Despite Death

Part 1

[20.09.12.9]

Last day.

The parents are due to arrive tomorrow morning.

I have no absolute guarantees that their arrival will help in any way, but at least they'll listen to me.

Our relationship isn't great.

But they're good listeners.

That's what makes them different from most people.

And I'm grateful for that.

They'll listen...

At best, I can convince them to send me away from here.

Even if such an outcome is unlikely.

— ...

Survive this day?

And what can I do for this?

First of all, I'm still not sure if it's really that bad...

Maybe it's just a figment of my paranoia.

I have no idea.

I just want to cry with helplessness.

What am I going to do?

Scary.

Fear of the unknown.

The stalker knows almost everything about me. I know nothing.

I don't have any ideas at all.

— Damn it...

I can't help praying, can I?

Normally, I would consider this nonsense.

But now...

...

...

Still nothing happens.

Several hours had gone by while I was guessing and brainstorming in vain.

And I didn't even notice it.

I just shivered and trembled.

Like cornered cattle awaiting execution.

So a lot of time passed.

It was only at night that I came to my senses.

— Am I... alive?

Nothing happened.

Just a stiff body. As if that mattered.

Now I can just go to bed...

Skip the rest of the time.

Even if I get killed, it'll happen in in a dream.

Painless.

Maybe that's the best outcome.

That's what we'll do.

I don't care about nightmares.

My patience has run out.

I just want the next day to come.

On shaky legs, I get to bed.

I fall into a deep sleep.

Part 2

[09/21/12.9] – Day X

The vibrations under my pillow wake me up.

I check my watch.

5:24

The plane will arrive between 7:00 and 7:20

Not counting various additional processes.

Getting the luggage, for example.

My phone seems to be vibrating.

[New Message]

Unknown number.

...Unknown?

I don't like this.

— ...

Anyway, need to read it.

[Hi, it's Mom. I accidentally drowned my mobile in the sea and didn't have time to get it back. I had to get a new one.]

Next message.

[Can you come to the airport to meet us? I don't force, if anything.]

That's it.

Don't force, hmm?

Refuse?

I know exactly what will happen if I refuse.

I wonder which is worse?

Death?

Or refusing this woman's 'requests'?

I've got to go.

It's a long way to the airport.

Sure, it's in another town. This town is too small.

I check the train timetable and blow out another round of cocktails.

It's time to go.

...

....

It's getting colder.

Up until this day, I didn't really feel it.

But now...

The real autumn is starting.

Or should I say the transition to winter?

What difference does it make?

Strong gusts of wind from the north blow through the trees.

Leaves fall trembling.

They turn the earth golden.

Autumn is a beautiful season.

I could watch all this for hours.

I really wanted to.

A pipe dream.

Fate can be very unfair, isn't it?

— ...

I got carried away.

I arrive at the station a few minutes before departure.

Perfect timing.

The last few days have been a little too perfect.

...

That's not good.

I have a very bad feeling about this.

It can't be that easy, can it?

Or maybe...?

There are enough people on this train. Just enough to make it seem neither empty nor full.

Normally I'd prefer it empty.

But right now I'm happy. There are people here. Not just one or two.

No one would dare kill me in front of so many people...

— ...

...I suppose...

Stop winding yourself up.

I'd rather enjoy the ride properly.

Part 3

An airport.

The only one in the prefecture.

The area is mostly mountainous, so it's strange that they could fit an airport here.

Although, after all, I drove seventy kilometers away from the city.

Maybe this area is flatter?

Anyway...

An airport.

There were no problems with the train, I got there successfully.

I just had to wait for the plane.

Another half hour.

Too much free time.

Too bad it's being wasted on psychotic ramblings.

This is not how I wanted to start the new semester.

Definitely not.

— Hmm?

The phone vibrated again.

This time it's...

[Incoming Call]

[Mom]

Maybe he's calling to find out where I am now?

— Hello?

[— Yes, Akuta? We're on our way. We'll stop by the store on the way, do you need anything?]

