Love secretly

Happy reading

 Sometimes in a relationship, we don't need to ask where it's going because love will always find its own way.

 "Have you heard from your husband yet?"  asked Ryo suddenly in between our chat.

 "Not yet," I answered simply.

 "Often like this?"  Ryo asked again.

 "Hem.. Yes, you could say that. Lazy to actually discuss this again."

 "You didn't try to call him first?"  I looked out the car window.

 "Hmm… can you not? Let's not talk about that first."  I answered slowly.

 "I'm sorry," said Ryo in an apologetic tone.  For a moment we were lost in each other's thoughts.  Ed Sharen's perfect song playing from the mp3 player seemed to be a barrier between our silence.  An awkward atmosphere is inevitable.

 Not angry or offended at Ryo's question just now.  However, I just don't want my mood to drop just because of discussing something hurtful.  I might lose concentration when performing later.  The frequent ringing of the phone from Ryo's device made us flinch.  Immediately his left hand grabbed the flat object, while the other hand was still focused on holding the steering wheel.

 "Yes, Bro?"  said Ryo in the voice on the other end of the phone.  "Me and Rara otw. About ten minutes to go," he continued and ended the call.

 "Who?"  I asked curiously.

 "Sakti. They got there first."  I just nodded and was oh ria.

 Arriving at the Nirwana cafe, Ryo and I immediately approached Sakti and the other friends who had been waiting for a long time.  Then, without wasting time we rushed to meet the cafe management.  The songs composed by Ryo, we performed perfectly.  However, there are several works belonging to well-known bands that we cover with slight modifications.  We don't want to waste this opportunity.  The news I heard, this cafe is very selective in choosing bands for regular performers.

 Luckily, the performance and concept that we presented received a positive response from them.  No doubt, we also entered into a work contract agreement and held a technical meeting on the same day.  It seems that the audition process is only a formality because they are already interested in our band.  Jingga was already starting to show his face when we left the Nirvana cafe which from tomorrow will be where we work.  We agreed to celebrate this success with a party.  As a result, a seafood restaurant located in Bandar Jakarta became our choice.

I had misinterpreted the word party.  I thought they would go to entertainment places like nightclubs or karaoke while sipping liquor.  However, it seems I misjudged them.  It's true the saying don't judge by book by the cover.'

 ***

 As the day went on, Ryo and I became more and more intense.  Although until now there has been no expression of love spoken between the two of us.  This feeling grows through the attitude and care we show to one another.  I don't know what kind of relationship we are in.  On the one hand, I miss Reno, but on the other hand, being with Ryo gives it its own meaning.  Instantly guilt haunts because now it seems I have betrayed.  However, I am still a wife.

 However, the urge to be with Ryo was strong.  This time I gave up, unable to hold back all the turmoil in my heart.  Millions of images of him flooded my mind to overflowing without being able to stop it.  Even if I drill deeper into the soil and open a gap to absorb it.  Something in him left me at a loss for words.  The warmth is so strong that it can burn a soul that has been frozen for a long time.

 "If he really doesn't come back to you, will you be with me?"  Ryo asked then.

 Instantly I turned to him.  Examining the look on his face, to see if there is a joke hidden.  However, all I found was sincerity in the brown eyes that were staring at me intently.  The expression on his face didn't show that he was joking at the moment.  For a moment our netra were adrift, exploring each other's feelings.

 "I don't know .. ," I sighed as I looked away in another direction.  Really, don't know what to give to Ryo's question just now.  My status as someone's wife makes me nervous.  If I say 'yes' I feel bad for Reno.  Even though it's actually his attitude and behavior that makes his heart tired and empty, it seems as if he gives room to other people to fill it.

 But if you say 'no' it is tantamount to lying to yourself.  Honestly, on the other hand, I'm already comfortable with Ryo.  The more we got to know each other, the more I wanted him.  The sense of belonging is so great.  Maybe he felt the same way.  Something that is invisible, but feels so clear, is called love.  Which makes some people think without logic and act out of control.

 Falling in love is not wrong, as long as you know who you drop it on.  However, unfortunately we can not control the direction of the heart.  We know this feeling is wrong.  Love each other hiding behind my own husband and no one knows.  Build a sense of the relationship that has been fragile before and is on the brink.  We shouldn't have done this and should have held back a little bit.  Unfortunately, Ryo and I were carried away by the melodies that tinkled in our hearts by accident.  The beautiful melodies made us get lost in the mellow rhythm.  I don't know since when.

 ***

 My memory still floats on that night with Ryo.  On the roof of the hotel on the twenty-first floor, there is a classic yet elegant cafe.  The lights of the passing vehicles glowed like fireflies from up there.

"Please don't ask me questions that I can't answer," I looked up blankly at the beautiful star-studded night sky.  While the man beside me didn't make a sound, only glanced briefly then followed my gaze.  Silence.

 "Just let it be like this first, Yo! Let everything flow and run as it should. Sorry, I don't mean to be selfish. It's just.. I don't dare to promise anything that I don't even know what it will end up like," I continued with the crystals that started  felt in the eyelids.

 He sighed softly, "Sorry.." he said slowly as if regretting the question addressed to me.

 "Nothing's wrong, Yo," I turned to him with the curve of my lips pulled up.  "Just the timing wasn't right."

 "Why are you still stuck in a marriage like that?"

 "Like what?"  Actually I know what Ryo meant.

 "Yes.. As you said."

 "You don't understand a wife's feelings."

 "Maybe I don't understand, but what I do know is that marriage is not like that. It should be fighting for each other. Not just one who struggles alone and hurts himself."  The man's jaw tightened as his eyes stared at me intently.  Without feeling the warm grains slid from the corners of my eyes and I immediately wiped the gauze.  I looked back at him.

 "Yo… when a woman has loved and surrendered herself to a man, it won't be that easy to let go even if her heart is tired."

 "You still love him?"  Ryo asked in a heavy tone.  I was silent for a moment.

 "Marriage is not only about love. There are many reasons in it. It's not just about two people, but involves many parties, namely family."  I took a deep breath to pause the words.

 "Besides, I'm a woman. It definitely won't be easy to deal with divorce and slanted talk out there. Also… being a widow.* I lowered my voice at the last sentence as I lowered my head.

 "So that's the reason?"  Ryo laughed sadly while shaking his head.  Maybe you don't understand my answer, but that's what it is.  "You'd rather put up with a painful marriage than a widow. How naive."

 He exhaled roughly, then said again, "This is not a soap opera Ra. You deserve to be happy."

 "If I still wish I could be with him. Am I stupid, Yo?"  I asked, looking far ahead.

 "No. Stupid. If you're still hanging out with someone who doesn't want you anymore."

 "Love can make people stupid sometimes, right? For example me."  I laugh at myself.  Tasteless.

 "I'm one of them too."  Instantly I turned to him. "Want someone who still belongs to someone else. " I want to say the same thing, that I want it too.  Very.  However, I don't want to say it because I'm ashamed and know myself.  I don't want to just give him false hope.  For a moment, our netra adrift.  Busy with their own thoughts.  Suddenly, Ryo's hand grabbed my fingers watching and gently caressed it.

 Continued