Our Secret

Ang hirap pala kapag pakiramdam mo may mali kang ginagawa. Hindi ko na namamalayan ang nangyayari sa paligid. I was so focused keeping myself out of trouble. Sila na ang nagdecide kung anong movie ang papanoorin. Nakasunod lang kaming dalawa ni Rafael sa likod.

Huli na ng napansin kong horror pala ang palabas. Buti na lang sinanay na ako nila kuya. Nagulat ako ng makita ko sa gilid ng aking mata ang pagyakap ni Chase sa aking kaibigan. Halos wala na ding distansya ang kanilang mga mukha.

I gasped at what's happening. The horror! They didn't even hear me. They're lost in their own world. Hello? We're still here. Rafael and me.

"Dapat masanay ka na" sabay tango sa direksyon ng dalawa.

"Ganyan sila madalas. I know because I'm the official third wheel." paliwanag niya.

"I'm glad I have you." sabay ngiti sa akin. Don't be a flirt mister!

The movie was great. I enjoyed it. The thought of watching with a guy I barely knew makes me agitated. Tho kumalma naman ako nung medyo nagtagal na. Tahimik lang siyang katabi ko, not crossing any lines. Good thing Georgina and Chase can still be considered as behaved lovers.

Rafael lent me his jacket dahil nga malamig sa loob ng sinehan. I looked at Georgina and sighed when I saw that she is still okay dahil kasama niya si Chase - her own heater.

"What do you want to eat?" tanong ni Chase sa kaibigan ko. Oh please. Stop showing off.

"Lilliana?" baling ni Georgina. Tinignan ko siya ng masama.

Why do I have to decide? Well, since maaga pa naman and I still have an hour before I have to go, pumili na ako ng makakainan.

Okay. Sabi niyo e.

"Well, I want carbonara sana."

"Oh, you and your pasta." my all time food.

We chose the most hidden part in the resto. Bukod kasi sa hindi maingay dahil malayo sa iba, feeling ko may mali pa din kaming ginagawa. Look who's so guilty!

Napangangalahati ko na ang aking pagkain ng matakpan ako ng isang anino. I froze. Natigil din sa pagkain ang ibang kasama ko.

What are you doing here?

I looked up at him only to see his eyes filled with accusations.

"T-they're just my friends." paliwanag ko kaagad. It's like I'm caught red-handed. I blushed when I realize what I did. Napaghahalata ka Lilliana!

Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay. Mocking me for explaining before he even ask something.

"This is K-kuya Joaquin." I gritted my teeth. Ano ba ang problema nito?

"And they are?" mababang tanong niya. Agad akong nabalisa ng ipinatong niya ang kanyang kamay sa balikat ko. O tukso!

"GeorginaChaseRafael." mabilisang sabi ko. He smirked at my reaction. The nerve of this guy.

"Are you cold?" tanong niya ng makita ang jacket na suot ko. Nakalimutan ko ng suot ko pa pala ito. Hinubad ko ang jacket at ibinalik ito kay Rafael.

He pursed his lips. "Finish your food. Hihintayin kita sa labas." at masungit na umalis.

I closed my eyes, hoping na sila kuya na lang ang nakakita sa akin. At least I know how to deal with them. I sighed at the thought of him telling my dad. Patay talaga ako pag nagkataon.

Hindi ko na nalasahan ang pagkain ko. Still, I make sure na naubos ko pa din ito. Dad doesn't want us wasting food. Hindi tinatapon ang pera, sabi niya.

Not finishing your food doesn't make you classy. It's a wasteful behavior. You should get your money's worth. Lalo na at hindi naman basta-basta ang trabaho ni dad.

Tahimik lang kami ni Joaquin sa sasakyan. He has his own driver. I sit at the end of the other side. Malayo sa kaniya. Pero kahit ganoon, ramdam ko pa rin ang presensya niya. The whole car is filled with his scent. Feeling intoxicated, I leaned on the glass.

Can this car get any faster?

He's staring at me. Nararamdaman ko. Ng hindi ko na matiis ay tinitigan ko na din siya.

Those mesmerizing eyes are tinged with something that I can't pinpoint. Is it anger? Jealousy? Ipinilig ko ang ulo ko to rid myself of these thoughts. As if naman.

"Nakipag-date ka." his voice is full with distate.

"N-no!" he's studying my face.

"You're guilty Lily. You know it." sabi niya ng dahan-dahan.

"I don't even know Chase will be there with his friend." paliwanag ko.

"Who's Chase? The one who lent you his jacket?" umiling ako.

"That's Rafael."

"Rafael" he snorted. "You should have left nung malaman mo." I can see his lips more clearly up close. Bigla akong naging aware na lumapit na pala ako sa kaniya. I tried to move away from him pero pinigalan niya ako.

"B-but we didn't do anything!" pilit kong kinakalas ang kamay ko sa pagkakahawak niya. He's burning me, grasping my soul in the palm of his hands. I was left defenseless.

"Really? How about we tell your dad and let him be the judge?" paglapit niya sa mukha ko. My heart stopped for a bit. Umiling ako. Nagmamakaawang wag niyang sabihin, nagmamakaawang wag na siyang lumapit. Hindi ko na din sigurado kung alin ba sa dalawa.