— Eh? Uh, well... weren't you supposed to arrive a little... later? - I'm confused.

[— Yes... about this... We decided to fly to Russia, send Shiori to her grandmother. So, we left a week ago, and we went here by ship. Surprisingly, the time is almost identical.]

— Yeah... that's a coincidence...

[— Hmm, Akuta? Did something happen to you? You're breathing heavily.]

— No, nothing... I'm not at home right now, I'll be there in a few hours. Nothing is needed.

[— Aha... Is that it? Well, good luck there...] – She never understood such things...

— Y-Yeah...

[Call ended]

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

...

....

I got it.

It's...

...Defeat.

All this time I was dancing to his tune.

Messages from an unknown number...

...Were not from parents.

They never lost their phone. And they didn't order a new one.

Why didn't I realize this before?

I... lost.

I'm an idiot.

Fucking idiot.

— FUCK!

I'm filled with rage.

Anger. At my own naivety.

As soon as I heard the first sentence, I rushed towards the station.

Now I am very far from the airport.

There's not a soul around.

I could shout a lot.

But...

I only had enough for one word.

The anger was immediately absorbed. Despair.

Really...

...Have I finally lost the will to fight?

At last...

A huge weight fell off my shoulders.

Now I don't have to worry about anything.

I won't make it.

It's an hour and a half from here to the house.

I won't make it.

Anything can happen in that hour and a half.

I won't make it.

My parents will die.

They will be killed by a Stalker.

There's nothing I can do to stop it.

I'm such a useless piece of shit.

What am I supposed to do now?

Sit here and wait for mom and dad to be torn to pieces?

Just... sit?

I can ignore the deaths of people I don't know.

But just wait for my own parents to die?

— ...

...Hell no...

You won't make it anyway. — Whispered an inner voice.

Shut up.

You're exhausted. Too weak.

Shut up!

You can't even take a step. What kind of savior are you?

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

No weight fell. It just got heavier.

I'm running towards the station. Not stopping. It's been twenty minutes.

Every breath I take is an excruciating pain.

My lungs feel like they're being torn apart.

I don't care.

I'll be in time. I will definitely...

There's a chance.

One chance.

My parents came by ship...

But there's nothing in our town that looks like a dock or a pier.

Therefore...

If they called me as soon as they got off the boat...

So they still have to go and go.

In that case, I can make it.

It's not impossible.

The hell I'm going to let them die...

...

....

The train arrived just in time for me.

I'm so glad things are going my way.

Not counting the ones that happened because of stupidity.

I jump on the train, surprising the people around me.

I immediately fall onto an empty seat and try to catch my breath.

My lungs feel like they're going to explode.

This marathon literally destroyed the body from the inside.

It hurts.

Lungs, heart, limbs, blood vessels. They're on fire.

Vision is turned off for a while.

I wipe the sweat from my brow.

After that it's a little easier.

...I overexerted myself.

The condition is critical.

But it's bearable.

I've had worse. Much worse.

Still...

If I had stopped just once, this train would have left.

And they only run every couple of hours.

I'd have to find a car.

There are also buses, but they are too slow.

I managed, everything else is not terrible.

Now I have some time.

I have to think of a plan of action.

Otsuki said that no evidence was found. The investigation is very stalled.

This Stalker definitely knows his stuff.

I can't beat a professional killer.

Not in a direct collision.

...

Can I intercept my parents on their way home?

What if that's what he's waiting for?

— ...

Damn.

I wanted to come up with a plan, but now I'm just even more confused.

The problem is in the physical condition.

My head is completely out of whack.

I'm only enough for the simplest operations.

I can't outsmart someone who knows everything about me.

Even in perfect condition, it's almost impossible.

...Let alone the current one.

In the end, I'm stuck again.

Stuck in doubts mixed with impatience.

It's just a matter of luck.

The train is too slow.

(...Stop it.)

I can't have depressing thoughts.

Since I can't think of anything worthwhile, I need to at least mentally prepare myself.

At least I can do that, right?

