11 A New Resolve

After leaving the Council Meeting, it didn't take me long to reach the entrance – well, it was the exit now, but whatever. And I realized that I had absolutely no fucking clue about which way to go to find Thorin and the others.

Shit. There was no GPS here.

Fucking hell.

"Well, now what?" I grumbled, absentmindedly kicking a pebble into the river below. Why did I have to wait for the council meeting, really? Couldn't I have just left with the dwarves and Bilbo when I had the chance?

Nah, that would have never worked.

I had spent the evening talking to Elrond, Glorfindel, and Gandalf, so there was no way I would have ever been able to escape those three. Well, Gandalf would have let me. He honestly didn't care whether I went to the meeting or not.

I was a little miffed that Bilbo had left with the others without waiting for me, but in his defense, he probably didn't expect me to be directionally challenged. Which I wasn't. Well, sort of.

I knew my way around places, okay? I just didn't know this place. Middle-Earth was fucking massive, and the movies or the book descriptions certainly didn't work as reliable directions.

They always skipped all the boring parts, so most of the travel time went right out the window. Heck, they did it so much that when I was younger, I thought the Fellowship had only needed like a month to reach Mordor. Only that when I read the books, it turned out to be more like a fucking year – granted, that included the time they spent resting in Rivendell and Lothlórien, but still. 

How was I supposed to find Thorin's Company like this?!

And Gandalf was taking forever to speak to Galadriel. What were they even doing up there?!

As I wondered whether to just fuck it and choose a random direction while hoping Lady Luck smiled on me, or to ask someone for directions – which would be embarrassing but would probably save me future embarrassment as well – someone called my name from behind me.

I turned around and saw Estel waving at me cheerfully.

What the heck was Estel doing at the entrance of Rivendell? Shouldn't he be studying or whatever it was he did all day long?

"What are you doing?" Estel asked me once he joined me in front of the bridge. I looked at the joyful little kid and sighed. Fuck it.

"I do not know which way to go," I admitted to Estel, who merely tilted his head and thankfully didn't comment on my complete ignorance of the world map.

"Where are you going?" The boy asked then, which was fair. He didn't know about anything that was going on outside Rivendell.

I kind of envied him in that moment. Ignorance truly was bliss most of the time.

"The Misty Mountains," I told Estel after a moment of trying to remember where Thorin's Company had encountered the stone giants. It was the Misty Mountains, right? If it wasn't, it would be pretty awkward.

"Oh," Estel nodded and pointed to the East, as if it was normal for a little kid to know these things. Future ranger indeed. "It is that way, then. You will need to cross them to get to the other side, though. And there is still a long way across Eriador!"

I stared at those mountains, which looked absurdly far from here, and I wondered how the fuck the dwarves managed to cross that distance so fast. It had only been like four hours since they had left, hadn't it? Maybe even three, at most!! What the heck did they do?! Fly?!

"Right. Okay. Thanks for the help, buddy," I told Estel, gently patting his head.

The boy playfully swatted my hand away and adjusted his flower crown – which he was still wearing. Wasn't he the cutest kid ever?

"Are you sure you cannot stay here longer?" Estel asked me, pouting unhappily.

"As much as I would like to, Estel, my friend is waiting for me. I cannot abandon him."

Estel sighed but nodded with an understanding look. "Mother often says friends are really important and that we should always help them when they need it."

"Your mother is very wise, Estel. You should be proud." After saying that, I stared at the long, long road ahead and sighed. "Well, wish me luck."

"Good luck, Mairon! And farewell! I hope we will see each other again!"

I bopped Estel's nose and laughed at his indignant look. "We will, Estel. We definitely will."

And after one last look at Rivendell, I quickly started walking towards the distant mountains.

Gandalf would catch up with me. Probably.

-------------------------------

I stared at the rock that stood in my way for what felt like the third time and groaned loudly, startling some birds from their perches in the trees. This was it. This proved it.

I was as directionally challenged as Roronoa Zoro.

I think I was even worse than the green-haired man, if such a thing was possible. At least the swordsman actually reached his destination most of the time, either thanks to luck or plot convenience. But I just kept going in fucking circles.

I would never make fun of Zoro again.

