32 The Dawn of Hope

Eventually, the questions needed to be asked.

"You weren't reborn in this world," Eren asked with a frown.

"No," Mikasa denied, leaning against his side. "Serafall told me my coffin appeared in front of her one day with a note to reincarnate me."

"...And she just did it," Eren asked in disbelief, arm tightening around her at the mention of her death.

"Serafall is... impulsive sometimes. She did have Adjuka examine me first."

"Beelzebub?" 

Eren's face took on an odd expression as if he didn't know what to think about her casual acquaintance with some of the most powerful beings in this new world.

"Yes," Mikasa nodded casually. 

She understood the surprise, but really, all four Satans were very different from what their reputation portrayed them as. 

After Adjuka examined her and discovered her genetic makeup was different from that of humans in this world, he was just as excited as Serafall about her reincarnation. The only question was if she would even be able to come back, as she had been dead for over a day, according to his examination. 

Usually, that was out of the time limit the Evil Pieces had to bring people back after they died.

Mikasa remembered those first few hours as a hazy mess. A confusing jumble of questions, arguments, threats, and explanations.

Adjuka had theorized that she was from beyond the Dimensional Gap, thanks to her different genetics, the complete absence of magic, and the lack of any unified history they could agree on.

Devils had been around for tens of thousands of years and had no record of Eldia or Titans.

Mikasa hadn't wanted to believe everything she heard and demanded to be brought to the closest thing she recognized to home. 

Paradis Island, or Madagascar on their upside-down map, had seemed like the best place to start looking.

"That's..." Eren sighed. "I wasn't like that. I was fully reborn as a baby. I ended up in an orphanage in a small town in Africa. Everything was hazy, and my memories were fuzzy till I turned six. Fragmented, like half-remembered dreams. One day, they weren't. That's when I fully remembered and... when I regained my power."

It was Mikasa's turn to tighten her grip on the boy, reminded of their limited time together.

"I should have looked harder," Mikasa said lowly, shame and anger at herself filling her.

"You had no way of knowing I was alive," Eren denied. "Or that I was a child. I might not have recognized you those first years anyway, and I hadn't transformed yet, so I didn't have any marks for you to recognize either."

Mikasa knew Eren was making sense, but that didn't stop her from feeling like she had failed. Maybe she could have saved him if she had found Eren before he turned into a Titan for the first time.

"After that, I became a solder," Eren continued. "A mercenary."

"What?" Mikasa asked, agahst.

Even now, in this new world, Eren still hadn't been able to live a peaceful life?

"You don't need to worry about me," Eren sighed. Despite herself, Mikasa felt her lips quirk at the familiar argument. "There weren't a lot of options for kids in that part of the world at the time. And I was fighting other humans. Mostly with guns. With my healing, I wasn't in any danger unless they got extremely lucky and hit my nape."

Once more, Mikasa was reminded about just how bullshit the Shifters had been. Slit throats, amputated limbs, even heads cut in half. None of it was fatal unless the spine at the nape of the neck was severed. 

If that didn't happen, they'd just heal from everything eventually.

One of the greatest terrors of Titans was the sheer difficulty of killing them. Even dumb ones were pretty much immortal for most humans until they discovered their weaknesses and gained the technology to fight them.

"... Eventually, I made enough money to retire," Eren continued after a moment of thought. "Travelled the world a bit and ended up here in Kuoh a year ago."

"Did you..." Mikasa hesitated, unsure how to word the question or if she wanted it answered. "Did you tell Sona to keep you hidden?"

"No?" Eren tilted his head in confusion. "You asked about it earlier. Why would I?"

"... No reason," Mikasa said lowly.

Oh, Satans, Sona really had been hiding Eren from her and Serafall because she liked him, hadn't she?

And it was apparent Eren wasn't healthy by how thin he was, so that must have been what she was talking about when she mentioned he would die soon.

Sona liked Eren, maybe even loved him.

How would she take Mikasa's presence?

That she and Eren had... kissed?

Mikasa wanted to die of embarrassment when she realized she had been giving romantic advice to her honorary niece, using her past situation with Eren as an example. 

They had been talking about the same boy without ever realizing it.

Eren could never know.

It hit Mikasa, then.

Sona.

