Does Demon Goat need a Phone?
This is a double upload, so don't forget to check ch 11 first
A red-haired girl in tight jeans and a black leather jacket sat atop a pile of rubble, fallen from the nearest two-story stone house, with a floating canvas in front of her. In her left arm was a paint palette, and a tiny brush in her right.
She carefully painted lines on the canvas, drawing inspiration from the bustling cityscape in front of her. Completely immersed in her artistic endeavor, she ignored her surroundings, barely keeping track of the breeze and the setting sun. Her tongue stuck out mimicking her right hand's movements, she was surely a bizarre sight to see, yet no one paid her any attention.
The people of E-Rantel completely ignored her presence as if she wasn't even there, which to be fair, she might as well have not.
It didn't take long, only a half hour, for a near-perfect replication of the city bleeding into the horizon to take shape upon the white canvas. But as an artist at heart, Artemel couldn't just finish the work. The new layers of paint went over the already dried one, changing the picture ever so slightly and subtly.
Time didn't matter, only her work did. The artist could never be truly satisfied with her work. After all, perfection was a goal that always changed, approachable but never accomplished. It could be chased but never reached, something she knew all too well.
As she worked, she suddenly glanced to her right and asked in a cheerful tone. "So what do you think?"
"Subtleties of a creative process are your expertise, not mine. But I would say you have captured the city quite well." Regoz replied, standing about three meters away from her, in the middle of the muddy street, staring upwards.
"Thank you." She flashed him a large grin, twirling her brush.
"I assume you have something in mind." Regoz took a step closer, warily.
Artemel stood up, dismissing her painter's tools, and grabbed the canvas, taking a long, critical look at it.
"I want to borrow one of your figurines for an alternate timeline."
"I don't mind, so long as it doesn't affect this one. You know it won't be me who disciplines you if something goes wrong."
"I know, I know. The Queen doesn't like it when I mess around. I'll be careful. But let's go get something to bite. They serve a stellar pork roast in a nearby tavern." Artemel responded with the same cheerful demeanor as earlier.
"Lead the way." Regoz nodded at her suggestion, waiting as she leaped down from the stack.
The pair walked the uneven streets towards the tavern, with Regoz walking over muddy puddles, and Artemel skipping around the obstacles with a youthful playfulness.
The brightly lit tavern, mostly catering to high-ranking adventurers and richer merchants, was spacious and lightly decorated. With decor like slightly expensive furniture, a bard softly strumming in the corner, and well-dressed waitresses, it made a fine place for two seemingly nonexistent entities.
The pair took their seats and waited for one of the tavern maidens to approach their table.
"So, I want to take Ubert and drop him in a particular region of existence," Artemel spoke as she absentmindedly gave the waitress a mental order on what exactly she wanted.
"You want the Demon Goat?" Regoz chuckled, doing the same. Unlike Artemel who ordered a massive dinner, plus most of the desserts available, his order consisted of a selection of cheese and a bottle of their best wine. He preferred to entertain the more exquisite parts of mortal lives.
"Yeah. The cunt of a Love Goddess fucked up the story I was making, and the old fart didn't stop her." Her cheerful demeanor changed into one of barely hidden fury.
"Mmm, petty revenge. That doesn't sound like you." Regoz remarked, accepting the glass the waitress gave him, slowly inhaling the sweet aroma of the finely aged wine.
"I learn from the best." She cackled.
"Right. The Queen has quite an influence on you."
"Like you and everyone else aren't calling me the princess already," She scoffed. "Anyway, I want to send Ulbert to one world to mess with that pantheon."
"Very well, let's see what you have in mind," Regoz replied as he took a small sip.
Artemel brought up a UI panel and began to execute her plan with one hand while digging into the food brought before her with ravenous hunger with the other.
X
Hiruma Sakutaro blinked his eyes and glanced around. Just a moment ago, he had been in Yggdrasil, waiting for the game's last moment with his friends, and now he was sitting atop a map surrounded by endless clouds.
In front of him sat an old man with an apologetic expression. Between them was a small table with two cups of tea, and there was an ancient TV to their right.
"I'm sorry to bring the bad news, but you are dead." The old man said, bowing his head.
"No shit. Couldn't wait ten more minutes to pull the plug." Hiruma retorted and reached into his pocket to find his smokes.
Even dying from lung cancer hadn't deterred him from indulging in smoking, much to the annoyance of people around him. Not finding them, he glanced down and noticed that he wasn't in his human body, but that of his game avatar.
'This guy! Could have told me he will send me down below.'
Ulbert let out a humorless chuckle. "So you dragged me here to tell me what a piece of shit I am before sending me down? Would have said it's nice to meet you, but not a fan of your work. It takes a rare type of prick to run down Earth to the level it was."
"Oh, nothing of sorts. And you didn't die from your ailment, but got electrocuted by the VR device on your head."
The old man coughed awkwardly.
"I hit the building with lightning by accident."
"Just great. But I have to give you credit for creativity. So what now? Showing me ten minutes of paradise before sending me where I belong?" Ulbert's voice grew darker, barely hidden hatred towards who he assumed was God.
"This is not heaven, but a realm of Gods far above it. You see, I brought you here and remade yourself personally to own up for the mistake. Even if your life was shortened by just an hour, I am still to blame. As for your life being so full of struggle; we Gods let mortal races make their own choices, even if it leads to the destruction of the world. Each soul learns from their mistakes with every reincarnation."