This shit was impossible.

At first, Estel's advice had been good. 'Just keep those three mountain peaks in your sight,' had worked wonders for the first three hours and a half. After that…well. There were a lot of mountain peaks around this place, and considering I had needed to go around the mountain I was currently trying to leave, I kind of lost my directional point. All the peaks looked the same from here.

Fucking useful Maia I turned out to be. Frustration got the best of me, and I kicked the big-ass rock that stood in the way to let off some steam, only to gape when it went flying instead of staying in place like I had expected and smashed against the rock wall. Of course, I instantly doubled over in pain, clutching my right foot, and unleashed a string of expletives.

If only I could find the right way to follow without getting lost or stubbing any more toes, that would be awesome. 

Unfortunately, it didn't seem like a magic guiding light was going to appear any time soon and show me the way, so I had to improvise.

I looked around, did a 360º turn, and randomly picked a direction, which, of course, led me to a dead-end.

I peered down from the cliff's edge I was standing on, completely dead-eyed, wondering how my luck could suck so much.

Because, you see…How the heck did I end up in the tallest fucking mountain in this god-forsaken place without even realizing I was walking uphill?!

At least I was able to spot the three mountain peaks Estel showed me after a few seconds of tired contemplation.

I stared at the view, my initial excitement quickly turning into disbelief and horror when I noticed something.

Was it just me, or did the Misty Mountains seem even farther away than before?

My face instantly contorted into an expression of pure despair.

"I'm such a fucking moron," I whined, allowing myself to collapse dramatically on the ground. "Gandalf is probably halfway there by now! 'Follow the fucking mountains,' they said. 'You won't get lost that way,' they said! Oh, if only Grandma could see me now…"

At least there was no one there to witness me venting my frustration at the world. Well, there was that squirrel on the tree over there…wait a second. A squirrel? At this altitude?

I looked up from my spot on the ground and stared at the little animal perched on the branch of the only tree in the vicinity.

The squirrel chattered something at me and munched on some berries it held, as if this were an incredibly amusing show it had stumbled upon on its squirrel-sized TV.

He was probably commenting on the absurdity of the situation. I had no doubt I'd be the talk of the entire squirrel kingdom by the next day.

I decided to just lie there for a while, pondering my questionable life choices while trying to ignore the undoubtedly amused squirrel above me.

This was getting ridiculous. The whole quest was ridiculous from the beginning, to be honest. Who the fuck decided it was a good idea to cross half the world to try to reclaim an entire kingdom from a freaking dragon?

Of course, it was a rhetorical question. I knew who it was.

"When I get out of here, I'm coming for you, you absolute, egotistical dwarven prick," I grumbled against the ground, but the words came out muffled and garbled, sounding more like, ''en ot…re, I'm comin' fer you, you abb...lut, ego...cal dw...ven pr...k."

The squirrel shrieked with laughter and jumped from the tree, scuttling away until it stopped in front of my face.

I gazed blankly at the giggling little menace, feeling completely done.

…Were all the animals in Middle-Earth this naturally smart?

I waved my hand unenthusiastically when the squirrel got too close to my face for comfort.

"Shoo, shoo," I said in the driest tone I could muster, trying to wave it away.

Of course, being my idiotic self, I completely forgot that squirrels could bite like any other wild animal when they feel threatened. So, I promptly found my hand in the squirrel's mouth.

I yowled in pain and shot up from the ground, frantically shaking my hand to try to pry the animal off.

I must have looked ridiculous.

I once watched a video where a poor woman walked right into a spider web. It was absolute gold. I was laughing for weeks after watching it.

Being on the receiving end of it, though, wasn't nearly as fun.

I was so freaked out that I didn't notice I was stepping closer and closer to the cliff's edge until I felt my feet no longer connected to the ground.

The squirrel must have sensed the incoming danger somehow because it jumped off me just a second before disaster struck.

"FUCKING BASTAAAARD!!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs as I plummeted to the ground, which was about twenty thousand feet away.

Heart-wrenching terror gripped every fiber of my being.

I wasn't ready to die, damn it! I hadn't even gotten to know Legolas! Or even annoyed Smaug to oblivion!! I wanted to see the Arkenstone, too!! It couldn't end here!

