13 The Lucky Bastard
A.N. No more daily updates as I've just been given anew assignment to complete in exactly a week's time. So no chapter tomorrow.
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"I stink really bad." Steve said as he unequipped his armour to reveal his sweat soaked clothes.
It turned out to still be good exercise when carrying tons of weight of armour and weapons on a brisk trek through an area of the dungeon that didn't have the best oxygen and you were fighting monsters all day. It didn't necessarily mean fatigue but you were still giving off a lot of body heat and secreting body fluids that built up over time and made you smell.
"Unfortunately there are not many opportunities to have a bath down here in the dungeon." Riveria said, shaking her head. "Especially in these parts of the dungeon. I estimate the next time we'll find a water source is when we reach the safety point on the 50th floor."
"Doesn't mean I have to live with it." Steve muttered. "I hate smelling bad."
"Get used to it lad." Gareth chuckled. "Whenever we get back from expedition, its straight through to the showers for us before anything else. That elf over there made it a 'punishable offence' to still be caught smelling like crap when you're home." He said gesturing to Riveria.
"There is no excuse to not take a shower when we are home." Riveria said. "If you don't then that just makes you filthy and unkempt...a concept I'm sure you dwarves are all too familiar with."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Gareth challenged.
"Only that you seem to favour scratching around in the dirt for cold metal and worthless stones instead of cleaning yourselves on a regular basis." Riveria sniffed.
"And you elves are so narrow minded and stuck in your ways that none of the other races like you as a whole." Gareth grunted.
Steve leaned over to Finn.
"Uh, you wanna explain this casual implicit racism bout going on here?"
"Don't mind them." Finn sighed. "They're not being malicious. It's just a common fact that out of all other races, dwarves and elves detest each other the most."
"Any particular reason?"
"You know, that is an age old question." Finn shrugged. "At this point we've come to accept it as a natural thing, like animosity between cat and mouse. Nobody really knows the answer. Maybe there was a reason but so much time has passed that it's simply been forgotten."
"...At least Tolkien offered a historical reason why." Steve muttered.
"What?"
"Don't mind me."
'But then again, almost everything to do with high fantasy fictions these days were inspired by Tolkien's works.' Steve thought. 'Actually, now that I think about it, a lot of common things you find in isekai and fantasy anime are pretty much copied from his books. Mithril, a common fantasy metal, was inspired and 'invented' by him. The natural rivalry between elves and dwarves, that was also him. And I swear at one point people were referring to Pallums as Hobbits but changed the name back so they wouldn't get copy-righted.'
Plagiarists really were unoriginal weren't they?
Like J.K Rowling. Everyone accredited her with Harry Potter's success (obviously because she was the author) but it shared suspicious similarities with an even older series called 'The Worst Witch' by another author. Obviously because old Joanne was the bigger and more famous author, this little observation was glanced over.
'What was so good about the movies anyway? I hated the speccy little twat!'
Steve grunted before his BO hit him in the face and he sulked again. In the time he'd been here, he'd come to realise how hard life could be. All the mods he had by which he could access the internet through the game had been removed. He still had technology mods like holograms and computers and nukes (yes, Tsar Bomba is in the house baby) and whatnot. Perhaps internet was also one of the things that just couldn't exist in a fantasy world. He really wondered if he could reach that 'Nekros' somehow and make an appeal.
Because in terms of entertainment, this world sucked. He found large gaps in his day that he would usually spend surfing the net, but now had to fill with either sleep, book reading, (recently flirting with Tiona which was actually one of the things he enjoyed because she could give as much as she could take), or he would be playing around with his powers and inspecting with his ever growing menu.
He pulled it up again and inspected the spawn egg menu so that he could zero in on a few specific additions. He'd been reviewing his notes that he'd made on the 'Prisma Guardian' he'd accidentally created using the dungeon in the Water Temple and drawing up a sketch of it, just in case he would be forced to submit a report of his own to the guild. Because after all, those adventurers had seen him, and who else in Orario had glowing purple armour? They'd be sure to mention him to the authorities and he would have to give his own side of the story.
