Chapter - 4

It was in the fall of his junior year when he noticed that Yo-kun was masturbating.

Around that time, I was trying to sleep after watching him fall asleep.

But I was in bed before 10 o'clock, and he seemed to be staying up a little later, which was quite embarrassing.

I was looking at the other side of the curtain, thinking that it would feel good to sleep after seeing his sleeping face.

Then I realize it's still before 10:00 and he's turning off the light and crawling into bed.

This is an opportunity. Let's capture the moment he falls asleep.

Despite my somewhat excited observations, he only tosses and turns, unable to sleep.

It's cooler now, and it's not the season for sleeping, so why is he doing this?

After watching with his "eyes" for a while, he threw off the covers, got up, and turned on the light.

He was worried that he couldn't sleep...or that something was bothering him.

Suddenly, he pulled down his pajama pants. Pants first.

My "eyes" went wide. Of course, it's a metaphor, but it really felt like that.

When I'm resting in my room, I'm used to scratching my crotch, scratching my butt, and for some reason sniffing under my armpits and behind my legs, but I've never seen him pull down his pants and expose it.

I half-stop thinking and reach for what he's starting to expose.

I had seen it many times before. But I never thought that the phenomenon of "erection" could be so amazing.

His seemed to be separate from his normal one, as if he had begun to bring out the animal inside him.

Very slowly, with the familiar teasing of his fingers, stretching his skin. A movement that didn't feel awkward, like a routine.

In fact, it was a routine. It just happened to start earlier that day than usual.

It was just that it was always done at a time after I had gone to bed...

I had heard the word "masturbation" and knew what it was, but I was shocked to see Yo-kun doing it.

It's natural that he's a boy, he's conscious of me as the opposite sex, and if he wants me, he won't hesitate.

But that was it. When what I was only inputting as knowledge was performed in front of my "eyes" (although I didn't think I was watching), I was greatly agitated and my thinking became completely blank.

This is also not to be seen...The distant appeal of reason rang out.

However, I couldn't take my "eyes" away from Mr. Yo's secret place, which was being teased by his moving fingers.

That feeling of wanting to do something else when you know you should be studying for the exam was reinforced a hundredfold.

Yo-kun closed his eyes tightly and continued to move his fingers.

Silently. Silently.

... You know, Yo-kun.

What or who do you have in your mind

... in your mind?

As the gap in my thinking was filled, it wasn't excitement that came quickly, but emptiness and sadness.

Here I am, looking at you, feeling you.

I can't reach it. No matter how much I stretch out my hand, I can't reach anywhere.

I can't help but feel like I want to cry, like I want to vomit out my desires without words, like I'm exhausted, like I want to cry out the process.

No matter how far away I can see, I can't see into his head, which is right there.

I can only watch, not knowing what he's thinking.

──I wanted to reach out and touch him.

It was self-evident that I had to stir him into action, but I didn't have a concrete plan yet.

I couldn't go straight to confession if I thought that Yo-kun's lack of response wasn't just because he was dull, but that he knew and was deliberately keeping his distance from me....

Yo-kun, I like you──I muttered it in my heart a thousand times, tens of thousands of times.

There were times when it was almost on my tongue.

But I was afraid of rejection, so I always took a back seat.

Even if I tried, I didn't have enough material to guess the odds.

I had confidence in myself.

I'd gotten a few confessions from guys other than Yoh-kun, and he'd been glancing at my body.

It can't be that he's not interested at all, and it can't be that he's not conscious of it at all.

Even if I couldn't determine to what extent he thought he wanted me, or if his interest in the unspecified girl just happened to be directed at me.

It didn't really matter either way. It didn't matter that he was looking at me not as Kurumi Ayase, but as a girl who was very close to him.

As long as he didn't see another child, that was enough for me.

If she doesn't look at other children──?

Ah, what's...something as simple as that.

I laughed, feeling like I finally had a policy.

I just need to get Yo-kun to cut off all contact with girls other than me.

With his uncontrollable libido, he may be thinking, "Any girl is good."

Like a choice problem, you can't predict where Yo-kun's mind will go if there are several candidates, but if you put him in a situation where he can't deepen his relationship with a girl other than me, he will naturally see me as the only candidate.

Because when there's only one option, anyone will choose it.

Seal off his relationships. Put him in an invisible cage.

