Days After 18 Through 35 - David

18.

I dug out her diary.

19.

It turns out I was her first love.

20.

It turns out that she wanted to grow old with me.

21.

I opened Facebook, scrolled around, and finally couldn't help but tap open New Friends. There was a message from her.

–Please, I don't have the intention to disturb you. I just want to see you.

–David, I won't disturb you.

–Please, if I miss you, what should I do?

–I miss you so much. Can you talk to me

–David, it hurts so bad

–Did you delete me because you didn't want to see me? I'm begging you, don't be like this

–I'm sorry, I should have cherished you when you loved me

I haven't seen any of these messages back then.

Right now, seeing these one by one, I feel as if I'm being dragged into hell by someone, as if someone is digging into my heart.

Why was I so willing to treat her like this?

Why was I so willing to bully her like this?

22.

Today, I received a package at home. It was sent from the hospital. It was full of painkillers. I dialed the phone on the package. A male doctor answered the phone.

I said I'm Tara's family member. He was silent for two seconds and asked, "… Something happened to her?"

I looked at the rosewood urn and said softly, "Mn, Doctor, I received the medicine you sent me."

He was silent for a long time before he said, "Since she's gone, just send them back. It's no use keeping them anyway."

I counted the medicine bottles in the courier box. One, two, three, four. Seven, eight, nine. Ten bottles.

A lot of painkillers.

My Tara, exactly how much pain was she in?

23.

What was I thinking when she said she was listless?

It's a little hard to remember.

I have always been feeling dizzy recently. I also haven't gone to work. I sit at home and read her diary over and over again. Her love was introverted, but rich.

Only me, who regarded the jade as a pebble and did not know its value.

24.

I found her phone, it was already dead. I found a charger and charged it. I went to the kitchen and made a bowl of egg-fried rice.

She likes to eat egg-fried rice and likes bullying me with egg-fried rice.

Every time after a quarrel, she would cook egg-fried rice. She would be happy to see me unhappy. Before, when I saw her like this, I just wanted to drag her onto the bed and fiercely teach her a lesson.

All that is impossible now...

25.

I opened her phone and opened her Facebook.

I saw that she sent me many messages, but each one was preceded by a red exclamation mark. The system reminded him tirelessly that messages couldn't be sent as the account was blocked, but she still sent them tirelessly.

"Today, I thought about the crab roe tofu shop at the school gate. I have already been unable to get up for two days. I'm craving it so bad. If you receive this message, buy me some, I'm so hungry."

"It's so weird. I would gain a little bit of strength if I thought of sending you a message, but I just don't have any strength to get out of bed. Will I become a ghost who died of hunger? Haha [sad]"

"Today, I fertilized Tara's tree, but it's still not as tall as me. I wonder if I can wait until it's taller than me before I die. I'm looking forward to it a little."

"Rocket League updated again. Apparently it's some kind of holiday today. They gifted an ugly profile frame. Ah, it's so ugly. Today, I miss you again. It's raining. I don't know whether you brought an umbrella."

"I went to see a psychiatrist today. It was so embarrassing. The doctor said that I was out of control, but I don't feel it. On the way back, I went to Doctor Li's and stole a pot of tea leaves. If you were here, I would've given you a share. It's a pity that you weren't here [twirls] then it's all mine."

There were too many. I couldn't bear to read it all at once.

I only slid to the last message.

I saw her say, "I looked at Facebook. It's my fault. I'm sorry. I won't bother you anymore. I'm sorry, David. I didn't know I was so unlikable. I'll change in the future. Even if I can't change it, I won't bother you after I die. Haha! [happy]"

26.

I want to ask the doctor whether I can use those painkillers.

27.

She called me so many times and sent me so many messages.

I blocked her and didn't want to receive any of them. Now, looking at the messages she didn't succeed in sending and the calls that didn't go through, my heart hurts as if it cracked apart. I don't understand why I did this to her, how I could do this to her.

How much pain must she be in?

She was so ill that she was about to die, how could I stab her?

28.

It thundered.

I wonder if she's afraid.

She used to be afraid of the thunder the most. She would nest in my arms every time. She would whine, "Immortals overcoming tribulations are so scary."

"Nonsense."

She laughs every time I say that.

I haven't seen her laugh for a long time.

29.

When we were still in school, she always ranked first in the examinations and had an entitled personality. Her classmates didn't like her. Only me, who fell in love with her at first sight, clung to her. After clinging to her for some time, she easily became soft-hearted. She said it's okay to kiss, but I should pass the college entrance exam first.

Kiss.

Later, we went abroad to get married. She happily bought 100 lbs of wedding candies and distributed them all around the company. In the end, she came home and complained to me that the cost was a little high. Suggesting, why don't we eat egg-fried rice every day in the future?

I kissed her, she immediately shut her mouth.

30.

I found her will.

She is a fool who turned stupid from studying too much. Her will was written like an essay. She even had a first draft and a second draft. The second draft hasn't been completed yet.

I read it once. It was a little funny.

When I read it again, I cried.

31.

I miss her too much.

32.

I do love her, but I didn't treat her well.

However, there's nothing I can do. My Tara has disappeared, she doesn't want me anymore.

33.

I used her phone to friend myself.

I sent her an "I love you".

And another, "Wait for me."

34.

First draft of will–

Wishing David happiness.

Second draft of will–

Wishing David happiness, wishing myself…

I haven't figured it out yet. I'll decide when I'm dead.

35.

–Wishing for you to wait for me to love you again.

(End)