What was Sona thinking now, after Mikasa had interrogated her like that and disappeared? Was she thinking her fears had come true and Mikasa would attack Eren?

Then another thought hit her, and Mikasa paled.

Serafall.

She had been there with her sister. She knew where Eren was. She might not know 'who' he was to Sona, but her curiosity would not stop until it was sated.

And then Eren would die, Titan powers or not.

Mikasa needed to get back to the Underworld as soon as possible.

"I didn't know who Sona was at first," Eren said as Mikasa had a silent panic attack. "She used a fake name."

"She wanted to stand on her own two feet," Mikasa nodded absently, mind going a mile a minute on how to save Eren from turning into a frozen corpse. "Didn't want to rely on her sister's reputation for her dream."

"She's going to be a fine teacher. She's already been teaching me Japanese," Eren nodded slowly. "Her and Rias. It's made my life a bit easier since I moved here."

Mikasa's mind ground to a halt.

"...Rias? Rias Gremory?"

Mikasa might be able to save Eren from Serafall since they were best friends but from Sirzechs Lucifer?

Eren was doomed.

Unless... Maybe she could get Grayfia to control her husband if she took that job at the Ministry of Internal Affairs?

"Yeah," Eren sighed. "I recognized her name right away. But she is... nothing like I'd imagined the sister of Lucifer to be like. Neither of them are."

"We will be free," Rias declared to the world, eyes firm with purpose. "And we will destroy all who try to take that freedom from us."

"What..." Mikasa's throat was suddenly dry. "What are you planning with them?"

Was this to be another Falco and Gaby situation?

In an attempt to understand Eren better, Armin had tried to piece together all his actions near the end. He had started at the end and worked his way back.

Obviously, Eren needed Falco to become the Jaw Titan for them to be able to stop him, and Falco's ability to fly was only possible thanks to drinking Zeke's tainted spinal fluid and gaining traces of the Beast Titan. 

At the same time, Eren needed Gaby to shoot him so everyone could discover the source of the Titans, as it erupted from his neck when he could finally connect to the Paths.

It had been little consolation that Sasha's death had gained Eren the pieces he needed to achieve his final goal of wiping out all Titans from the earth, though it had explained his reaction to the news.

And it had all started when a disguised Eren had started to meet a young boy on a bench much like this one.

Was that tragedy going to repeat itself here?

"Planing?" Eren asked in turn, looking at her in confusion. "With them? Nothing. I had no plans on meeting them or getting involved with devil society."

Mikasa let out a quiet sigh of relief. She didn't think Eren was lying to her.

"Then why did Rias say that?"

"Say what?"

"There's this... ceremony in the Underworld. Young noble devils state their dreams to the world. Rias stated her dream was to be free."

"Huh," Eren leaned back, looking at the sky as he stared upwards, obviously nonplussed at the news. "It's a good dream."

"She reminded me of you," Mikasa admitted.

"Those kids reminded me of us," Eren agreed slowly. "All of us. Not the same, but it was close enough that I couldn't stop myself from getting involved. I didn't tell her to say that, though."

"What have you been talking about?"

"Anything? Everything?" Eren shrugged, but there was a helplessness to it. "This world... It might not be a hell like ours, but people are the same. Devils are worse because they have more power and live longer, but humans are no different. I saw it all when I was a mercenary. Murder. Rape. Theft. Terror. Oppression. All of it committed by humans on humans. Ideals. Race. Religion. Power. Greed. The same reasons as in our world. Magic, gods, and devils have not changed humanity in the least. And I..."

Eren trailed off, and Mikasa heard wood creak. Looking down, she realized Eren was holding a cane.

A cane engraved with the blue and white Wings of Freedom.

"For some reason, those kids like listening to me ramble," Eren said as he ran his fingers over the handle. "I just thought... 'I don't want these kids making the same mistakes we did. That I did.'"

"Do you regret it?"

For a long moment, there was silence on the bench after Mikasa's question.

"...I have so many regrets," Eren admitted. "But I'd do it again. Because I really don't know of any other way. Maybe Armin could have figured something out, but I... I was just an idiot drunk on power and blood, no different from anyone else."

"He couldn't," Mikasa said, and Eren looked at her. "He couldn't find another way. He tried to think of one for years, but he couldn't."

"Huh."

