4 Chapter 4- I've Always Loved You

--Alexandria POV--

It's been 2 years since I last saw Alpheus and I was 17 years of age now.

He kept to his word and once every few months, a few men would come to the island and give me a new batch of books, food and clothes along with John. Alpheus had even sent a doctor a few times and he gave us a full check-up. Luckily, we were both very healthy.

The last visit was a month ago and also one of the few times that the doctor didn't come.

I was stood, ankle-deep in the ocean as I stared into the distance, wondering what kind of world lay beyond that breath taking horizon.

"Alexa! Time for some training!" John shouted from the border of the trees and I whirled around. My curiosity of what lay ahead, vanishing.

After we trained, washed and eat dinner, John decided to put a few of the books that Alpheus got me to use. We skimmed over the basics on Maths like adding and subtracting and when I mastered that we moved onto timetables and division which I also mastered. So we started something new- Algebra... and I loved it.

"I think that's enough for today. Let's go to bed," He mumbled out and I reluctantly gave in with a pout. John smiled at that as he ruffled my hair but we made our way to the pile of leaves anyway and laid down.

"I'm not tired," I complained, snuggling up closer to him while he ran his fingers through my hair, getting rid of the few knots that were there in the process.

"Very well," He laughed under his breath and I squeezed my eyes shut when he showered kisses all over my face, not stopping until I laughed.

Pulling out a book, he taught me some more maths, this time teaching me the invention of the subject as well as it's many contents and I carefully hung onto everything he was saying. John always told me that I had a talent for remembering even the tiniest details of things that may seem insignificant and therefore I was able to learn things quicker than the average person.

"Algebra was discovered and developed at different times and in different locations, and these discoveries and new ideas eventually came together to give us what we collectively call algebra today..." He drifted off.

"Why did you stop?" I asked, turning my eyes away from the page to look up at him. John snapped out of his thoughts, shaking his head as he covered his mouth and released a small cough.

"Nothing. Let's continue," I gave him a suspicious look but turned back to look at the page anyway as he continued to read. "Muhammad ibn Musa al-Khwarizmi is the most prominent and most important of the Arabic mathematicians and is known as the 'father of algebra' to this day. The word 'algorithm' is taken from the Latin... version of... his... name-"

I jumped up from my sleeping position when John's body began to rack with a fit of coughs as he hunched over, covering his mouth with his hand while he violently continued to cough.

I nervously patted his back, waiting for the coughing to subside but it felt like years before it finally did and when it did, I gave a relieved smile which instantly fell when I caught sight of his hand.

Blood.

That was blood on his hand... but why?

"J-John..." I mumbled out, frightened.

"What's wrong?" I dared to ask, turning to look away from the blood on his hand and to his face which was scrunched up in pain. Did I even want to know?

His eyes were fogged up with un-shed tears and I felt tears of my own forming, knowing that whatever this was, wasn't something good.

No matter how much I was trying to prepare myself, I somehow knew that I wouldn't be able to handle the heart-wrenching news well.

"Tell me... John," I begged with a shaking voice anyway.

And I was right.

I wasn't prepared.

"I'm dying, Alexa,"

***---***---***

John was dying.

My best friend. He was dying.

And he didn't want to be saved.

Two long, heart-wrenching and emotional years have passed since he told me and it seemed that he was only getting worse day by day. I was 19 years old, John was 29 and I had never felt so useless in my life.

Alpheus was a King. He could probably hire someone capable enough to save John if he wanted but John made me promise not to tell a single soul and that included Alpheus and the doctor he had hired to regularly check upon us.

The doctor came a few times since I found out John was ill but John didn't let him do a check-up on him. Last month I had told all the men to stop coming.

They told me Alpheus wouldn't let that happen so I wrote a letter practically begging him not to come ever again. Now that I think about it, I had acted at the moment and don't know why I did that but there's no going back now.

The number of times that I had tried to convince John to not give up was uncountable and his answer never wavered from no.

Apparently, it was malignant. That's all I knew and that's all he was planning on telling me.

Slowly, piece by piece, I could feel my heart breaking and giving up along with him and if this continued any longer then I would end up leaving this world with him.

I was mad at him, beyond mad. His life was precious and I'd be lost without him, John was my everything. He's always saying life without me is incomprehensible and I felt the same but he didn't care, if he did then he wouldn't be leaving me like this.

I didn't want him to go.

All those medical lessons we have had on different diseases and viruses were useless if I couldn't use that knowledge to help save him from death.

He and I were currently on the beach as he rested his head on my thighs, watching the sunset while I held onto his skinny and pale hand.

No matter how angry I was, every time I saw him, the anger would vanish. He used to be so healthy and muscular with his tall height and cast a shadow over my entire being, he was so handsome but now he's like a walking skeleton.

He couldn't eat by himself or walk by himself, he couldn't even sit up properly and always fell onto me. I could feel him drifting away further and further but I was too scared to say anything.

"Alexa," John called. I turned my head away from the setting sun to meet his soft gaze.

"Yes..." I replied, forcing my lips up into a smile. He said he loved seeing me smile and seeing me cry was like a nightmare so I forced myself to smile for him as much as I could, he just didn't know that every time I did that, a part of me was breaking away.

