trial by a jury of my peers.]

[Furthermore, by signing this document, I acknowledge that I have been informed that possible sentences for breach of contract include but are not limited to imprisonment, fines, or in extreme cases, total erasure from the timeline.]

Sam: '...' Officially scared now.

"Just sign it," the alpha system urged impatiently. He was all for being thorough, but after witnessing his new partner breeze through the rest of the paperwork, Alpha 7419 was a little annoyed that he would suddenly stop now. "What's the problem?"

Still hesitating, Sam glanced up at Alfie. "I'm not so sure I should. What does it mean 'erasure from the timeline'?"

"It means you won't have ever existed. No trace of you will be left in any part of the multiverse," Alpha 7419 replied brusquely, an act that he immediately regretted the moment he noticed the look of abject terror that twisted Sam's handsome features.

Scolding himself inwardly for his impatience, the system carefully suppressed the irritability in his heart as he attempted to coax the reluctant person sitting across the table from him. "But you won't need to worry about that. I will be with you the entire time, and our fates are linked, so I am also motivated to ensure there are no mistakes in completing the missions."

Despite his good intentions, Sam wasn't feeling any better about this situation. He was a notorious fuck up when he was alive, ok? It was understandable if he was a little hesitant about risking his very existence on the chance that he could follow directions and avoid breaking the rules.

Seeing Sam staring at the paper biting on his plump lower lip but making no motion to sign it, the AI tried again. "Even if you make a mistake, I doubt the consequences will be that dire. Either way, it's been a long time since anyone has actually been executed, so there truly is nothing to worry about."

"How long?" Sam asked, allowing his guard to drop slightly.

After a brief reflection, Alpha 7419's face twisted uncomfortably. "Two..."

Sam narrowed his eyes in suspicion at the suddenly mumbling system. "Two what?"

"Two..." the AI hesitated again, but watching his host's expression grow steadily darker, he could only continue, looking as though he was digging his own grave, "weeks."

Sam: '...'

Alfie: '...' How was I supposed to know that some little no-name went and picked the pocket of a creator's favorite lover in an interstellar universe, causing them to miss their transgalactic flight, and consequently, the fateful encounter where the two first met?!

"It was centuries before that, though," he added lamely, cursing himself for not checking the information before running his mouth. How embarrassing.

"I changed my mind," Sam stated, pushing himself brusquely away from the table and standing up. "Take me to the afterlife. Even going to hell would be better than not existing at all."

"Sam, I assure you that I do not take this matter lightly, and I promise that the job isn't as dangerous as it seems," Alpha 7419 guaranteed emphatically. "You would have to alter the fate of an entire universe multiple times without showing an ounce of remorse or a desire to improve." 

Or piss off one of the big bosses, but really, how common was that?

"Uh-uh," Sam disagreed resolutely. "It's too much risk and not enough reward. I'm not doing it, and that's final. Take me away."

Sam planted his feet and crossed his arms over his chest, indicating that any further argument would do nothing to shake his resolve. What did these systems take him for? He may not be a genius, but he wasn't stupid.

Wracking his brains, the alpha system searched for some way to make this stubborn and mercurial host that he was unfortunately saddled with relent. 

If it could be avoided, he would prefer not to be labeled a failure before officially embarking on his first task. The alpha system felt that it was one thing if he had taken the chance to back out in the beginning, but after coming this far, only to fail in the end, well, how could he face his new boss?

"If the problem is compensation," he started, but Sam wouldn't let him finish his thought.

"That's not it," he interrupted, his face filled with reticence. 

"Then what-"

Suddenly a perverse and irritating thought popped into Alfie's mind, and he gave his host an ice-cold stare.

"This is about sex, isn't it?" Alpha 7419 asked, his face unreadable.

Sam could practically see ice crystals forming in the air around him, causing his voice to waver as he stammered unconvincingly, "N-no?"

"I knew it," the system proclaimed dully, this time making no attempt to disguise the exasperation in his voice. Somewhat incredulous at the discovery, he asked, "You're afraid that you're so incapable of keeping it in your pants that you'll cause us both to get executed? Are you serious?"

Flustered, Sam looked away, kicking lightly at the grass beneath his feet, a trace of blush dusting his cheeks.

This slag man. They haven't even started their first assignment, and he's already planning to dig pits. 

"Sexual intercourse isn't a problem," Alfie advised, groaning mentally at his misfortune. Hardening his resolve, he stood up straighter and reluctantly added, "It may even be encouraged in some cases."

"Really?" Sam glanced up with a grin before recalling that he was trying to be firm in his rejection. Schooling his expression, he cleared his throat and protested, "I'm not interested."

"It's true," the system confirmed. "The only hard-line restriction is that you cannot interfere with the course of destiny. As long as you don't bring any unauthorized children into existence, kill someone who should be alive, or otherwise greatly alter the timeline, you are free to do whatever you want." 

"So what you're saying is, I can fuck pretty much whoever, whenever, and where ever I want, as long as I don't knock 'em up?" Sam asked, practically salivating at the thought.

"Sure," Alfie replied non-committaly. He only felt a little guilty that he didn't mention that his host might end up being the one that got 'knocked up'...

After quickly scribbling his signature on the page, Sam rubbed his hands together and gave his new partner an anticipatory look. "Alright, Alfie, what's the first assignment?"

"In order to protect the integrity of the time stream, we are not allowed to access the mission details until we arrive at the destination," Alpha 7419 responded.

"So, it's like Russian roulette?" Sam asked mildly unnerved at the implication, and the system's indifference only heightened that feeling, but he had already signed, and no matter how flighty, he was still a man of his word.

"You could say that." Without waiting for any further objections from his problematic host, Alfie initialized the countdown. "Transmigration in three... two..."

Sam: Why do I feel like I am going to regret this?

"One..."

A blinding white light enveloped the pair, and when in a flash, they were gone.