"The problem was Ymir," Mikasa explained, dredging up old memories of long nights of Armin's ramblings on theories and speculations. She didn't remember even half, but a few key points stood out. "When she became the first titan, the Paths were created. Nothing before that could be changed, only the future. But, without other titans, there was nothing to destroy that worm, even if she cut her own head off. The only way to destroy the Paths, to be free, was to spread her bloodline. So she went back to Fritz, knowing what would happen."

"She loved him," Eren denied. "I don't know why, but Ymir loved Fritz. After everything he had done and would do, she still loved him. I know that for certain."

"...Love is irrational. It doesn't care about pain. It doesn't care about what is right. All it cares about is what you feel."

The pair remained silent momentarily before Mikasa continued with Armin's theory.

"She could have loved him because she saw their future together if her powers worked like yours. Or maybe she fell in love because of the children they'd have, and she wanted them." 

"Loving someone because you saw your future together? It's possible."

"It doesn't matter," Mikasa pressed on, not liking Eren's tone of voice. "The problem was that, after Ymir died and Eldians started to spread, nobody among the Nine wanted to eliminate Titans. They were the source of their power and empire. For two thousand years, Ymir waited for someone who would free her from the Paths."

"Me."

"The Attack Titan is unique," Mikasa nodded grimly. "Because it sends memories back, rather than forward like all the others, the last Attack Titan will be the one to decide the future." 

"Was the Attack Titan always moving forward, chasing freedom? Or was I doing that, and it was just my tool, and all my predecessors thought my will was the titan's?" Eren asked himself in realization. Shaking his head in wonder, he murmured, "That's just like Armin. I never thought of it that way."

"When Ymir created the Nine, she set the Attack Titan loose to guarantee an end," Mikasa continued to explain Armin's theory with a smile, glad to be able to share something about their best friend. "The other seven, apart from the Founder, were the tools needed for that end."

"And she needed you because the Founder couldn't alter your memories," Eren nodded, adding his own part to the theory.

"... Probably," Mikasa said, uncomfortable talking about her own role in the end of the titans. About what she had to do to free both Ymir and Eren. "She needed both of us, in that specific circumstance, for her to have her revenge, be free, and ensure her descendants would continue to live on after she was gone."

"It's a good theory," Eren nodded. "It might even be true. I can't say for sure since my mind was such a mess at the time. But in the end, it doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters," Mikasa argued. "Don't you get it? Ymir was the cause of everything. From the first titan to the Rumbling. Everything."

"No."

Eren's voice was so firm, so unbending, that Mikasa flinched.

"I understand," Eren continued more softly. "It would be easy to blame Ymir. To make theories or excuses. Nobody wants to be guilty. I don't. But I am."

"If you are, we all are," Mikasa argued just as softly. "We all put so much on you—our hope, our dreams, our sins. We were the ones to benefit from the Rumbling, not you. You died, Eren. You died. And we lived."

"I am glad for it," Eren hugged her tightly. She wanted to cry again, but she was all out of tears. She just felt wrung out. "Armin might be right. Ymir might have set things up so that someone who hated titans would be the last Attack Titan. She might have known that a suicidal blockhead like me would rather die than continue living in a world with them. She might have known about the Rumbling from the first second she emerged from that tree. It doesn't matter. Ymir might have created the situation, but my choice was mine."

"You were trapped," Mikasa tried to argue. "You couldn't change the future."

"I trapped myself."

Silence.

"I tried to change the future because I didn't want to die," Eren confessed softly. "Because I didn't want to have to kill all those people. Because I hoped the Rumbling wasn't the only solution. I looked. For years, I looked. But it was the choice I'd make. Not just because of Ymir or because I wanted to wipe out the titans but because I wanted that future. I wanted it so bad. I wanted a world without titans, where my friends got to live, where my home wasn't under threat, and where I had my revenge. I wanted a blank slate."

Eren's eyes stared blankly out over the park, at the trees and the city beyond.

"I chose that future. That's why it trapped me."

It was like he was staring at a world trampled flat once more.

"I just didn't want to die and kill so many people for that future. I couldn't change the future because I didn't want to change it. Deep down, I am that monster, that Devil. I chose death and all those sins rather than miss out on a future that I wanted."

All excuses, theories, or reasonings were irrelevant. Only actions counted.