Part 4

The longest hour and a half in my life.

For the first time I feel defeated by impatience.

I checked my watch every ten minutes.

Although it seemed like an hour had passed.

— Damn it...

Can't it be faster?

Need to hurry.

However...

Trains run according to the schedule.

And they don't care about the problems of a random half-wit schoolboy.

And this train also arrives on schedule.

Exactly an hour and a half.

I've checked my watch thirty-four times.

There can be no mistake.

At least my body had time to rest. Within reasonable limits.

As soon as the doors open, I immediately jump out of the train.

— If only it would work...!

Drive slower, damn you!

For your sake...

After running a few more kilometers, I stop. I'm taking a quick step.

The house is just around the corner.

— ...

A car is parked near it.

Are they back already?

The car is not familiar to me, so maybe it's someone else.

...

...That's even worse!

Damn...

The car is empty. There's no one around.

In fact, for all the time that I was running, I didn't notice a single person.

I wish I could just chalk it up to paranoia.

But that's kind of...

What are you thinking about? You were so eager to come here, and now you're standing like an idol?

Shut up...

Are you thinking about all sorts of left-wing bullshit, just to find an excuse not to go into the house? To your own house!

— ...

Your legs are shaking! You can't fool yourself! Fucking coward!

...Shut up.

Take a deep breath. Then exhale.

The first step.

Second.

Third.

I'm sick to my stomach.

Fourth.

I'm getting chills.

Fifth.

My mind is completely empty.

Not a soul around.

Just me...

...and a house that has turned from a home...

...To the House of Fear.

The sixth step.

I shiver.

Seventh...

I'm twisting.

...Step eight.

My blood runs cold.

...Ninth...

I found myself on the porch.

The tenth step.

I stop. Forcibly.

The throbbing headache that has been haunting me the whole time has gotten a hundred times worse.

If it were any worse, I'd pass out from the pain.

That scene again.

With each step, it became clearer and clearer.

With each step, she became more clearly imprinted in my memory.

Like an absolute tattoo.

This scene...

Yes.

The nightmare of my dreams.

It has always seemed strange why the same thing repeats day after day.

...Now...

It's all so obvious now.

My head is going to explode.

Looks like some blood vessels have burst.

My vision went off again. Lucky...

However, I'm taking the next step.

Clarity comes.

I open the door.

The nose immediately breaks through.

A pungent smell.

Salty and sweet.

Metallic.

In fact, I smelled it a long time ago. Standing in front of the car.

That's the reason for the inactivity.

The door is open.

Another step...

A strange sound.

*Squish*

*Squish*

The squelching of thick liquid.

The sound comes directly from the floor.

...

...From my feet.

As soon as I realize this, I notice.

My shoes are soaked with something wet.

Another one...

Vision...

...It's back.

Along with the memory.

I'm standing in a pool of blood.

This is it.

The same scene from nightmares.

I already know what will happen next.

Paralysis.

The body is no longer under my control.

As if in a trance, I slowly move forward.

Except for sight, all other senses are shut off.

Now I see. All I can do right now is watch.

A step away from me is someone's hand.

A woman's. A ring on her ring finger.

A few more steps.

The blood didn't come from here.

It came from the kitchen.

I'm going this way.

This is it.

In the kitchen.

It.

She.

The culmination of the nightmares.

Two mangled corpses.

Try as you might, it's impossible to identify anyone here.

Bloody scraps mixed with something brown, as well as admixtures of something yellow.

The smell is not pleasant.

Should I thank God that I can't smell it?

It feels like there's more blood than the human body can hold.

It's everywhere.

Walls, floor, refrigerator, table, chairs, various furniture.

Not long ago the room was a pleasant green color...

The head involuntarily turns to the sink.

It is filled to the brim with some incomprehensible liquid.

It would seem to be blood, but the color is different.

Slightly transparent.

Perhaps diluted with water?

There's something floating in this liquid.

Looks like...

Fingers.

...

...

It was all just decoration.

Decoration for... What?

A Work of art?

