9 Chapter nine

Kamaria's POV

I was sleeping when I felt something heavy on my waist, my eyes were still closed, I lifted my hand trying to remove the pressure but it tightened around my waist , I opened my eyes afraid of what it was and I saw an arm, I turned my head and saw James face a few centimeters away from my neck then I remembered what happened yesterday and a smile crept to my lips, OMG we kissed, I was screaming inside because I was nervous but happy at the same time, I was never this close to a guy so yes that was my real first kiss.

I tried to move his hand so I could go to the bathroom but he was tightening his grip on my waist, after a while I became frustrated,

" James I need to pee!" I said still trying to remove his hand but he only groaned weakly,

it was funny seeing him all cute and grumbling, I started giggling and I saw him frowning and he finally opened his eyes, he was staring at me long and hard,

" James stop staring at me and let me go I need to pee!" I said pushing his hands off of me,

" uughh fine but can you come back here we need to talk" he said seriously staring at the ceiling,

"Ok I'll be back in a sec!" The way he said "we need to talk" made me a bit anxious, I went to my bathroom and did my morning routine, twenty minutes later I was done and went to my closet to change and wore a two piece red set.

I felt satisfied with my outfit and I tied my braids in a bun.

I walked to James room and he was already sitting on his bed waiting for me, he was wearing a white wife beater and sweat pants, I went over to him and sat next to him,

" ok so... What do you want to talk about?" I said nervously,

" Yeah right first of all about the kiss, I... I don't regret it at all but it was wrong of me doing that because it felt like I took advantage of your situation so I'm sorry about that, then I need you to please tell me why you always have panic attacks after you have nightmares, you know it's not normal for someone to have panic attacks after a nightmare, I feel like it is more than just nightmares" he said trying to understand my situation,

I signed, I never told anyone expect kalisha about my past and it scares me just thinking of it,

"James about the kiss it's ok I'm happy I did it and I'm not regretting it at all, about my nightmares it's just something I never want to talk about ok, I can handle it or trying to,

" did it? You never kissed someone before have you?" He said smirking with a curious expression on his face,

I turned my face to the other side blushing from embarrassment,

" Yeah" I said barely audible and I bit my lip trying to suppress my smile, I got up because I felt uncomfortable,

" so what did you do yesterday?" I said changing the subject,

"I went to handle somethings"he said laughing a little,

I went over to him and held his hand that was a bit swollen and purple,

"James did you even treat it?" I asked frowning,

"I just used a disinfectant on it" he said shrugging,

I was curious to know where he went yesterday but it's none of my business so i let it slide, I dragged him to his bathroom and let him sit on the edge of the bathtub and I went to my room to get the aid kit that was in one of the drawers, I went back to his bathroom and stood in between his legs and started treating his wounds.

I was singing lowly and was very concentrated on what I was doing that I didn't notice James staring at me, I stopped what I was doing and gave him the "yes, do you want something?"

Look and he smiled,

"Your voice is so beautiful and calming! Who thought you?"he asked,

"My grandma did, she always sang to me when I was little" I smiled remembering the memories that will never leave my heart.

After I was done with his wounds I left his room and went to mine, I need to call kalisha, I picked my phone and called her, she picked at the second ring,

" hey kam how are you doing?"

" hey babe I'm a bit stressed but I'm good can we meet up somewhere I have a lot to tell you!" I asked,

"Sure thing boo we could do some shopping!"

" yeah that will be great!" I said smiling and going to my bathroom to take a shower,

"See you soon boo" she said sending kisses to me,

" ok bye love" I ended the call and took a shower.

I came out of the bathroom and lotioned my body with my cocoa butter cream and wore denim shorts,yellow t-shirt and my vans.

I went to James's room to inform him that I was going shopping with kalisha but he wasn't there so I went to check the kitchen and found him cooking breakfast,

" hey emm I'm going out for shopping with kalisha and I will probably come home late soo yeah"i said shyly,

He stared at me and said,

" mmh ok sure do you want me to come pick you up or something?" He said walking to the island sitting down and eating his breakfast,

" no I'm good I'll come back with my car" then I heard a hunk and I knew it was kalisha so i walked away and left the house, I looked at his house and still

wondered what kind of business he does to have this kind of a house, I went over to kali's car and got in the passenger side,

" hii kali!!" I said hugging her,

" hey boo how are you?"

" except me having nightmares, panic attacks, going to James room in the middle of the night and we kissing, I'm pretty much ok!" I said all in one breath, kali was staring at me with wild eyes,

" bitchhh you did what?" She screamed,

" I said I kis..."

" I heard you damn right but how? After that what happened? Did you run away? Was the kiss nice? Did you guys ta..."

" bitch chill down oh my God!!" I said laughing hysterically,

We were close to the mall when I was done telling her all the story from the beginning.

We arrived at the mall parking lot and came out of the car singing (jaded by drake) and walking towards the entrance.

I left the house when it was 11:30 am and now it was 4:50pm and I was exhausted so we went to get something to eat and drink and went to a nearby park and sat on the grass,

it felt nice, with the wind blowing softly, the weather not too hot, it was really peaceful, I was done eating and I layed on the grass and closed my eyes, after a while kali spoke,

" kam are you sure you're ok? I mean with the nightmares and all you know!" She said with a soft voice placing her head on my stomach,

I played with her thick curly and soft hair,

" do you want to know the truth?" I asked tiredly,

" yes kam all the truth" I sighed and spoke,

" I feel so scared inside, I feel like he's looking for me and he's going to get me soon, that's why I'm having this nightmares but I always remind myself of who I am and what grandma told me, but every passing day I feel like when I fall inside that hole I'll never come out of it, it's hard for me to ignore this things, it started and at a certain point it's going to end but I feel like I can't make it through, even if I overcame it once, am I going to overcome it again, am I going to struggle till I feel numb?" I didn't notice that I was crying hard,

kali hugged me tight and I cried on her shoulder,

" always remember what grandma told you: focus kalisha and don't you ever put your head down because your crown might fall off."