While examining all that, it reminded him of the crafting menu additions that the fragment of Udaeus's sword had also given to his GUI. So he'd typed the monster's name in the search bar and he was greeted with THREE DIFFERENT SPAWN EGGS THAT HAD THE THING'S NAME ON IT!
Obviously he was perplexed so he jumped over to his spawn egg menu to see what the hell was going on, and he found that there were new spawn eggs for ALL the different monsters that he'd killed in the dungeon. But not only that, there were eggs for him to spawn in RED IRREGULAR and BLACK VARIANTS of those same monsters INCLUDING the MONSTER REXES.
THE MONSTER REXES!
Goliath, Amphisbaena, Udaeus and all the other new monsters he'd slaughtered in the dungeon were now available for him to spawn in at any time, any place and all it would take was a mental click of a button, and a simple egg toss to realize these abominations. This included the new Prisma Guardian that the dungeon had created.
He truly had the most unfair, the most broken, the most overpowered, the most cheating, most bastard system EVER! That's what he was!
He was a BASTARD CHEATING MINECRAFTER in Orario.
If he were to ever write a story about this new life of his, he would probably parody it off of that funny anime called 'Akashic Records of Bastard Magic Instructor'.
Except he would probably call his story 'Orario Records of Bastard Cheating Minecrafter'.
...
Or something along the lines of that. Yes, he was aware that he was just lambasting plagiarists earlier but it was surely a fitting name for this situation?
Because surely he would stamp his name on this age too as well as Bell Cranel and he would have his own piece in Orario's history. He was content being the background character, letting Bell reclaim his title of Hero. He was after all the reincarnation of Argonaut, the First Hero. It was well within his rights that he took the spotlight again as the Last Hero.
Damn, the delicious irony of that thought. If he had been reincarnated as Bell like he'd seen in some fictions, he'd probably be standing on that mountain top he landed on when he came to this world, looking out over Orario and shouting to the heavens
"I am the First, I am the Last. The ALPHA, and the OMEGA."
Or something blasphemously cringey like that. But it would fit so well as Bell was the grandson and the last living 'descendant' of Zeus, the chief of the Greek Pantheon and those last two words were Greek terms or letters, he couldn't remember what exactly. But it would be the best plot ever! It WAS the best plot ever because it was happening now!
Except...you know...Bell was not shouting cringey ass lines like that...even though his daydreams and his motivations were a bit childish and cringey...but hey, you had to admire a person when they're that dedicated to their ideals.
He was the exact same except that instead of going out of his way to be exceptionally righteous, he was cheating his way to power, trampling over powerful monsters and adventurers alike, creating even more dangerous monsters in the dungeon (yes, he was planning to create some more 'specific' ones) and overall planning to use his gifts to generate profit instead of helping everyone. Even now he was planning to use that dagger he enchanted for Finn as a means to wrench a favour out of him since the Pallum was insisting on some form of compensation. He was just waiting until they reached the surface though.
...Hmmm, that ROB did say he was free to do as he pleased.
He was quite damn sure that with some of his mods, if his raw power wasn't sufficient enough, he could easily thrash that one eyed dragon bastard. Maybe he should be looking into making himself some sort of final boss for the albino protagonist? Just for the sake of it, you know? It wasn't like he would actually die since he had a lot of stuff to use as safety precautions
Options, options...too, too many to choose from...
Right now he was focused on creating a business separate from Ptah's freak gallery of statues, so he could generate income to make the Familia grow, and entice more people to join. Already he was cataloguing some of his items and deciding which could not be put on the market and what could not be. He was also looking into business partners he could potentially invite for specific stuff using his knowledge of the anime.
Like the Miach Familia for example. They were dirt poor from what he could remember but perhaps he could invite the two to join him in business and share his potion recipes for them to make exclusively. Although how was he going to pull that off since it blaze rods didn't exist in the dungeon?
.
.
.
...or did they not?
Immediately Steve made a mental note of introducing Blazes to the Dungeon as well.
But it still wouldn't explain his knowledge of the recipes though. How was he going to rationalise the other ingredients that didn't exist? Or maybe he could just open a nether portal and make adventurers roam it so that they could collect the ingredients and they'd get paid for it or he could give them discounts to special armour and weapons.
But then how the flying f*** was he going to explain the portal?