These dreams were destroying me from the inside.

But at the same time...

I found a strange aesthetic in them.

As if it wasn't a massacre...

Not a massacre, but...

A Picture.

Like an artist expressing his feelings. Trying to share his vision of the world.

Is it his fault that the world turned out to be... Like this?

In the middle of the room stood... girl.

Straight black silky hair fell slightly short of her shoulders.

Thin neck. Snow-white skin.

Perfect body proportions. Nothing superfluous.

A beautiful face. Deep ruby eyes that, for some reason... had nothing in them.

If there was even a spark of intelligence in those eyes, perhaps it was worth calling this appearance perfect?

Other than that, there was nothing to find fault with.

Like a princess Snow White descended from the pages of a fairy tale.

But had Snow White ever been covered in blood from head to toe?

Definitely not.

Snow White would never stand around a pile of corpses with a knife in her hands.

And that made her boring.

And that's what...

This was the main object in the picture that unfolded in front of me.

I've never understood fine art, so I can't explain it in the right words.

But...

There's a charm to it.

I'll have a lot of time to think about it.

In hell.

All this time I didn't notice, but it seems that this girl noticed me a long time ago.

I think she's trying to tell me something.

But I can't hear.

My hearing dissolved as soon as I got inside.

So I won't be able to answer her anything.

A little time passes.

Her expression becomes too complex.

I couldn't read it before.

But now...

It seems there was joy at first...

Joy?

I don't understand.

What was she so happy about?

Later it was replaced by sadness.

Bitterness.

Maybe my silence had upset her.

Should I have apologized?

Now...

I have no idea.

Her face was blank.

Her lips stopped moving. She is silent.

Walks towards me. Raises her hands.

A moment later...

My vision goes black.

I lose touch with reality.

She must have stabbed me in the heart.

Sorry? Granted a quick death?

Looks like I don't have much time left.

How long does the brain work after the heart stops?

Two minutes? Five?

I've lost all my senses, so I can't tell if it's a long or a little.

I can't say anything at all.

What was I even doing next to that girl?

I can't remember.

It seems that time is coming to an end.

The only thing my brain is thinking about right now...

I remember one thing for sure...

I saw tears in her eyes.

It bothered me.

Why?

I won't know it now.

Consciousness is slow...

...Fading away....

....

.....

......

Part 5

[31.08.12.10]

Migraine is a disorder characterized by attacks of dull pain in a particular part of the head.

It can be felt in the dental and auditory nerves, which are among the most sensitive nerves in the human body.

It is usually possible to interrupt its symptoms with medication or, at most, with painkillers.

But what about a person whose migraines extend to the entire volume of his or her head and are many times more severe than normal migraines?

He's already tried treatment. Taken a bunch of different medications, seen doctors, undergone tests. To no avail.

While I was half asleep, an inner voice began to broadcast all sorts of incomprehensible things.

What kind of language is that of a telemarketing salesman?

Brrr...

The answer came immediately.

The man with the migraine is You. Wake up!

Eh?

Before I realized it, a sharp pain pierced my head.

— AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

W-what... what the... fuck?!

The shock of pain knocks me out for a few minutes.

Or for a few hours?

I have no idea.

The main thing is that it hurt like hell.

When consciousness returned, the pain was gone.

There was something... phantom.

Phantom pain.

It's the same feeling when you lose a limb.

It doesn't seem to be there, but the pain is present.

Something similar is happening to my head right now.

But the head is still there...

I'm touching it.

Everything is right. The head is here. Safe and sound.

But what is this feeling?

It clearly goes beyond common sense.

Something ephemeral.

Not caused by physics.

And that sharp pain?

For the first time in my life, I lost consciousness from pain shock.

It felt pretty bad.

Compared to that, these phantom pains feel even pleasant.

It's like when you're faced with a complex problem that requires active thinking.

Simply put – information overload.

But just now I was sleeping peacefully...

Are dreams capable of producing a volume large enough to make your head hurt?

...And so much so...

Damn.

Information...

I can't remember.