"This may be a lot to ask for but I want you to be happy when I'm gone... I know you want to go to the outside world but because of me you keep denying Alpheus to keep me happy,"

I felt the smile drop. He knew.

If he knew then why didn't he say anything?

"Next time he sends his men, I want you to leave with them," With widened eyes, I opened my mouth to argue against it but he didn't give me the chance.

"I've kept you on this island longer than I should have and you don't deserve that. You should live the rest of your life with other people in a city. Live comfortably, happily and never lose that ethereal smile of yours,"

"But I want to be with you," I felt my eyes well up with tears as he clutched onto my hand.

"As cringy as it sounds, I will be with you- watching over you... but I'm going to do it from a faraway place where it's not time for you to come," He gave me a broken smile, reaching his hand out with great difficulty as he rested it on my cheek.

"I love you with all my heart, my dear Alexa. Live a long and wonderful life. That's my last wish," He continued to smile.

How could you be so selfish, John? I wanted to say but I didn't, I just gulped it all back.

I could see the light that used to shine so brightly in his blue orbs, slowly dimming and felt more tears dripping down my cheeks as they landed on his face but he didn't seem to mind. I had to cherish this moment for this was the last time that I would be able to see the bright, shining blue depths of his orbs.

"Also, I lied to you..."

"Huh,"

"Your name..." He stopped to breathe in a ragged breath of air as I felt my heart jump at his statement. My name wasn't Alexandria? Either that or was it about my surname?

"It's Alexandria Grace Isadora... but you mustn't tell this to anyone if you wish to remain safe. Understand that I lied to you about this to keep you safe. Forgive me... There are other things too in which I lied to you about or simply didn't tell you," He breathed in yet another long, ragged breath.

"What is it?" I hesitantly asked. Did I even want to know?

"Your birth. Your full name. Your true life before the shipwreck... and... and... your family..." What about them? He's my only family, I only needed him.

But he didn't get to finish.

It was too late.

"I've always loved you, Alexa. Much, much more than a mere knight should be allowed," He placed his hands on the back of my neck and pulled my head down.

But before his lips could touch mine, I felt him breathe out his last breath on my lips.

It was a warm last breath but yet it was cold enough to pierce my beating heart.

"John..." I called, waiting to hear the sound of his voice, waiting to hear him reply to his name.

He didn't. There was only the piercing silence. It was as if even nature itself had paused to watch me grieve. To bid farewell to the wondrous soul of my best friend.

"Johnathon..." I wept as his hand slowly slipped down my cheek, falling through the wind before landing on the sand with a deafeningly, heart-shattering thud and with the sound of his hand slapping the sand, my heart broke into a million pieces.

"Please don't leave me..." I brokenly said. "I'm not ready to let you go," I cried.

He didn't open his eyes.

"No. Please... don't leave me yet," I felt myself breaking down as tear after tear rolled down my cheeks. I patted his cheeks, waiting for him to open his eyes but he didn't.

Body racking with sobs, I screamed loudly, hunching over as I berried my face in the crook of his neck, clutching onto his hands which were as cold as the water which was hitting us from the ocean.

He was gone. He really left.

"I don't want you to go," I spoke to myself.

I continued to sit there, crying over his dead body as the wind got heavier. If I knew that this would be the last sunrise that we would watch together then I would've done something more.

I felt something land beside me and turned my head to see Ryder standing beside John's dead body as he pecked at his stomach, almost as if he were telling him to get up and sleep somewhere that wasn't so close to the shore.

"He's gone, Ryder. What am I supposed to do now?" I mumbled out, breathing heavily from all the crying.

Gently stroking my best friends cheek, Ryder and I sat in silence. I wasn't crying, I wasn't screaming, I just sat there- numb to the very core.

But then as the wind got heavier, I stood up, carefully placing his body on the sand as I turned to stare at the horizon which seemed to be calling my name. I just wanted to go away, far away.

I wanted this heavy, uncomfortable and suffocating feeling in my chest to go away. I just wanted to be happy again, to give a genuine smile... but I couldn't do that without John.

So what was the point? Right?

Ryder squawked loudly when he saw me taking slow, hesitant steps closer to the water. He flapped his wings in warning to me but I didn't listen, I just wanted to go away somewhere where I could be alone, to drown in all my sorrows.

And what better place to drown than the ocean?

I was ankle-deep into the water but as I moved further the water rose and for a moment, I stopped when it was knee-deep. Ryder came flying towards me, landing his claws on my shoulder as he pulled me as if trying to take me away from the water. I could feel my skin tearing, the blood that trickled down my shoulders due to his heavy claws and I bit my lip when I felt the tears coming back.

"Ryder. It hurts," I whimpered out.

Then, I took another step forward, then another and that continued until the water stopped at my waist but I continued on until it was up to my chin.

Turning back one last time, I smiled sadly at the dead figure which still lay on the shore.

"Thank you," I smiled.

Then I took another step and felt my legs give out as the water pulled me under.

I was drowning, water pushing past my throat and as I fell deeper into the dark depths of the water, I stared up into the light of the sun rays.

Ryder's panicked shouts were muffled by the water drumming through my ears.

Johnathon Marlowe was my first memory... and he's also my last.

Then, I closed my eyes.

Giving in to the pain.