Ugh, damn was entrepreneurship hard! You'd think you'd escape these real world problems by getting isekai'd but noooo...
Of course he could just create endless supplies from his Creative menu but questions would still be asked when he had to do his tax returns. Or he could just live without money but what if Ptah wanted to take on more children? They had to be funded too. Of course they could just do it from exploration but exploration based Familia rarely ever did well for themselves. Even the Loki Familia whom he was with always lost money despite how incredibly rich and powerful they were. A lot of them were tens of millions of Valis in debt.
Familia had to be specialists in things. The Hephaestus Familia were good at smithing, Demeter were farmers that supplied the city with crops, Dian Cecht did potion work, Hermes did information gathering and they were brokers on top of that. The Ganesha Familia were tamers and entertainers, as well as the police force in the Labyrinth City.
And then of course you had the Ishtar Familia who engaged in their own kind of 'business'. God forbid he ever went to such a plague ridden place with needs.
He planned to be...an amalgamation of all the stuff above (NOT THE LAST ONE!) and if Ptah insisted, maybe he could sell the statues to...cultists or morbid fanatics or something. There was always one of those creepy, emo bastards out there somewhere that would like those horrific stone depictions.
Maybe if he took a gander at it, perhaps he'd find one such customer hanging off one of those trees over there...
And now he was telling himself some effed up jokes in his head.
The point was, he wanted to cover the true nature of his powers from anybody while at the same time revealing slowly, bit by bit, the many wonders he had to offer. But finding a way to begin always seemed to be the hardest part.
And even if he wanted to make the Ptah Familia solely exploration based like the Freya and Loki Familia, it would be decades before anybody else got to the level he was at now. It literally took some people decades. By the time they became first class adventurers, they would be middle aged even if they started off as kids. And he'd probably be several levels above what he was now by then, maybe even retired from adventuring because he'd gotten bored.
Ugh, this was not the time to think about those things. Especially when he smelt as bad as he did. Damn if he would build a bloody bath if it meant he could take a wash, he would!
He suddenly paused as he realized something and then slapped his face in frustration.
"Are you okay Steve?" Finn asked, looking at him like he'd gone crazy.
"I'm going to have a bath!" His announcement caught the keen attention of many women in the area who also desired the same, quite desperately.
"But there's no water supply here." Riveria said.
"Just try me." He said as he pulled another thing out of his hotbar. A glowing purple pickaxe appeared in his hands. "If you don't have one, then f***ing make one!"
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All the Loki Familia stood by and gaped as another perfect 1 meter squared cube of rock joined a large pile of rock cubes of the same size, flung out of the massive rectangular basin that had just been dug in the floor some ways away from camp.
They all gathered around the edge, vanguard, second stringers, mages, supporter and carriers altogether as they watched this mad spectacle as at the bottom of the basin, Steve used the pickaxe to just tap the rock and the same cubes would be torn out, placed in his hand and then flung over his shoulder outside. He'd picked out tons of it by now.
"What kind of sorcery is this!?" Riveria called to him.
"Earthen one if you'd like to think of it!" Steve said back without even looking at her as he was concentrated on his work. "I don't care at this point. I just want a damn bath!"
"I get that you're making a basin." Raul said. "But what Miss Riveria said still stands. There is no water source to draw an amount of water this large.
"You want to bet on it pretty boy!" Steve said aggressively whirled around and stared at him challengingly.
"N-no."
"Then shut your mouth and watch me."
A habit Steve had always had was that he couldn't go a day without a bath. Bad smells and dirt freaked him out and if he didn't at least have a small rinse everyday, he went loopy. Four entire days now he'd gone without a bath while constantly being sprayed by monster blood and guts and he couldn't take a bath. He could've done it in the 18th floor but it hadn't crossed his mind. He could have done it in the Water Palace but they were monster infested and he didn't want to run the risk of some fish monster biting his bollocks off. He was done with it!
The Loki Familia watched as they saw him do what appeared to be Earth magic as he conjured cubes of strange red rock in his hands. Which was actually Netherrack but they did not know that. The reason Steve chose this was because it was a block that perpetually burned when lit on fire. He lined the bottom of the basin with Netherrack and before their eyes, lit it all on fire, making them feel the heat as the light hit their eyes.
