1 My hurdles

It is popularly known that everything in life has a purpose, but I am far from believing in that statement. So many things have happened in my life to contradict that statement. The family company went bankrupt, losing my father, and lastly becoming poor.

What purpose could those things possibly have?

I place my hand on my arm, the injury from the dog scratch from days ago still hurting. This week- on - this month, nothing good has been happening. From losing my job to doing badly in my dog walking job then getting turned down from all the other jobs I applied for. I just hope the bad luck doesn't run on today's efforts as I had taken my rèsume to some enterprise in Garden City.

As I keep walking, I can only wonder what use the Langley name now has. There is nothing that I am gaining from it apart from nostalgia, pain, and more heartbreak.

There was once a time when that name had wealth backing it up but that time is now gone. I can still remember every detail of how our lives transformed. From how we lost our home, yacht, private jet, beach house, and most importantly- company.

It all started when my dad's Pharmaticuelar company was sued for the production of defective drugs. The company was sued by the state, local government, institutions, hospitals, families, and individuals. It needed to pay $ 2 billion for settlement and it did but the company's reputation, amongst other things, had already been affected. This led many investors in the other multi-million projects to back out.

Also, after like half of our fortune had been added to the settlement, the bank that we owed threatened to issue a legal process against us if we didn't pay our loan: one that was taken to credit a project but the project the bank credit backed up couldn't be achieved due to the government than altering production in the company- it was a loss.

My dad begged for more time but he was forced into bankruptcy and the value taken was our properties. I remember seeing my dad in the living room signing the transfer documents with teary eyes.

I still remember how it felt when exited my home. How leaving my lavish lifestyle hurt and then, I thought that it was the worst thing that could happen to me but my father's unexpected death hurt a billion times more.

It not only caused an eternal void in my heart, but it also led me to grow fast as my mother and I had to deal with the numerous lawsuits after his death and settle the remaining fines.

His death made us feel void and my mother began to take drugs and alcohol after his death. My inability to talk enough senses into her led her to become a sot and a drug addict and while she went for her inpatient rehabilitation, I had to become a sibling guardian.

I had to decline my admission to Cambridge giving up on my aspirations and dreams of becoming a doctor.

I didn't want family service to take my siblings. Even without wealth, the last thing I wanted was for my family to be fucked up. I had a sixteen-year-old brother, a four-year-old sister, and a four-year-old brother so I needed to take responsibility while my mother did her two-year inpatient rehabilitation program funded by insurance.

It was hard - very hard to take responsibility. To care for my siblings, scold them, prepare their dishes, and do odd jobs to pay the bills even when Gabriel, my younger brother helped but I couldn't have let them be taken to a different home Or let my mom get herself killed by her addiction.

Luckily, my mom could successfully get detoxed.  She came back home being the caring mother she has always been and I felt very happy but those two years made my zeal to go. That 18-year-old girl had now turned twenty and felt different.

I didn't want to study medicine again, all I wanted was to keep doing my job routines and feel happy with my family around but I can't be blamed, everything that happened discouraged me. That girl who wanted to be prosperous and more assiduous than my father vanished replaced by a boring workaholic who began to struggle along with her mom to keep food on their family's table.

My brother was accepted into the University of California College of Law, San Francisco during this period and that inspired me a little so I began my goal-setting again. I knew it would take me bit by bit to fully convince myself and get my goals back but I am getting there.

We managed to pay the tuition fee for my younger brother's college and will all be able to finish our schooling through the savings we had in the education insurance.

I arrive at my apartment and dash into my house. A house that me and my family now stay in. We are just four now. I, My sixteen-year-old brother, my four-year-old sister, four- year four-year-old brother, and my mother. There is no father anymore.

It's dark in here so I turn on the lights. Everywhere is also silent.

'Everyone must be asleep,' I think then I throw myself to the sofa. If I am not hungry right now, I would have slept right here but my stomach is growling.

I force myself up, walking to my fridge and searching for something to eat since there is no cooked food stored on the top shelf, I settle for cereal.

When I am done eating, I walk towards Anderson, my little brother's room to check up on him. He usually stays with Gabriel but since Gabu is in college, he sleeps alone.

I close his room door back confirming that he's asleep. I don't want him to stay up to play games.

I am about to go to the room I share with Sarah when I suddenly notice low sobering coming from my mom's room. My eyebrows furrow. Did something happen?

I hastily walk towards her room, thankfully, the door is open and the first thing my eyes catch up with is her frame leaning toward her bed. I turn on the light getting a better view of her.

She's mumbling things to herself while crying. I walk close to her and even though I don't want to think wrong of her, my intuition leads me to go close to her and smell her mouth knowing that she only behaves this way after getting unhappy drunk.

I smell it and it just had to be it. She is drunk! My mouth falls open and without even realizing it, tears begin to stream down my face.

"Mom?" I ask waiting for her reply while I greatly hope that her words come out smoothly- like her normal self.

"Please say something. Welcome me, reply! Don't look at me like that!" I say hitting her shoulder with my hand. I tap her again but she just keeps mumbling strange things with her gaze still locked on me.

I shake my head feeling unable to believe all this. I thought her journey with all these was complete. It's been a year since her Rehab. How long has she been drinking Or worse taking drugs?

If it was a one-month program then her relapse would make sense but two years? She isn't the only one that went through all of this.

"C-o-r-a I-s t-h-at y-o-u," She asks as I begin to retreat backward. All the feeling of hope for a happy family has suddenly vanished but what hurts is that I gave something up for this dream. I had switched goals for family and now...this is what I get!

Soon enough, I'm sure, she'll start stumbling through the whole house announcing to every member that the old her is back!

