1 ONE SIDED

ONE SIDED....

I don't remember the date, day, and time i met him but remembers that moment. It was the last online class when i heard him first time and viewed his name. He has a very unique name quiet off, but interesting. No feelings arose to me at that time except his name, which was continuously roaming in my mind, which stopped after some hours. Corona case had declined so online class stopped with four days holiday with the arrival of physical classes.

Now it was first day to high school after first lockdown. It was all about new start with new friends. I have not made friends in online classes as i joined it very late. However, I was very excited. Being ready earlier, managing all stuffs I went to high school with great enthusiasm. I stepped in. Finally, I was in high school but suddenly I started feeling so awkward standing alone in the ground, no idea of the classroom and not even friends to talk. Even I thought of making friends but there was mask on everyone's face which made me more awkward to talk or even ask for the class. Suddenly I saw some students moving towards a building and so I followed them and there Isaw notice board. At last I found my class and went there.

At first day very hardly I made one friend who was also in dilemma same like me. We sat together and later go on being close friends. There was no interaction between the students else those who were friends from online classes. After few weeks, we were shifted to a new building with large rooms, big windows and airy classroom. Interaction got started with teachers and then slowly with friends. Slowly we formed friends group. There were only few girls in our class so everyone was friendly with each other. Slowly i started conversation with almost all students of the class. Amazing thing was I found "him" in my own section. He was the one who was friendly with all students. He had a good humor and friendly behavior. I was impressed anyway. One day i was talking with some friends near the gate of the classroom and he came. Nothing was so special to me with his entrance but as i had no interaction with him but he was good friend of one of my friend he came towards her and greeted her by hitting each other fists saying "hey dost" and went to his seat. I felt ignored. I thought even if we did not interact with him he should greet everyone present there as a moral trait. I felt so bad and moved towards my seat. His ignorance made me whelmed but i was unable to do anything or say him anything because i didn't want to do so.

Slowly i was moved by his performance and his loyal character. Not only me but i guess everyone was impressed with him. I found him very helpful and hardworking. Even my bench partner was pleased with him. Days went on same like before enjoying with friends, gossiping, helping and healthy interaction with each other went on but still i was not talking with him and neither he talked with me. Though I was wanting help for him I could not collect up my courage to speak to him. One day, one of the period was off because the teacher was absent and the noise arose in class. Some boys occupied the last bench and was enjoying themselves howling screaming creating mess in the class. Me and my bench partner were busy with our notes and were getting disturbed because of them as they were just back of us. I saw one bench empty behind "him" and i forced my bench partner to change the seat and we did. It was the first time i think i talked to him. I don't know how the conversation started but remember that on that day i was enthusiastic talking to him for the first time. I said to my bench partner shall we sit here every day behind him and then instant answer came from her "I was also wanting to sit here but i was feeling awkward saying this to you". Finally, we made decision to sit in that bench for always. We were sitting in opposite row before but now i can see him always in front of me.

I don't know how but i started liking him and i didn't insist this as "love". I was knowing that it's just an attraction which will fade away with time but things went on in such a way that i can't even try to be far from him. I had chose to sit behind him but after realizing such affection towards him I tried to change my place but it was too late as we were directed to sit on the same place where we were and to start rotation. My feeling went on becoming more vivid towards him even I tried to ignore and suppress my feeling, I wasn't able to do so in class and similarly in lab because during group division for physics and chemistry lab we were in same group. I found him so nice towards everyone but he was not talking to me in the way he used to talk with other girls. But when I came up giving speech in class for first time in English everyone appreciated me even he appreciated me and I could guess this was the reason he started talking to me. He became friendly with me. Me and my bench partner frequently used to talk with him, joke with him, and yes learning and teaching was done maximum in between us. Then I started to ask him for notes and he used to share with me.

I had missed most of my online classes. I had to complete so many notes and it was very difficult for me to complete. On one day we were just having a group conversation then I got to know he was staying in one of the hostel near my house. Before, I was I guessing he was in high school hostel. He also marked my words that I stay near him. I went to home after class and found that I forgot take my friend's copy. I needed the copy to complete my notes so I messaged him to please send me notes of physics in messenger and then he replied " no its too much, I cant better you take my copy. You live near me right". I got so fascinating thinking he had called me and I am going to meet him outside for the first time. I replied ok and asked him where I should come. He said to come to the temple and I agreed. I was still in uniform and went wearing slipper in the uniform with my mobile phone. I waited in temple for ten minutes but he didn't came. I left him a message but he was not online. And went to my room. As I reached the main door, I remember that he might have come to another temple near to the river bank. I rushed toward that temple and found that he was not there as well. I went to my room. As I came a messaged came from him "you waited to 10 minutes but I waited for 15minutes". I was surprised. I messaged him in which temple were you waiting for me and he said the temple near river site near panipuri stall thinking that it's the favorite place of girls. My reaction was something like "what" and then again he messaged " I think you were waiting in that jhilimili chowk temple right?" I was not able to control my laugh when he said jhilimi chowk to milijuli chowk. Anyway, he said to come again to temple and this time we conformed the place and went. I reached there earlier, we met, talked with each other, took the note and I came. Next day I shared this moment with my friends as well. In this way, we met each other three times only for taking notes.

I started noticing him every day. I started enjoying chemistry lab the most as I was able to spend one and half-hour with him. We were five in a group two girls and three boys. On second day of my lab, I broke funnel and I was scared. Lab assistant frown at me but didn't said anything and everyone in group were consoling me. After that on next lab I was doing experiment and I had allergic reaction on my hand and as I washed my hand, it started to burn and I started itching, and very consoling words came from his mouth "what happen? Do it properly or my heart starts to fear seeing you in this way". Then what, the other group members started making "oo-ooo" sound making me feel awkward. I said its nothing stop accusing in this way and he also added "saathi ho yaar". I still remember this day and his words. I really enjoy every chemistry lab and even physics lab as well.

I was knowing I am getting attracted towards him but I was really enjoying this feeling and let it went as it was going. However, I don't know why whenever he talked with other girls I was feeling jealous because he never to talked to me the way he used to talk with other girls. I was sure he is never going to have the feelings for me as I had towards him because I was not beautiful like other girls of my class and I don't have the proper way of talking with boys I guess. Whenever I talked with him, I used to get so excited that I went on saying some random and useless things to him. I could not even realize what I am talking to him. Just to make him focus on me I going on doing very awkward things, which seems as over dramatic or overconfident, which I used to realize when I was alone talking to myself. I felt that he was liking someone else in class which become more awkward to talk with him. I was frequently trying to identify who was that lucky girl whom he was in love with but I can't.

Then what just three month of physical classes so called friend of students corona arrived again and some of the teachers were affected and we got holiday for seven days with additional four days holidays due to pollution in the city which arose due to forest fire. Class started as usual but after two weeks of reopening of schools and collages, they were closed for a month due to rapid corona case in the city.

Now I think I will get exhausted in this holiday thinking about him and his love. I am now able to console myself saying It's just an attraction don't go deep beyond it. Let's see how far I can control this feeling. Whenever I saw his photo in social media I keep looking at it. I don't know what else is going to be in coming future but will be waiting for the result whether it is going to be one sided for me or ....