Whether it was because Ymir had set things up that way, because of a thirst for vengeance, or to ensure his friends a long and happy life, it didn't matter.

Eren Yeager had made his choices.

He had died with them, and now he must live with them.

So must Mikasa.

They sat together in silence for minutes, lost in memories of a faraway world.

Mikasa eventually tore herself out of her funk and realized with some surprise that they hadn't been interrupted by an angry Serafall.

She had wholly forgotten after they had started talking about their past.

Honestly, Mikasa didn't want to leave, even if only to calm down her King and her honorary niece.

What if Eren disappeared again?

It did bring up a question, though.

"How do you know about devils and Peerages?"

"...I got offered one, once."

"Really?" Mikasa asked with some surprise. "Who? Sona or Rias?"

"Some King from one of the lesser-known pillars," Eren shrugged casually. "In one of my jobs, I ended up fighting Griselda Quarta." 

Mikasa's eyes widened, and her arms tightened around Eren. Even she had heard of that woman. 

"I took her by surprise, injuring her pretty badly. The devil had been following my career for a few years and decided to offer me a place in his Peerage. Explained everything to try and convince me. He wouldn't take no for an answer. It was the first time I transformed in this world."

Obviously, Eren had won the fight, but he had been lucky. Some devil bloodlines would have made minced meat out of him, titan or not. The only reason Mikasa was even a credible threat to anyone of significance was because she was fast and precise. 

In a straight fight, one where she didn't have an element of surprise, she had no confidence against even the most basic of Ultimate class beings.

"I ran into a few other supernatural factions after that," Eren explained grimly. "I didn't like them, and they didn't like me. Most don't think highly of humans, so I ended up avoiding those I didn't want to have to fight and kill."

"I've noticed that as well," Mikasa sighed. "The perspective is different. So few supernatural races can die of old age. Many of their leaders have been around for thousands. They have powers humans don't, live so long, and know much more. If it weren't for Sacred Gears, nobody would see humans as anything more than playthings and tools, except for a few magicians or skilled people."

"I understand that," Eren acknowledged with a grim line in his mouth. "I know there is a reason. I can't imagine living for longer than titans existed and seeing regular people the same way. But just because there's a reason doesn't mean that reason matters. I know humanity isn't better or that the supernatural races are worse. I know it varies from person to person. But the system is imbalanced. Even Sacred Gears can't make up the difference in time and power. Especially since devils could enslave humanity's best with the Evil Pieces."

Mikasa didn't like the parallels Eren was drawing.

"They can do some good," she pointed out. "If not for Serafall, we wouldn't be here. Together."

Eren didn't have anything to say to that.

They lapsed into silence again, but this time, Eren broke it.

"Tell me about it," he suddenly said. "About what happened after I died."

Where to even begin?

"It was a mess," she eventually started. "The titans were gone, and the Rumbling was stopped, but we had to convince the survivors of that. And so many people had died. Everyone had lost someone. Most had lost everything. Just getting enough food for everyone was a challenge during those first few years. And the Yeagerists didn't make things easy. They used to drive Historia mad, complaining that they should finish the job you started."

"Sorry," Eren said, his voice laden with guilt. "I needed help, and the military was pushing for Historia to turn and get the Founder back in Royal hands. They wouldn't help me if I asked."

"...I know," Mikasa's voice was sombre, memories of fighting and killing old comrades filling her mind. People she had known since her cadet days. "Eldia wasn't without injuries either. All the titans had to pass by somewhere, and many of ours died, too. Our government was also a mess, between the loss of most military and political leaders. Those first few years were spent trying to gather information and clean up. Only after people were certain there were no more titans did the remaining nations and the Yaegerists start to make trouble."

"I see." There was pain in Eren's voice. 

Pain and shame, but no surprise. 

Even from a young age, he had known that not even a common enemy could unite people. His hope that the Rumbling and his death would change things had been naive.

"You left them so much work," Mikasa admitted. "Not that I was much help. I retired right away. They never blamed me, but I sometimes wish I had been strong enough to help with the peace and rebuilding efforts." 

"Sorry."

"In the end, they managed it though. Historia and Armin mostly, but the others helped them. While fights and resentment never really went away, by the end, there hadn't been a war since the Rumbling."