What about finding out whatever the hell was going on with me? Finding out what happened in this changed world that I found myself in, and why, just because I thought it was a good idea to destroy the deadliest piece of jewelry you could end up with in Middle-Earth??

The wind roared in my ears, not in that cool way it did when you passed all the other cars and felt like you were on top of the world, but in that way that basically meant 'you're fucking screwed, buddy.'

I desperately flailed my limbs in a futile attempt to regain control. What I would give for a paraglider right about now.

"Magic! If you have to do something, do it now!" I cried out, moving from spinning in the air to continuous front flips. I probably looked like Sonic the Hedgehog right about now.

It was a miracle I wasn't getting sick from so much turning and rolling.

Of course, nothing happened after I basically begged my body to pull some miracle out of its Maia ass.

"FUCKING MAIROOOOOOON!" I yelled hysterically.

How many seconds had it been already? Fifteen? Twenty?!

At best, I had fifteen seconds more before I went splat.

I frantically tried throwing all the magic words I could think of. "Abracadabra! Destination, determination, deliberation!! Alakazam! Open Sesame! Sim sala bim!"

I even tried the classic magic words of "Pretty please with a cherry on top!!"

But nothing worked.

Just as I was ten seconds away from dying a most likely very painful death, I shrieked, "FUCK THIS SHIIIIT!!!"

And then the unthinkable happened.

My body tingled with an energy that I was sure was not adrenaline. I could feel every muscle and bone in my body shifting, contorting in ways it should as hell not. It was as if I were being pulled apart and put back together simultaneously.

It wasn't painful, though. In a way, it almost felt freeing.

Feathers sprouted from my limbs, my arms stretched impossibly wide, and my feet transformed into formidable talons.

My whole body elongated, and my senses sharpened even more than they already were – Mairon had bullshit senses, being a Maia and all.

My wings unfurled, catching the rushing air, and instinctively, as if I had been doing it all my life, I stopped falling and soared.

Instead of plummeting to my doom, I ascended towards the sky, defying gravity.

I was flying.

I whooped in absolute exhilaration, and an eagle's triumphant, majestic cry escaped my beak.

Glancing back at the cliff I had fallen from, I couldn't help but gloat as I saw the squirrel that had almost murdered me, an acorn he had probably just picked up dropped and forgotten, staring at me in open-mouthed astonishment. 

I performed a mid-air pirouette and flipped him off, eagle-style.

Hah. Sucker.

Such was my jubilation, that I forgot to watch where I was going.

Which was, of course, the moment when I smashed my new feathered self against a rock wall.

I let out a startled squawk and quickly righted myself, glaring distrustfully at the new mountain that stood in front of me.

Only this time, I could just do this!

I flapped my wings energetically, catching another updraft of wind that carried me effortlessly above the mountain's peak.

I located the place Estel had told me to head to and flew in that direction, all while the setting sun dipped below the horizon.

'Hold on, Bilbo,' I thought as I soared through the sky, every powerful beat of my wings propelling me closer and closer to my destination. 'I'm coming.'

-------------------------------

I don't really know how long I was flying for. As an eagle, time kind of felt different from before. I could tell it was passing, of course, but I wouldn't have been able to distinguish the difference between ten minutes and two hours.

A heavy rain had started not too long ago, which didn't exactly help me locate the party of dwarves and a hobbit. Although, funnily enough, I did catch a flash of a gray pointed hat once or twice. It was still pretty far from the place where Thorin's Company was supposed to be, though, and with this deluge, it would probably take Gandalf some more hours to reach them.

I would have waited for him if it weren't for the sense of urgency I felt after I remembered what exactly happened in the movies.

Amidst the stone giants' fight, the Company got separated into two groups, and Bilbo almost fell down a cliff. If it hadn't been for Thorin saving him just in time, he would have.

The thing was, I wasn't sure the events were going to go exactly like in the movies. The relationship Bilbo had with the dwarves now was closer than it had been in canon, so who could say if Bilbo would be in the exact same position he was in the story? What if he stood just a millimeter closer to the edge, causing him to fall when the rock path broke?

I flapped my wings even faster after those musings.