He then built over the lit fires a layer of smooth stone slabs, and then from the basin, dug outwards a little more at an angle which made the Loki Familia step back a bit as he mined it out, placed some stairs in to climb down in the basin. He then built a seating area using smooth stones slabs around the edge which would leave the feet of bathers dangling so they didn't touch the bottom of the basin and burn their feet from the heated blocks.
He climbed out and proudly looked over his work.
"How does it look?" He asked.
The Loki Familia looked between each other, unsure of what to say. This giant bathtub had just been built into the floor by Steve and decorated aesthetically as well in just a matter of minutes whereas it would take normal people days, weeks perhaps to accomplish this. On top of that, he had built a heating unit underneath which even now they could feel the heat of as the surrounding area became warm.
The craziness of this situation almost matched his incredible feats of strength earlier...and the mad glint in his eyes was not helping at all.
"Well...it's nice." Tiona said.
"But there's still no water." Ais followed up.
"Well let me introduce you to a special item of mine!" Steve said as from nowhere he pulled out a ...bucket? Filled with water? "I call it the infinite bucket of water!"
"...Have you gon-" Tione was cut off as he whipped his head around to a few girls that were standing by the edge, holding stuff in their hands.
"Throw it in!" He ordered and the girls hesitantly threw in special smelling herbs that they would wet and then rub themselves with to keep the bad smells off and make the adventure more bearable.
Steve then kicked the bucket over and the Loki Familia were introduced to another miracle as they saw WAY more water than should be possible just spill out of the bucket like a fountain and begin filling the basin to the brim.
(Sadly there was no bucket clutching for Steve in this world but that was okay since he didn't believe he would need it anymore. Water ran in this world just like normal physics. Lava too.)
Even as the water was pouring, it was beginning to heat up and when it eventually did rise to the top, the basin was filled with bubbling water, and a sweet smell permeated the air.
"WHAT IS WITH THAT BUCKET?!" Bete shouted.
"I told you, pretty much infinite water." Steve said as he picked it up.
"H-How, on Earth, did you come by a magic item like that?" Finn said, in a half interrogative voice.
"I made it."
""YOU MADE IT?!!!" Came everybody's response.
"Yep. Trade secret though, so don't question it. Instead, just enjoy the bath."
Some people began to advance towards this luxury when Steve suddenly shouted at them to get back. When questioned why, he answered.
"You think I'm going to be swimming in there while your grime is floating around in it? Go away somewhere and start scrubbing! And don't come back until you're squeaky clean. Use your water supplies...I'll refill them later with my bucket."
Unknowingly he was using his {Leader} skill to force them to obey him and so they trudged off to scrub themselves clean.
"What about you?" Tione asked.
"I'm staying here and doing it. Of course, I'll be the one to get in first." He said.
Somewhere amongst the leaving adventurers, he heard a girl say aloud. "Hasn't he heard of 'Ladies First'?"
He wheeled around in fury. "MY BATH, MY PREROGATIVES! I BUILT IT, SO I GET TO SAY WHO ENTERS AND WHO DOESN'T. AND YOU CAN GO IN IT LAST! YES, YOU WITH THE PIGTAILS. I SEE YOU! I'LL REMEMBER YOUR FACE."
"Maybe you should stop shouting Steve." Finn reasoned. "I get that you've worked hard for this but the bath won't do you much good if you're angry you know."
Steve looked at him.
"I yearn for true gender equality. I have no patience for one who talks about female privilege when it suits them, and then complains about someone "not being a man" when it's convenient!"
He said. He was still using his {Leader} skill, so his words were broadcasted to all of camp.
"So go scrub your asses and THEN comeback, so we can have a pleasant evening before we have to go back on the road tomorrow morning."
"Yes, sir." Some of them said as they went to do his bidding.
Steve stripped himself when they were gone and began angrily scrubbing himself while muttering in annoyance. On the side, Bathsheba was doing the wolf version of laughing as she laughed at his expense.
Eventually he sank into the hot water, and sat at the edge against a resting place and sighed in pleasure as the water engulfed him up to his neck. The sweet smell of the herbs invaded his senses and he very nearly fell asleep from the pleasure of the experience.