"That's something, at least," Eren sighed in relief. "I am sorry to have left so much for you all to do. I just... there was no perfect solution. No timeline where everything ended happily for everyone. I looked, but I couldn't find one. I had to make a choice."

"We know," Mikasa agreed tiredly. 

Despite everything, all the terrible things he had done and all the confusion leading up to it, none of them had ever doubted Eren's motivations in the end.

Maybe it would have been easier to get over him if he had just been the monster he had tried to convince her he was.

Maybe then she could look back at the lie he told her in their last meeting and believe those terrible words.

"Despite all the work and trouble, we were happy. By the time I died, we had rebuilt a large part of the world. Eldia was thriving, and thanks to everyone's efforts, so was the rest of the world. We were protecting our future."

"I suppose that's all I can ask for," Eren's relief was more than palpable. Then he shifted in his seat awkwardly, and Mikasa recognized that he was embarrassed about something. "What about... What about everyone? Specifics, I mean."

...Right.

Mikasa understood what he was asking about but didn't know how to start.

"Armin and Annie ended up getting married," she said, delaying a bit. "They had two kids, Erwin and Hange. Erwin actually ended up marrying Ymir, Historia's daughter. They were still ruling Eldia when I passed but were considering retiring."

"That's great," Eren said, genuine happiness for his best friend in his voice. "I was worried about him, but Annie and he must have balanced each other. I wish I could have seen it. And... Historia? She was happy?"

Mikasa took a deep breath.

Even to this day, she didn't know for sure, but she had always had her suspicions about Ymir's actual father. Historia's pregnancy and Ymir's birth had just been too perfectly timed.

But there had never been any proof, one way or the other, as the baby had inherited almost all her traits from her mother, not her father, whoever it was.

In the end, Mikasa decided it was for the best that she didn't know, so she never asked.

If she was wrong, she would just hurt others, and if she was right, she would just hurt herself.

Besides, Eren hadn't used the Founder's power until coming into contact with Zeke. That had to mean something.

"She was," Mikasa nodded. "I think they came to love each other. And she loved Ymir. Kept complaining about you, though, since you left her so much work."

"Did Reiner's crush ever go away?" Eren asked with some schanderfreude.

"No," Mikasa sighed with fond exasperation. "He was never married, but he did have a few lovers here and there. I don't think he had it in him, not after everything. Falco and Gabi did end up together, though. Four kids."

"I see," Eren nodded in understanding. "I'm happy for him. How'd Connie do? Captain Levi?"

"Connie was... Connie. He didn't get married either, but he was happy. While Historia was dealing with the problems at home and Armin was acting as a diplomat, Connie led the survey teams to find survivors and resources after the Rumbling. The midget was too angry to let his injuries stop him, even if he couldn't go into the field. After most of the rebuilding was done, he led the training of new cadets."

"What about Armin's other child, Hange? How'd they turn out?"

Mikasa realized they were both dancing around the issue. 

The words going unsaid.

Eren did want to know everything about his former colleagues, but there was a question that burned more than any other that he didn't know how to ask.

Or if he wanted it answered at all.

But Mikasa knew what silences like this could cost.

Eren deserved to know.

"She," Mikasa said, unsure how to continue but knowing she needed to. "She became a doctor with her husband... Childhood friends who had the same dream and ended up together. They were happy together, too, her and Grisha."

"Gri-," Eren swallowed thickly at the name. "Grisha?"

"My son," Mikasa said softly.

"I..." Eren took a deep breath, his voice thick. "I see. Grisha. It's a good name. And you ended up being in-laws with Armin? I should have guessed as much."

Mikasa didn't say anything as Eren's ramble trailed off into silence.

"...Who?" He eventually asked, his voice thick.

They both knew who. It had been the one Eren hadn't asked about.

Mikasa answered anyway.

"Jean."

"Horseface?" Eren barked in disbelief, but his hands were tight around his cane. "You could have done so much better."

"...We were happy together."

"You better have been! If that bastard didn't do everything to make you happy, I'll go back and beat him up again!"

Eren's words were strong, but his figure remained hunched, and his knuckles white around his cane.

"Eren?"

"I'm glad you were happy," Eren bit out, not looking at her. "I am. I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to forget about me. I wanted you to burn that scarf."