I had reached the Misty Mountains, but I would have to rely on my hearing to locate the group from now on. It was raining so heavily that even with my enhanced new vision, I was having problems distinguishing the shapes on the mountain.

I squinted through the veritable cascade of falling water and inwardly perked up when I finally saw a group of people carefully making their way across the ridge, half-drowned in rain.

I stopped just above the group, surprised that they hadn't seen me yet – although the heavy rain and the slippery paths that took all the dwarves' attention away from me might have had something to do with that.

And then a massive boulder hurtled through the air – almost hitting me in the process – and smashed on the mountainside above the group, sending rocks crumbling down around them as they pressed themselves against the mountain.

Balin stepped forward, pointing up at the sky. "This is no thunderstorm! It is a thunder battle! Look!" 

A massive stone giant – it must have been several thousand feet tall, at least – reared up from a nearby mountain and ripped a giant chunk of stone from the top.

"Well, bless me!" Fili exclaimed, looking quite shocked. "The legends are true! Giants; stone giants!"

Said stone giant threw the rock it was holding across the valley, which crashed into another stone giant who had started rising from the mountainside.

"Take cover!" Thorin yelled, and they all held onto the walls as the ground beneath them began to crack and split, separating the dwarves.

Fili reached out to his twin brother. "Kili, grab my hand! Kili!"

Kili, Oin, Gloin and Thorin began to drift away from the others, standing on one of the knees of a third stone giant, who rose slowly to join the fight.

The second stone giant lumbered over and headbutted the third giant. As it fell backward, Bilbo and the dwarves were sent tumbling forward and backward, hanging onto the mountainside for dear life.

Thorin and the others managed to jump onto the still side of the mountain.

I waited, looking intently at the battle.

There was no way I'd be able to go through there without hitting one of the giants. Because I wasn't a normal eagle, oh no.

I had transformed into a Great Eagle. Well, I looked like one, at least. That didn't mean I had their special abilities or anything. I was, most probably, only a big-ass eagle.

Thorin yelled in despair when the giant Bilbo and the others were standing on fell backward and seemingly crushed them all between the stone. I had to admit I almost freaked out too.

They all ran along the path and Gloin sighed in relief. "It is alright! They are alive!"

And then they realized what I had just noticed. Bilbo wasn't there.

I quickly scanned the place, and my heart jumped to my throat when I saw the poor hobbit dangling off the very edge of the cliff. I restrained myself from just jumping from the place I was perched on and swooping Bilbo up. Thorin was going to save him soon, and showing myself to them like this would only alarm them.

I didn't want them to fall backward in shock if they saw me. It would be a pretty bad fall – a deadly one, for sure.

So I held myself back and waited for Thorin to move his ass.

The dwarves were all panicking, clamoring around the cliff and reaching out to Bilbo to try and pull him up. Only they couldn't reach him.

Bilbo looked terrified; his hands visibly trembling as he tried to keep himself anchored to the rock wall. But then the rock he was holding onto broke.

Everyone shouted in shock and horror, and Thorin quickly started swinging himself down so he could reach Bilbo. But the movement he did must have been too abrupt or something, and I didn't know if it was just a coincidence or it was the Universe trying to fuck with me again, because a little, seemingly inconspicuous pebble beneath Thorin detached and fell down below, coincidentally – or perhaps not so at all – hitting the hand Bilbo was using to keep himself up.

The dwarves all cried out in horror, and Thorin yelled in desperation as Bilbo's flailing hands met the air in their urge to hold onto something.

Bilbo's terrified face stared back at them for a second, and then, he plummeted down the abyss.

I didn't even have to think about it.

Amidst the dwarves' horrified screams and cries of denial, I propelled myself from the rock, tucking my great wings against my body to gain more momentum, and I threw myself over the edge after Bilbo, ignoring the dwarves' shock at my appearance.

As I hurtled down, narrowing my eyes in utmost concentration, I couldn't help but think hysterically that falling from high altitudes was becoming a bit of a habit at this point. Two times were already too much to bear.

Bilbo's form grew smaller and smaller as he plummeted down.

I extended my wings, feeling the air rush against the feathers as I adjusted my trajectory slightly. I was now close enough to Bilbo that I could see his terror-stricken face, his eyes wide with fear.

