105: We can't go back...

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"Xelean, what have you done?"

'Me? I didn't do this...' I was about to answer Gell with those very words, but then Agustin's voice crosses my mind 'you're cursed', and I look down at my hands in horror.

'I have to... I have to get out of here'

I rise to my feet in a hurry, and, spreading my wings to their fullest capacity, I propel myself into the air and begin to pull away from Deirdre's corpse.

"Xelean... Wait," I hear behind me, and, looking at the sound direction, I see that Gell is chasing me at full speed.

'Hmt, as if that green insect could compete in the air with a dragon.'

With that thought, I start shooting blue flames from my four legs, and I instantly leave Gell far behind, whereupon I see him as if he really is a small flying insect.

A few seconds later, I don't see him at all.

But I continue flying at full speed while the landscape below me changes as I fly, away from the city of Krag-an and the evidence of the damage I have done by simply existing.

******

I wake up in the middle of nowhere, terribly thirsty and disoriented.

My eyes burn, and my lips feel like two strips of leather.

Slowly, memories of what happened yesterday begin to build up in my head, and I begin to feel an irrational rage, which quickly changes to anguish and later to terror.

'It's true, I'm cursed... Now... I don't see the point of continuing living anymore.'

The floor where I'm lying face down feels cold, rough, and dry.

Very dry.

However, despite my feelings, it is not that easy to stay still in place and wait for death.

I slowly sit up, sitting on the floor, as I feel my body complaining about the slightest movements.

The sun is close to noon, and its intense glare is a constant nuisance as I try to make my tired mind work.

'I guess I got a magic coma while I was flying away from Gell, and that's why I'm here, in the middle of nowhere.... My health and stamina are at critical levels. Which makes sense if I was unconscious for several days.... My low health must have activated my Survivor skill, and that must have restored my mana. But my health and stamina couldn't recharge, even with my skill, due to the lack of food...'

As soon as I think that, I realize how terribly hungry and thirsty I am.

I quickly take out some dried meat and water from my inventory and start eating in a hurry.

As I eat, I take in the scenery around me.

I see nothing in sight.

No matter which direction I look, there are no animals or signs of people to be seen.

I see only an endless plain interrupted here and there by a few small rocks, parched-looking brown grasslands, and bushes with very few leaves but many thorns.

"Azur..?" I say, and my voice comes out with much effort from my sore throat.

For some reason, I barely feel my companion's presence, but as I try to communicate with him, a buzz of irritation and fury begins to come to me, leaving me bewildered.

The buzzing images of Deirdre come to me, and I quickly understand that Azur does not agree that we have moved away from the city of Krag-an and that he is very irritated by what the personality resulting from the merger between our two minds did.

"What did you want us to do? Do you want to stay and appreciate in more detail what we accomplished by ignoring my suspicions? You didn't like seeing Deirdre's corpse either, did you?" I say, equally irritated, not understanding my companion's anger.

As soon as I utter these words, the buzzing grows in intensity, making it difficult for me to think clearly, but I realize that Azur is refusing to accept the fact that we both witnessed.

"AHH, OF COURSE. I'M SURE THAT, EVEN THOUGH SHE WASN'T BREATHING, SHE WAS ALIVE. BECAUSE NOW WE ARE ALL SUMMONED SPIRITS, AREN'T WE? LISTEN TO ME, DRAGON ASSHOLE. WHEN A LIVING BEING STOPS BREATHING, THAT MEANS THAT THE LIVING BEING IS DEAD. UNDERSTAND?"

I shout, forcing my dry throat, annoyed with Azur for his stubbornness and with myself because a part of me wishes I could believe that Deirdre is alive and that I'm not the one to blame for her death.

"THE FACT THAT YOU'RE NOT REALLY ALIVE PROBABLY DOESN'T ALLOW YOU TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED. BUT, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, THE REALITY IS THIS: DEIRDRE IS DEAD!"

'I've had enough of deluding myself into thinking I can be with people I care about.... I'm someone noxious, and it's best that I stay away.'

At my words, the buzzing lowers in intensity, and I feel Azur's presence very faintly again.

"We can't go back... There's nothing left for us there anyway," I mutter, discouraged by the situation.

I start to feel bad for talking to my partner like that, and the guilt for hurting the one loved one that my curse shouldn't be able to harm irritates me.

I try to summon Azur to make peace so that I can have some more freedom of movement, but it doesn't work....

No matter how hard I try, Azur's body doesn't form....

"Azur? Is this your thing?"

But there is no answer...

'Great! This is how things are going to be, isn't it? Well, it's FINE for me!'

However, as much as I tried to fool myself, it hurts to be at odds with my partner.

But I refuse to let that thought form in my mind because I don't want to give the stupid dragon that satisfaction.

If he doesn't want to communicate, so be it.

Sighing, I pull out a pot, a board, a knife, and other implements and ingredients from my interface and set about preparing something to eat that will be a little more substantial than the beef jerky I ate a few minutes ago to appease my hunger.

I could take something out of the food I already have prepared, but I prefer to prepare something new.

Cooking calms me down... It's funny that I started doing this out of necessity and because it reminded me of Joseph, but now I enjoy the process of combining different ingredients to create something new.

'Let's see... Let's organize my goals...' I think, and I have to make a mental effort to ignore the image of Deirdre that Azur sends me.

'The labyrinth. I want to get to the top floor and get answers; that hasn't changed. And then... there was the orc empire. I'd like to try to do something about this shitty system that treats everyone who isn't an orc like animals. That sure would have pleased Deirdre...' As I think this, I feel Azur's irritation, even though he still refuses to communicate with me.

'What we did in Krag-an City was good, but it's not enough. A more definitive and complete solution is needed.... That leaves me just one direction... The capital of the empire and the emperor. If we were able to conquer the city by defeating Garnuk, nothing tells me I can't do the same with the empire. But... How strong will the emperor be? If it took me this long to defeat the governor of a city, I can't pretend to defeat the emperor as I am now. I need to become stronger. And with that, I am back to the same thing. Always the same. The labyrinth and leveling up. The question is… is there a labyrinth in the capital of the empire? Hmm... I remember that Gell had mentioned that there was one and that the city was called Colosseum City. Anyway, if I am mistaken, I can always ask about it when I get there, plain and simple. But first I'll have to find someone to point me in the direction I need to travel. At the moment, I only know which direction Krag-an is in because of the map on my interface, so I just have to walk in the opposite direction until I find someone.'

I was thinking about all these things while eating, and after eating, I went to sleep.

I don't really feel mentally tired now that I ate and drank, but I think my body needs the rest after so many days being pushed to the limit due to a lack of food and water.

The midday sunlight isn't really a problem, as I simply pull out a tent and sleeping bag from my inventory and lay down to sleep with the same comfortable feeling I had when I was in the luxurious bed in Garnuk's house.

'Yep, my body definitely needs rest badly. Feeling that sleeping on the floor is similar to sleeping in a luxurious bed is proof enough for me that I need to rest.'