"Did he even know na lumabas ka?" bulong niya sabay.

"I got his permission." my attention wavers as I saw his lips, moving like they're taunting me.

"To have a date?" he growled.

"I said it's not a date kuya!" I said in an outburst. Itinulak siya palayo, palayo sa huwisyo kong paubos na. Pinalis ko ang luhang tumulo sa sobrang pagkainis. He's dangerous. I better keep myself at a safe distance.

Nakita ko ang paniningkit ng mata niya. He ran his fingers on his hair. Bagay na ginagawa niya kapag frustrated.

"There should be no next time Lilliana." pagbabanta ni Joaquin. Imbes na matakot ay natuwa ako. I bite my lips to stop myself from smiling like a fool. Ang gandang pakinggan ng pangalan ko pag galing sa kaniya.

Can you call me like that again?

"Do you hear me?" saying my name? Yes Joaquin.

"Yes kuya."

Katahimikan ang bumalot sa aming dalawa. We're lost in our own thoughts.

"I'm not your kuya." bulong niya pero narinig ko pa din bago ako makababa ng sasakyan.

Ilang araw akong hindi mapakali ng dahil sa nangyari pero ng mapagtanto kong hindi naman sinabi ni Joaquin kahit kanino, napanatag na ako.

Malapit na naman pala ang summer lesson na activity dito sa campo. Pwedeng pumili ang mga dependents ng gusto nilang salihang kurso.

There are swimming, badminton and taekwondo lessons. May tatlong category sa mga ito - beginner, intermediate and advance. Madalas nasa advance lesson na kaming magkakapatid. Dad always make sure na nag-eexcel kami sa kahit anong gagawin namin.

Napatili si Georgina ng makita niya si diko. Katatapos lang kasing magswimming. He's wearing so little at kung hindi lang nakasabit ang tuwalya sa balikat ay baka inatake pa siya.

Nag-iwas sila ng tingin sa isa't isa. Halos matawa ako dahil ngayon ko lang nakitang napatahimik si Georgina ng ganito.

I cleared my throat to break the awkward atmosphere.

"Akala ko hindi ka na dadating e."

"I-i have something to do. Natapos ko na din agad." umalis si diko na parang walang nangyari.

I laughed at Georgina. She fans her face ng kami na lang dalawa. Namumula ang mukha at medyo pinagpapawisan pa ang bruha.

"Oh.my.God." she smirked. "Dito na lang ba ako titira?" biro niya.

I giggled at the thought of her seeing my brothers topless walking around the house. Kawawa naman ang mga kapatid ko pag nagkataon. Well, the truth is Georgina is just outspoken. Ang totoo, hindi niya kayang gawin iyon.

"So… how's the date? How's Rafael?" sinuway ko siya dahil medyo napalakas ang boses niya. Buti na lang wala dito si Ate Rosa, our maid.

"Lower your voice. Baka sino pa ang makarinig."

"Don't be such a scaredy cat" sinimangutan ko siya.

"Rafael says hindi mo binigay ang number mo." tumango ako.

"He told you?" I doubt it. He's not the type to spill. O baka hindi ko lang siya masyadong kilala.

"No. Chase looked through his phone. We tried calling your number. Di naman nakasave." so that's how it is.

"Why?" tanong niya.

"Well… we're not that close." she knows na iilan lang ang may alam ng number ko.

I stopped giving my number dahil kailangan mo pang magpalit kapag kung sinu-sino na ang nagtetext sayo. And dad hates it kapag pabagu-bago ng phone number.

'Ano ka, artista?' natatawa pa rin ako sa mga linya niya.

"How is it?"

"What?"

"Living here, with your dad and brothers" aniya. Tila iniinspeksiyon ang buong bahay. Nakarating na kami sa garden - one of my favorite place in this house.

"More than fine."

"Really?"

"Really!" nginitian ko siya.

"But you Severinos have so many rules." I giggled. Totoo naman. "You're okay with that?"

"Well… I guess. I don't really mind it. Nasanay na ako ng ganoon." ni hindi ko na napapansin ang mga ginagawa namin. Ganito na kami lumaki. We follow rules. To be better.

Ngumuso siya. Hindi kumbinsido at tila naaawa sa kalagayan ko.

"You love them."

"They're my family. What's not to love?" tugon ko. Inirapan lang ako ni Georgina sabay upo sa swing. Tanaw mo dito ang sunflowers at ang palubog na araw.

The sun at its finest. It reminds you of all your beautiful moments. It gives you that calmness you feel around your family. Sunset, this is what I love, my favorite time, favorite color.

"Don't you feel like… an outcast?" natigil ako. Napatitig sa kaniya.

"Dad loves me. He loves me more than my brothers." that's how it feels to me. Napaisip ako sa tanong niya.

"I can do what they can. I can shoot, drive, do sports and whatever they do." sumang-ayon naman si Georgina.

"I am different because I'm a woman but that doesn't have any weight to dad. As much as possible, dad gives me the same opportunity that my brothers have enjoyed."

Yes, I am different.