"Yes. It's me but I don't have anything to say to you besides you'd remember nothing about in the morning," I state before hastily dashing out. I went back to the living room as all the thoughts of sleeping had vanished.

Tears are what now fill my formerly drowsy eyes as a million thoughts run through my head. That scenario is one I never imagined.

Doesn't she care about us? About how we feel? She just keeps bringing more heartbreak and disappointments. If we hadn't gone through the same thing, I wouldn't have the right to judge her but we did and none of us turned out like this.

At t this point, she is not only risking her health condition but also risking our mental health, exposing us all to these harmful substances and hurting us more. She is making us her collateral damage.

Staying around there is making all my pain come raw- every single one of them and it's too much to bear so I hastily rush out of my house.

I walk down the road with the pang still in my heart and surprisingly, the street is very much lively today. A lot of people are on the road and I can hear the loud music coming from a distant party.

When I pass by 'the Hoopla club,' the loud music pumping and the lighting make my steps come to a halt. It's known to be one of the best clubs here at Downtown Savannah.

The thought of going in to dance away my sorrows dawns on me. Why not just have fun like normal girls of my age will do every Friday night? Maybe I could be a new me today- one who would also think about herself and enjoy some goodies of life a little besides the dress I am putting on today is pretty good, it could fit in.

I walk past a couple making out and going closer to the club. When I arrive at the double swing door, a bodyguard pulls one of it for me and what welcomes me is the smell of alcohol and sweats.

People are wriggling their bodies to the DJ's music as blue and green lasers shoot out from the ceiling light. This is what I need, the noise, the people around, the way the lights look pretty good on their bodies, and of course, dancing seems to make everyone feel good.

I begin to make my way through the jam-packed area feeling great that my simple drape dress can fit in a little. I don't have too much regret entering here spontaneously.

When I arrive at a quite spacious dance area, I begin to wriggle my hair following the music's beat. I allowed the loud bass music to vibrate through my body as I swayed my hips to the beat of the popular remix.

Oh, and it feels so good to be spontaneous. I have even forgotten about everything that was running through my head, the regrets, the disappointment, the encounters, and my problems. I feel like I am in another world, a world of merry though with sweat and heat available.

I angle my knee as I keep my leg up then I raise my hands above my head moving my body to the rhythm of the music. As I keep feeling the song, I let my arms roam around my body. I swizzle my hips and bring my hands up further. I bring my hands back down to the same level as my hips as I begin to move my hips in circular motions my hand forming the invisible circle.

My best friend Jane did well in teaching me all these.

New songs come and go as I keep dancing but when my feet begin to hurt and I get tired, I head for the bar not wanting to ruin the joyous moment by heading home.

I arrive at the bar area sitting on one of the empty leather stools. There are two people by my side- one a guy whose head is having me as he talks to a very beautiful blondie and the other a drunk sexagenarian.

It takes a long while for the bartender to finish attending to the other side and during these times, I focus all my attention on the loud music going on as I dance in my brain. When he's finally done, I sigh in relief bringing my hand to the counter.

"Two shots of tequila with salt and lime. Then a bottle of beer," I say raising my voice for him to hear me and he nods going to get my order.

When my order gets to me, I put salt on my hand from the salt-box licking it and then taking my shot before sucking on the lime. I put the glass back on the counter looking by my side since I have been feeling a piercing gaze on me.

My eyes come in contact with a pair of blue impenetrable eyes and I blink. I feel like I am seeing one of those LA runway models. You hardly see a guy dressed this exorbitant around my area- a very cute and well-built one at that.

After just gazing at him for a while, I return my attention to the drink in front of me "What?" I ask dismissively. The last I want right now is a company especially that of a male horny stranger. I am used to the attention I get from them so it doesn't bother me.

If he needs a girl, he can have most of them here since nearly all of them have been ogling at him. That's what money and good looks can achieve.

As for me, that's the least on my mind. It has always been. Instead of relationships, guys, and sex, what I think about is how to survive, my family, and stay strong.

"You danced well and since you didn't seem to notice, I'll tell you that some people couldn't get their eyes off you. One of this kind Is in front of you." He says after a while cutting my thoughts and I mentally sigh.

Didn't he get the signal?

"I'll pass," I state without looking at him. From his behavior and face, I can tell that he's the flirty, nonchalant, and non-committed type of guy, so apart from the fact that I'm not in a good mood, he isn't my type of guy.

Suddenly, he moves from his stool and comes to sit at the one beside me. "Don't you need company? I can see you're here alone. You can try me out," He states but I just ignore him. I don't have any extra energy left for exchanging words with him.

I put salt in my hand, grabbing my next shot of tequila but this annoying guy speaks again. I swear if staying here wasn't necessary, I would've left.

"If you drink more, you will get drunk. Two more shots of that might not end well," He smirks. That's when I finally give him the attention that he's been craving.

"And how about I tell you that's what I came to do,"

I state bluntly but the guy in front of me seems to take that as progress.

His smirks gets wider "Wanna to share the reason?" He asks and I pour the shots in my mouth.

Yeah, you get it. I give up.

I place my glass on the table with a new motive: getting to know this guy in front of me. Since he didn't feel like leaving so why not ask about his life?

A proper dialogue with a guy is something I haven't done in years. I haven't waited to hear the end of a guy's pickup line, responded to hit-off texts, Or gone on any dating app in years.

I take my time to study him. I know was already getting tipsy so I just hoped that I wasn't looking at him the way I imagined. I bring my hand to the beer grabbing with a naughty smile on my face.

"Bartender, bring us an extra cup," I call out then I return my attention to the guy in front of me.

Maybe this would help me tonight.