06

"I was drunk Isla."

"You really think that you being drunk that night is enough reason to justify what you did? Lasing ka lang nung gabing yun? You gave me tons of sleepless nights because of that.

Yung gustong gusto ko nang matulog kasi pagod na pagod na ako pero hindi ko magawa.

You know, sleeping requires peace. But I can't have peace knowing that I'm not enough"

He shook his. "No hon, you're enough for me. You're more than eno–"

"If I'm enough then why?! Bakit mo ko niloko?! Kasi hindi ko na maintindihan! Iniisip ko na baka may mali sa akin? Baka may kulang? Baka may hindi ako nabigay? Baka dahil dun kaya niya ako niloko?–"

"Hon please stop"

"No, you stop! Stop acting like everything is okay. Stop acting like we can go back to what we were. Because we can't!"

"We can't Iñigo. We just can't"

I take a deep breath, contemplating.

"I am greatly thankful for the years I spend with you." I looked at him "I was my happiest when I'm with you. And it sucks knowing that every beautiful thing that we had already reached its end."

"Thank you for everything Iñigo. Thank you for those four beautiful years. Thank you for making me feel love and for making me know love. This isn't the ending I was expecting for the both of us.

It should be you and me...infront of the altar...exchanging our vows. Saying I do."

Binalik ko sa kanya ang mga pinangako niya sa akin noon. Mga pangakong kahit kailan ay hindi na matutupad.

"But I guess some promises are really meant to be broken huh"

"Isla, I'm really sorry for what I did–"

Umiling ako. "No, please stop saying sorry. Wala na namang magagawa yan. Why don't you start accepting the fact that we reached our end. Our unexpected end?"

"You know what Iñigo, I won't force you to marry Lea kasi hindi naman kita pwedeng pangunahan diyan eh. But please, take the responsibility seriously. Kalimutan mo na lahat ng pinangako mo sa akin. Wag mo na akong isipin. Kaya ko na ang sarili ko.

Think about your child. Think about the future you want for him. Diba galit na galit ka sa daddy mo kasi iniwan niya kayo ng mommy mo? Remember when you told me you'll never going to be like him?

Now prove it. Prove to yourself na hinding hindi ka magiging kagaya ng daddy mo. Kahit yun nalang Iñigo, para sa anak mo."

"I can't marry her. She's not you."

"It won't matter anymore. I won't force you to marry her. It's not my decision to make. Pero para sa anak mo, gawin mo nalang. Give your child a complete family that you wished you had. Be a good father Iñigo."

Umiling siya habang patuloy pa rin sa pag-agos ang mga luha niya. Lumapit siya sa akin at kinulong ako sa mga braso niya.

He hugged me tightly like he was afraid of letting me go. Alam kong alam niya na wala na talaga kami. Na kahit anong gawin niyang pagmamakaawa ay hindi na niya maayos pa ang relasyon namin.

"I can't do this. Ang hirap hirap mo namang pakawalan"

I caressed his hair. This would be the last time na magagawa ko ito. I smelled his perfume, mami'miss ko 'to. I hugged him as tightly as I could. Buti nalang walang ibang tao dito sa simbahan bukod sa amin kundi baka ma-wirduhan sila sa amin.

"Work hard okay? Earn a lot of money, invest well for your child. Wag mo ring iwan si tita. Wag mong kalimutan yung birthday niya alam mo naman yun matampuhin."

He hugged me as tight as he could. Hindi na nga ako makahinga ng maayos pero okay lang. Mahal na mahal ko 'to eh

"Don't skip your meals. Yung annual check up mo next month na yun wag na wag mong kakalimutan yun. Take care of yourself Iñigo cause I couldn't take care of you anymore. Mahal na mahal kita, pero tama na. Kasi ang sakit sakit na"

I tried pushing him away so I could breakfree but he didn't want to let go.

"Five more minutes please" his voice cracked.

I chuckled a bit. Para na akong tanga umiiyak tapos natatawa pa. Gusto ko rin naman kaya pumayag na ako. Five more minutes won't hurt right?

Ganitong ganito siya noon. Tuwing magkasama kami, uupo lang kami sa isang tabi tapos yayakapin niya na ako. Pag sinabihan mo siya na aalis na kayo biglang hihirit ng "five more minutes". Palagi ko siyang pinagbibigyan kasi yun din naman ang gusto ko eh.

Matagal ko na ring inamin na mas clingy siya kaysa sa akin pero mas marupok ako pagdating sa kanya. Wala eh mahal na mahal ko siya.

"Time's up Iñigo. Let go of me now"

He nodded, slowly letting go of me. I stared at him while he was wiping his tears. Pulang pula na ang ilong niya kaka-iyak. Lumilitaw ang pagiging mestizo.

"Tapos na ba talaga?" He asked.

I nodded. He cupped my face and slowly he leaned on me and kiss me gently. This, I must say, is the most painful kiss he had ever given me. Because this kiss symbolizes his surrender. This kiss marked the end. Our end.

***

:)