"Eren?"

"I have no right to be jealous. Not after so long. Not after wanting you to move on. Not after I did the same." 

'Did the same?' 

There was someone Eren... loved?

Was Sona's crush not unrequited after all? Or was it someone else?

It had been nineteen years. And Eren had no idea Mikasa was in this world.

It wasn't surprising he might have... been with someone. Might have developed feelings.

Mikasa had no right to feel jealous.

So why...

"So why do I feel like this?" Eren gasped, shoulders shaking. "You deserve to be happy. After everything I put you through, you deserve someone that will make you happy. So why am I still such a pathetic hypocrite?"

Mikasa didn't have an answer to that either, for she felt something similar.

Eren deserved to find someone he could love, too. Someone who wasn't as emotionally stunted as her. Someone who could tell him her feelings without holding back.

So why did Mikasa want to find this woman and rip her to shreds?

She knew why. 

She, unlike Eren, had eighty years to grow and learn about herself and her feelings.

Love didn't care about hypocrisy.

Love just cared about what you felt.

That didn't make it easier to deal with.

"I waited ten years," Mikasa eventually said. Were her words for Eren or herself? "I grieved for you for ten years. And I never really moved on. I couldn't. Just because I got married doesn't mean I could forget."

Eren froze.

"...What did Armin tell you?"

It took Mikasa a moment to understand what the question meant.

"About your talk in the Paths, right?" Eren's whole body shivered at her question. "Everything."

"... I'm gonna kill him. I'm going to find him and kill him."

"He was drunk," Mikasa defended their friend, but there was a slight smile on her face. "It was Grisha and Hange's wedding. He told me he was glad he kept your talk a secret since things turned out so well. I got the full story out of him the next day with Annie's help."

"...Annie found out?" Eren asked in horrified disbelief, looking up and meeting her gaze with red-rimmed eyes.

They were distracting themselves, they knew, but they needed the distraction. Neither was sure how to continue, not after their words and their kiss.

Feelings were still there, still as confusing as ever. Love, joy, jealousy, it all roiled in their guts, just as it always had.

Both were still not the greatest when it came to expressing emotions. So, they continued to distract themselves.

"They all did by the end," Mikasa nodded, feeling some vindication and a hint of embarrassment. "She told the others at the fiftieth anniversary of the Battle of Heaven and Earth... That's what it ended up being called, our fight with you. We were trading stories, and it just came out."

"... I need to go back and finish the job. Letting you all live was a mistake."

Mikasa realized something as Eren clenched his fists in anger, staring into nothing as if he could see their old comrades laughing and joking at his expense.

Eren was free.

Free of all the expectations and hopes they had heaved on him.

Free of a future he couldn't change and a past he was forced to watch repeat.

There were no walls here.

And that freedom allowed hints of the boy he had once been to return.

And that gave Mikasa an idea.

They had so little time together. But even if they didn't get the long, happy life they wanted, Mikasa wanted Eren to be happy in what time they did have.

He deserved it.

"Eren."

"...Yeah?" Eren asked with trepidation at the firmness of her voice and the directness of her stare.

"Hold on."

"Wha-"

Eren almost lost his cane as Mikasa grabbed him under his arms, pulling him to his feet.

With speeds that the average human couldn't follow, she activated the minor illusion and hypnosis device Adjuka had given her when she needed to go to the human world.

Then Mikasa spread her wings and took off.

Eren's eyes were wide, mouth open as he gazed at the clouds around them.

Mikasa held Eren firm in her arms, carrying him through the azure skies over Kuoh.

Neither said a word as a devil's wings carried them like a song through the air. 

Eren eventually relaxed, letting her carry him. 

He spread his arms wide as if they were his own wings.

They flew, free of the burdens below.

The city, the mountains, and the bench disappeared as they flew together like birds in the sky.

By the end, almost an hour later, they both returned to the cold reality of the ground.

Yet on both their faces were the tiniest hints of smiles. Smiles of joy. Of contentment. Of beauty. Of freedom. Of reunion. 

Both returned with their shoulders and hearts a little lighter.

Love didn't care about reality or logic. 

It didn't care that you tried to move on or that decades had passed.

All it cared about was the feelings held fast in the chests of those two found souls as they regained their breath on the bench.