"I see. Absent daddy approach. So we humans fucked things up on our own. Speaking of fucking up, why am I my game avatar, not my old self?"
Instead of his human self, he now looked like a gray humanoid goat with wickedly curved golden horns. In place of the plain, familiar cheap clothes were a pitch-black suit and a luxurious velvet cape that moved around on its own.
"Those VR things are confusing for me. You rarely see civilizations reach that level of advancement. So in a hurry to fix my mistake, I grabbed the data at hand, which turned out to be your game avatar."
"Fucking great. How are you not fired from your position? Eh, who gives a fuck, I'm dead anyway! You don't happen to have any smokes on you?" Ulbert asked as he rummaged through his pockets, failing to find any.
The old man waved his hand and a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and an ashtray appeared in front of Ulbert.
He quickly lit one and after exhaling a large puff of smoke asked, "What now?"
"I will send you to another world to live your life how you see fit." The old man said.
"Like this?"
Ulbert spread his arms.
"Mmm, your current form might give you some difficulties. Although the world I plan to send you to has demihumans."
'Wait he doesn't know my game avatar was a demon, not a demi-human? I'd better keep my mouth shut.'
Ulbert took another long puff and waited for the old man to continue.
"I took a quick look at the game data I used as the base, and it seems there are artifacts that would help you blend in."
"Ok man, I trust you about as much as my farts during diarrhea right now. So no offense, but you could give me something to create Yggdrasil items I need to survive in whatever world you are sending me to."
"You are one rude young man, you know. Doesn't anyone tell you to respect your elders?" The old man grumbled, losing his patience with Ulbert.
"Respect is earned. But sure I can be all nice and proper." 'Better not piss him off too much. Might bite me in the ass.'
Ulbert stood up and bowed, taking off his tophat, "Ulbert Alain Odle at your service. A pleasure to make your acquaintance."
"I am the God of Worlds. It is nice to meet you as well." The old man responded with a smile. "But you are right, I could give you the ability to create objects from the game you played. We can consider this as an apology gift from me."
"Great. By the way how strong will I be there?" he asked the all-important question. Kicking the bucket more than once in rapid succession wasn't on his to-do list after all.
"I think way stronger than most. Your game stats were rather high, especially mana. In fact, there likely will be very few sentient creatures stronger than you. But I think it would be better to put data in some sort of device than directly in your mind. I would not want to overwhelm you."
"Sure. Just drop it all on my phone."
Ulbert grabbed at his pocket but quickly remembered that his Earthly belongings weren't with him.
"No worries. Here you go. And you don't have to worry about losing or breaking it. If lost, the device will return to you after a couple of minutes."
A simple smartphone, decked with a black cover and his personal crest, appeared in front of Ulbert.
Ulbert picked up the device and after a quick inspection through it, found out that besides all the old functions, there was a Yggdrasil app, which contained the description of all spells and items the game had.
"Mind if I give it a test?" Ulbert asked.
"Not at all. But I recommend you make one of those rings that can change your appearance," the God suggested.
Ulbert nodded in agreement, and with the search function found a doppelganger ring. Instinctively knowing how to make it, he poured mana into his palm as the object took its shape.
Once the ring had been created, he slid it on. With a sense that he could choose any appearance, he imagined himself as a very handsome man in his late twenties with dark brown eyes, Mephistopheles-style facial hair, and pitch-black short hair.
"Looks like you are all set. Off you go and try to not die again any time soon," God said, waving him off.
Before Ulbert could respond, he was gone from the presence of the God of the Worlds.
"It's done." God let out a tired sigh.
A moment later a young woman with long pink hair, adorned with golden hearts, sat in Ulbert's place. She was dressed in a golden tunic with a golden lining.
"How did it go?" She timidly asked.
"You should be more careful. When I said don't meddle in the affairs of that entity, I was serious," He replied in a quiet tone, as if afraid to be overheard.
"Come on, how could I have known there was someone above you?" The young Goddess frowned. "And it's not like one mortal in an abandoned world can do that much."
"It's not Ulbert I'm worried about. From now on, you will stay away from mortal affairs that are not your business," The God of Worlds declared sternly.
"But everyone can love. You'll have to be more specific."
"You will not go near worlds I forbid you to touch."
The Goddess of Love saluted with an overly serious expression and disappeared.
The God of Worlds shook his head. 'I hope this was enough to avoid her wrath.'
X
"Quite devious," Regoz remarked while looking at her handiwork, downing a cup of wine.
"I know right? He has no idea what he created. And the pink bitch will sooner or later make the mistake of messing with Ulbert," Artemel cackled evilly.
She shoved another large piece of pork in her mouth and tore at it like a starving wolf.
The job has only begun. It would not be long before the God of Worlds would realize what he had done, and what sort of creature he had created by remaking a simple mortal man into the walking catastrophe that was Ulbert Alain Odle. But by that point, it would be far too late.
Editing by aidan_lo
Proofreading by aidan_lo, nate051499j6, and Aurodium.
AN: Thank you for reading the story, and if you have caught up to the latest chapter, you can check out my other work or join my discord server (WmGKVU3XG2) where additional chapters are available or if you are interested in becoming a beta reader (gives access to chapters months ahead of regular readers).