That's what I worked hard on when I was in middle school.

When he switched seats, he made sure to sit next to Yo-kun by facing the "eye" of the lottery.

It was the best position to feel close to him, but it was also the best position to repel girls who approached him.

Monitoring behavior is a given.

Even if he's with another child when she's not around, she'll pounce on him under the guise of coincidence.

I never let him have a girlfriend with whom he would exchange cell phone numbers.

There's no power in just watching, and there's no power in taking action.

I always had the reassurance that I was watching him.

I didn't have to worry about whether he was doing something bad somewhere that I didn't know about, so I could relax.

I had been living in a carefree state of mind, believing that Yo-kun, who was suffering from unsatisfied masturbation, would eventually settle down with me.

That sense of security and relaxation may have been the problem.

I graduated from junior high school while I was in the middle of the Earth War.

──This can't continue. I must take more active measures.

My growing frustration and anxiety eventually led me to sneak into my grandfather's room, a police officer, and procure a pair of handcuffs.

Using the right pretext, I tried to lure him into the room.

He realized that repeated masturbation was not good for his body.

I couldn't hide the fact that I was doing it for his sake.

I was embarrassed to be the one to do it, and it bothered me that it seemed like I was tainting his free will, but there's definitely affection here, and I'm sure he'll be satisfied in the end, so it's not really a crime. Yes, perfect morality.

However, no matter how much I urged him, Yo-kun refused to come up to the room.

I realized that he's no longer at the age where he can come and go as he pleases.

Alas, if only I had done it sooner...

I can't help but regret it.

But I can't give up, so the handcuffs are still in the keyed drawer.

Everyone around me sees me as Mr. Yo's girlfriend.

Unfortunately, Yo-kun denies it, but the encirclement that has formed must have been a kind of pressure.

But now it's starting to burst.

"Hey, Kurumi. There's this stupid rumor going around that your boyfriend is cheating on you with a first grader."

"Yoh-kun is cheating on me, no way."

I responded to Azusa's worries with a forced smile, but I couldn't be in a mild mood.

I can't even hear sounds with my clairvoyance. But I can read lips, if only a little.

"I like you," "I want you," "I want you," - I hope I'm not mistaken.

Araki-Maya is a small and adorable underclassman who looks like a princess in a faraway land.

She's characterized by her cold and heartless behavior towards boys, but that doesn't make her feel any less safe.

Yo-kun has a knack for knocking down cheeky girls...just like me.

Just as I was thinking that I should prepare myself and get the words down quickly, I was overtaken by a narrow margin.

I wonder if I can get it in now. Yeah, I'll get it in.

With what?

A nail.

I want to put a nail in those blue eyes. I want to put a nail in that high nose.

I want to fill her face with nails, nails, nails.

"Oooh. Kurumi's expression... is kind of scary."

"Really?"

It's lunchtime, so we head to Yo-kun's classroom with our lunchboxes at our sides.

Eating together is part of our daily routine. No one can interrupt us.

We reach the front of the classroom. I peek inside through the open doorway.

There she is. She's standing next to him, holding his hand.

My body temperature drops. My mouth feels like it's going to harden. I don't know why.

Hey, Araki. Did you get anyone's permission to be so close to him?

Do you even realize that you have a person called me, and you're playing pranks on me?

Even jokes become laughable when they cross the line.

"...ahhhh."

It was strange to think that I couldn't laugh, but still cringe.

The anger or hatred was clear, but the feeling of wanting to start laughing kept rising.

I've been waiting for the opportunity to say "I like you" for so long, and I missed it.

I'm fumbling with Yo-kun's warm hand that only I could hold.

If I'm going to let this happen to me, I can't... stand still, can I?

You don't care what it takes, do you?

Until now, I've been hesitant because I was afraid it would ruin my relationship with Yoh-kun, but──I'll take the plunge now.

Once I decided to do so, I felt a sense of liberation and fulfillment, as if I had finally become my true self.

It was as the Bible says: "Dust to dust, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, garbage to garbage.

The importance of cleaning permeates the body. Even if it's a skill, I don't shy away from it.

For example, cutting off a relationship that is more like a germ than a germ. Ahhhh.

I'd also cut off his vocal cords so he can never make that sweet voice that seduces Mr. Yo again.

Woohoo... but I know where the vocal cords are...

Because I can see them.