This phantom pain blocks any thought processes.

It 's like he 's talking:

[Wait for the download.]

— ...

I walk around the house aimlessly for a while.

My mind is a mess. I just need to wait for things to calm down.

I'm going down to the kitchen.

I am greeted by a neat room painted in warm colors.

It looks... sunny.

My mother loves sunflowers.

That's why the apron of the kitchen set has them on it.

The headset itself is painted green for a combination of colors.

There is also a panoramic window facing east overlooking the backyard.

An excellent combination.

After all, the sun rises in the east.

The backyard is covered with greenery.

And the headset is green.

Mom really understands these things.

The morning kitchen is a truly calming sight.

With the exception of my own room, it's probably my favorite place to be.

And the family is in solidarity with me.

This place is also a dining room.

We often gathered here for breakfast.

Casual conversations about nothing.

Even though I was always just a listener, this room holds many memories dear to my heart.

At least it was supposed to.

And it was. Until today.

Why this strange feeling?

The last time I was here, she seemed a little, uh... different?

A contradiction.

I should feel nostalgic. It's always been like this.

But why do I feel... fear?

As if to answer my doubts, the phantom pain grew stronger.

Is there something I don't know?

What did I forget...?

Somehow I feel uneasy.

It's better to get out of here as soon as possible.

Maybe some fresh air will make me feel better.

After walking a few blocks to the nearest park, I stop at an old, dilapidated bench.

We have a town of rich people, they should devour such lawlessness with shit?

Anyway, this bench hasn't been repaired in a long time.

But I'm not picky.

I'll sit on it.

It's the last day of summer vacation and summer itself.

The new semester starts tomorrow.

A warm summer breeze ruffles my hair.

The morning sun warms.

Not a soul.

I feel... fresh.

So nice...

— Hmm?

When did I get used to this feeling?

It seems that he spent every day walking in nature. I had to get used to it.

Why does this feel so new?

The phantom pain has gotten worse.

— Enough already!

What is this nonsense?!

I want to remember!

What's going on?

Why is everything around me so weird?

I know the answer!

Then why...

Why... I can't remember anything?

Something definitely happened to me before.

Yesterday was August 30th.

My parents and sister went on vacation. I walked them to the train, and then I did pointless shit.

Nothing else happened.

Nothing important, for sure.

Nothing that could change my perception so much.

Nothing...

— ...

*Click*

It was as if electricity was connected to a certain section of memory.

An explosion.

Firework.

Images began to flash before my eyes.

Millions. Hundreds of millions.

Billions of petabytes of various information were now passing through brain cells. With breakneck speed.

This monstrous pain arose again.

It's even worse than before.

It's tearing my head apart.

Literally.

The brain seemed to have turned into liquid. Flowing from one state to another.

There is no other way to explain it.

I'm losing my sense of time.

From the outside, it seems like I'm stuffed with all the existing narcotic substances.

Body is melting. It's on ice.

The wind howls in my ears. Water comes out of them.

I'm floating in the air. I am in the core of the earth.

I'm bursting with energy. I'm a dead man.

Heaven and Hell.

Simultaneously.

I am experiencing thousands of different states at the same time.

Many of them are opposite to each other.

How much time has passed?

Obviously not less than several thousand years.

I feel that much older.

...

....

.......

When it all comes back to me, the sun has already set.

I find myself lying under a bench.

I don't know how nobody noticed me all day, but...

Maybe because of the tall grass?

Or maybe nobody cares.

Anyway, it's good.

Otherwise, I would have to come up with excuses.

I'm not sure they would have been accepted.

— Pha...!

Like it matters!

I don't care!

I got my memory back.

Completely.

I understand everything! Finally!

I feel like a scientist who has mastered thermonuclear fusion after several decades of hard work.

To hell with thermonuclear fusion! After all, I am...

All this information didn't come from the void.

...Because I...

All from my memory.

...Because I...

Phantom pain just connected that partition to the main system.

...Because I...

The memory of past lives.

...I can rewind time.