4.1 - Trust issues?
It's been just a week and Ethan has gone gaga over his promise to me. He's acting like I'm a project and he wouldn't take defeat for this one.
Firstly, I am a human being, not a project. Secondly, I never had anyone care for me this much, it makes me feel weird. It's nice, but new and awkward. It's a new emotion I am feeling.
Usually, I was the caring one in all my friends, I was the gang mom but with him, it's like a safety layer in the atmosphere around me. He makes everything sound so simple as if there is nothing he couldn't solve. I didn't realize when I started being myself around him. Though, most of the time it was me taking out all my frustration on him and all he would do is smile confidently.
His smile! Damn, It was like that of Monalisa, that smile which showed he knew something, something he's proud of but somehow at the same time so mysterious that you just look and keep wondering. Like he just won the lottery or like he was announced the King of the country...so hard to guess what. My anger would burst into laughter whenever he would smile like that. It was becoming really hard for me to be angry at him. We kept bickering all the time. It was like tom and jerry but when he smiled, oh when he did, it would be us laughing our guts out!
Come on Abby, Ice Queen doesn't melt. Can she?
Well, what if the ice heart wants to feel summer instead of winter? Can it melt then? Can it feel the warmth of Spring and joy?
Maybe... we will have to wait and find out.
***
One day, he texted " Abby, do you trust me? Be frank."
I was kind of scared to reply to this because frankly it was not something I thought about so far in all seriousness.
Did I really trust him? Could I? After all trust was a big deal specially for a broken heart . I couldn't just let myself trust someone after Drake left me like that. I trusted Drake for years but in the end he broke it. I know Ethan is not Drake and he is different. My inner goddess is pushing me to trust him. She is telling me I can trust this handsome and cute guy who cares for me.
" We wouldn't be friends if I didn't." I replied diplomatically.
"It doesn't seem so Abby. I know you are friendly but you still don't open up. You are like an ocean of mysteries. Every time I try to decode one, another pops up." His text made me feel numb. He is good with words I must say though. I didn't know how to reply to this. After thinking for a while, I thought of giving him the truth.
"Let's face it then. I might seem like a confident and very caring person but there is a part of me, well a whole lot of me which is a freak show." I said taking a deep breath, letting him know what was in this ocean mind of mine.
"Yes, I trust you, but I don't know how to show it. I was always bad at displaying what I really felt, I am actually great at hiding things like my feelings as you must have seen by now. My advice for others is always perfect but when it comes to me, I'm clueless. I have been in a very rough patch emotionally and I don't want it to happen again and that is why I have trust issues. Happy now?" I let out a sigh and pressed send.
His reply came fast. " Well, it was satisfactory, my lady. At least you are starting to talk about it. So, now that you trust me, in whichever extent it is, you have to tell me how you and Drake grew apart or what was it that broke your friendship."
That question sent shivers through my spine. It had been a while since I thought about it . I never wanted to remember that night we fought. Not today. Not now. I don't think ever. It would bring back so much pain and sorrow.
"Enough for today don't you think? That story we'll leave for some other day." I texted hoping he would not persuade me. Please don't Ethan. I can't cry myself to sleep. I do not think I have any tears left to cry.
"Okay Ms.Trust Issues. It's late. Go get your beauty sleep. Gn8 SD :)"
"Gn8 SD ".
Yeah, yeah, I got used to wishing him good night everyday or else he'd keep pinging me until I did.
And he is very persistent about getting what he wants. Believe me!
The next day I knew he would question me again for sure. But I was not ready. I planned to avoid him all day, hopefully.
The day started well and I was able to avoid him most of the time till he came to me after lunch. We had a free hour as our lecturer was on leave. So, he decided that it would be the best opportunity to talk and we went to the library. Could I have avoided him? Yes, I tried. I tried to be busy with something but he would ask what it is and would breakdown even the most solid excuse. Could I have just gone away with someone else? I tried that too. He came to us, asked to excuse me and pulled me away. I guess there is nothing else to do but to face him now.
We sat down at the last bench away from everyone else, far enough to know we would not be disturbed. He asked me again and I tried to change the topic, tried talking about nature and books but he wouldn't stop frowning at me until I told him the story. God, why is he so stubborn!
"Abby you have 2 minutes to start talking and I'm not listening to any of your stupid excuses." he warned with his serious face. Ugh, fine! fine! fine!
"Fine Mr. Ethan Smith. First, you promise to not pity me. Second, this stays between the two of us only, you will die a horrible death if even a single other soul gets to know this. Third, if I get more depressed and upset after this, I hope you know that it will be your fault. You get that?" I said.
"Yes Abby, I can handle that. Now please start." he said calmly.