The sight almost made me want to cry.

With a powerful flap of my wings, I quickly closed the distance between us while I thanked the heavens that the mountain pass they had been standing on had been so high up. I didn't know if I would have had enough time to catch him otherwise.

The rush of the wind and the sheer speed of our descent made it pretty difficult to maneuver, but I was somehow able to extend my claws and gently grasp Bilbo's flailing form.

The hobbit instantly stopped moving, probably in a panic when he processed the fact that a giant eagle had just caught him mid-fall. He even fell so silent that it worried me he had passed out for a second or something, but he was only petrified.

My wings strained against the force of gravity, and if I could have talked in this form, I would have told Bilbo to prepare for a very harsh landing.

I clenched my beak tightly as we plummeted closer and closer to the bottom of the valley. The ground was rapidly closing in on us, and I could feel my strength beginning to wane. I was trembling all over, and I was sure Bilbo could feel it too.

My feathers started to recede, and I hysterically pushed myself further to avoid transforming back in mid-air.

I was able to slow down enough to prevent us becoming one with the ground, but the fall still hurt like a bitch.

I let out a sharp cry of pain as I transformed back into my original form just as my back touched the ground, and I quickly wrapped my arms around Bilbo's small form to protect him as much as I could from the impact.

We tumbled and rolled until we came to a stop, panting and trembling with exhaustion, adrenaline, and residual panic.

After a moment in which we both just looked at the night sky, feeling the rain on our faces, Bilbo slowly leaned away, shakingly sitting next to my laid-out form, and he just stared at me with a myriad of emotions going through his eyes. The prominent ones were absolute bewilderment, horror, panic, and a complete bone-deep relief. The kind you only felt when you survived something you didn't think you would.

"Mairon?" Bilbo asked, his voice trembling. "I-it was y-you? Y-you were…a-an eagle. A…a giant eagle!" He sputtered smartly, trying to come up with something else more coherent, until he sighed in total defeat and elected to hide his face in his hands. 

"You are late," the poor hobbit almost sobbed out, and I sighed, feeling as if I were going to fall asleep right there and then.

"…I got lost," I said dumbly, and Bilbo released a startled, hysterical laugh which transformed into a sob midway. And then he started crying.

Heavy, loud sobs that made all his body tremble, his wet hair sticking to his face.

Bilbo completely broke down, probably just realizing now the gravity of the situation he had found himself in, and perfectly knowing that if it hadn't been for me, he would have died.

I felt a stab of guilt when I remembered that if it hadn't been for me, period, Bilbo would have never fallen down from the edge. Thorin would still be kind of an asshole to him until after they encountered Azog, sure, but at least he wouldn't have had to experience any of this.

I was sure this was going to give Bilbo nightmares.

And I could have prevented it. I could have acted way sooner into the stone giants' battle.

I didn't need to wait for them to reach the point in the movies. I really didn't. I could have done whatever to ensure Bilbo wouldn't fall down in the first place.

But I didn't. Because I didn't want to change canon any more than I already had. And now I understood how stupid that way of thinking really was.

Just by arriving in Middle-Earth the first time around and destroying Sauron before his time, I had already altered canon. Just because most things had stayed the same didn't mean it would always be that way.

As the events had just proved, this story wasn't one I could predict anymore. And if I refused to believe that, then when bad things happened I wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

If I had been even five minutes late, Bilbo would be dead.

And I would have never forgiven myself.

As I slowly sat up and hugged the shivering, crying hobbit against me, I made a promise to myself.

Fuck the timeline.

This wasn't the story I had grown up reading.

This was my life, now. Our life.

This was bigger than me, bigger than Thorin's Company. This was bigger than everyone.

And nobody could predict what would happen next. Not even me. Not anymore.

After that realization – which should have come way earlier than now, really – I suddenly felt myself getting light-headed, and I groaned.

"W-wake me up in a…in a bit," I told Bilbo, and I frowned in confusion. Why did my voice suddenly sound slurred?

Black spots entered my vision, and the landscape tilted sideways.

Oh, wait. It was me who was tilting. Not the landscape.

Hah. Could you believe that?

My eyes rolled up into the back of my head, and I passed out.