Shortly afterwards he heard consecutive splashes of water as he to his surprise found the laughter and moans of women reaching his ears. Quickly opening his eyes, he found that his bath had been filled with women, mostly Amazons for that matter who didn't give a damn for his presence or him being there.
"The hell?!" He exclaimed.
"We didn't cheat, we promise." Came a voice to his right and he looked to see the twins, in their birthday suits, not even fully submerged without a care in the world.
"So what did you do?" He asked.
"Well we were deciding on who should enter the bath first." Tiona said. "Finn and Gareth decided that if we were fine with it, then we could join you first and they'd have their bath afterwards. But suspiciously, all the boys agreed too eagerly."
"And?"
"So we had a trusted confidant sneak up on them while they were in their tents." Tione said. "Turned out they agreed so they could sneak up on us later and peep."
"And what did you do?"
" They tied them to the trees and then came here." A voice answered from his left and he looked to see Ais fully submerged to on his left side, a little flush on her cheeks and she didn't make direct eye contact with him.
"...I can understand the Amazons, but why you Ais?" He asked flatly. What he was referring to did not need to be stated.
"...Because you're not like them." She answered.
"That is a very poor reason." He said looking away from her and settling back into his comfortable position. "I can understand the lack of modesty from Amazons but I didn't expect it from you. I'm glad you trust me though, but how do you know I'm not being lecherous right now?"
"Well you haven't been gawking at us like the other boys would do." Tiona answered. "You've maintained eye contact with us the whole time."
"But I already have."
"Huh? You have?!" Tione said. "When?"
"Remember ladies, I can move at speeds you can't even perceive. Running my eyes all over you fast enough so that you don't notice is no big task for me either." He gave the twins a side-eye. "I'm a red blooded male you know, with my fertility still climbing. And if I didn't make it clear the other night, I am a passionate lover of women."
...
"Well I can't say that I mind if it's you." Tiona said as she gave him her signature mischievous grin. "As long as you find me pleasing. Is that so?"
"Very much." He answered. "Rule 34 does not even compare."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"You know you say some very strange things sometimes." Ais said. "What do they mean?"
"Just ramblings of a bastard like me." He looked back at her. "I'd say it's even more strange that you barely talk to me at all but just stare at me all the time." Ais flushed a little deeper. "I see you, you know. Don't think I don't notice."
"Well she can't help but stare at you." Tiona said as she leaned into him and trailed a few fingers over his diamond-hard ten pack. "After all, you're quite a sight to see as well."
Steve smiled before grabbing her hand and removing it from his stomach while tutting and booping her nose like she was a child.
"One step at a time girl. We haven't even gone on our date yet."
Tione pouted and folded her arms. "Alright. No touching...yet."
"Urgh." Tione groaned. "You two are always at it. You only met a few days ago!"
"Just playful banter sis." Tiona said as she stuck her tongue out at her older sister. "You're jus jealous you haven't gotten anywhere with the Captain. I've gotten further with Steve in 3 days than you have in the last five years you've been trying to woo the Captain."
"WHY YOU-"
"Settle down." Steve said in a commanding voice, purposefully using the skill now that he'd realized its presence.
Tione unwittingly obeyed and sat back in the water. After a few moments, Ais spoke again.
"Stephen." Ais said.
"Hm?"
"Was...was Udaeus...strong?"
"He's one of the most feared monster rexes Ais. I'm pretty sure he is."
Ais leaned closer to him.
"But was he strong, for you?"
Steve opened one eye and looked at her. "If you want my honest opinion, he was a disappointment. He couldn't even move me from my position. I thought he would at least damage me a bit when he hit me but it was like fighting a baby. My only hope now to find my match is perhaps Balor but based off the trajectory I'm seeing, even that guy may not be so much." He paused for a moment. "What is the point of this Ais? I have a feeling I know what it is you want to say, but let's just hear it outright."
Ais sat straight with a determined look on her face, ready to not back down on this until he gave in to her demand.
"I want to fight you."
---
Elsewhere some men tied down by ropes on tree branches and some stuffed into crates cried in jealousy as they cursed Steve for being a lucky bastard.
Well, that was the point of it all.
Steve. Was. A. Bastard.
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