Oh man! I got one down there ! {BL}

When life gives you lemons? Deal with it and make lemonade, right? But what if life gives you a d*ck instead of your initial vag*na ? Are you supposed to say nothing and deal with it too? Well, screw those afterlife staff who scammed her into a redo of her first life ! Her goal would stay the same ! She wasn’t about to give up on dating for such an unimportant detail like gender. She would get to experience love even if she died (again) trying! And if that meant creating gay-panic everywhere she went, well so be it ! And she absolutely hated ice creams now. It was a fact.

TheBluePeanut · LGBT+
Not enough ratings
4 Chs

How she got scammed into a re-do of her existence

She hated waiting rooms.

They were stuffy, awkward and quiet.

She hated being stuck with strangers in a confined space.

It was plain uncomfortable.

She hated having to wait for her number to be called out.

How come the calling speed only seemed to decrease when approaching her number ?

And how come the other booth next to her appointed one seemed to call out numbers faster ?

Gosh. She hated waiting rooms.

The TV wasn't even on to distract her.

And a kid was currently chewing on the remote.

Ew. Germs.

Not touching that.

She slumped even more in her plastic chair and grumbled under her breath.

How long had she been waiting in this room ? Days ? Weeks ? Probably a few centuries.

She wouldn't be surprised if the sun had exploded and Humankind had migrated to another planet by now.

Dang. She would kill to be able to see aliens.

Oh. That moldy shape on the ceiling kinda looked like an alien face.



She swore the middle-aged man in line before her was telling his whole life story to the clerk right now !

Oh ! And here he was, cracking up jokes now !

Couldn't he see that she was losing her wits right now ?

How she wished to close her fingers around that plump neck and squeeze so hard that-

"Number 125689²⁴⁴ !"

Her number ! Finally !

She jumped from her chair as if her bottom was on fire and half-ran to the booth.

"Hi !" she called out to the clerk, a pretty woman with beautiful red locks, sharp canines and a pointy horn in the middle of the forehead.

Her looks would rock at a Halloween party.

"Name ?"

"Chloe Lee".

She typed that into her research tool bar.

"Age ?"

Some kind of file popped up on the clerk's monitor with her face on it on.

"18 years old"

A skeptical look passed on the clerk's face as a worry line drew on her forehead.

"Unbelievable…" she whispered in shock.

Thinking she did not believed her, the adolescent rectified.

"Ok ! Not really 18. More like 17, 11 months and a half. But it's the same right !" she started rambling. " I swear I did not mean to drink before reaching adulthood at that party ! It was an accident! It got mixed with my apple juice! I swear ! Please, I beg you don't deduct points for that, I won't have much left if you do, I-"

The woman looked up at her horrified.

"…I swear it won't – wait what ? Why are you staring at me like that ? Is underage drinking such a serious offense around here ?" she looked around panic starting to settle in. "Don't tell me you're dropping me in the pit for that ! I-"

" You're not supposed to be here !" the woman cut her off.

"Huh ?"

"You ! Come with me right now !"

Before she knew it, the clerk was pulling her away from the waiting room and into a long and immaculate corridor.

"Wait-wait ! What is going on here ? Where are you dragging me ? Hey !"

The woman in heels was way stronger than she looked. She dragged her around as if she was just a mere plastic bag in the wind.

Before long, the teen was thrust into a very fancy and spacious office as the woman closed the door firmly behind her back.

"What the-?"

"Sir! We have a problem !" the clerk spoke loudly.

Only then did the teen notice the man seated in a "CEO" chair with working documents sprawled out on the oak wood desk in front of him.

"What is it again Martha ? I think I already told you not to disturb me this decade. Several worlds are at war right now and I am getting a bit overwhelmed with the wave of new arrivals." He didn't even look up from the massive pile of paperwork.

"Excuse me Sir ! But this is an emergency ! No, a disaster ! The protocol has been breached !"

The man looked up as fast as lightening. The girl winced as she swore she could feel his neck cracking from where she stood.

"WHAT ? How ?"


The clerk-Martha- gave her a sideway-glance.

"She isn't supposed to be here, Sir"

The man's eyes grew large in shock as he motioned for her to bring him her file. Which she did in a flash.

His eyes skimmed through her personal information and his face crumbled as he reached a particularly important sentence.

"75 !" He exclaimed.

The clerk had a grave look on her face as she nodded.

And now the man was looking at her as if SHE was the alien here.

"How is this possible ? She is still an infant ! "

She felt offended. Whatever his deal was, she was not about to let him treat her like baby. She wanted to object that she was old enough to drive! That, at least meant something, right?

"I looked through her ending day information too." Added the clerk before she could intervene. "A truck was indeed scheduled on that day, but it wasn't meant for her."

She dared look back at her in frustration, as if she had done something to her personally.

"This idiot-"

"Hey ! I'm not an-"

"…decided to stop by an ice cream stand to stuff her face-"

"How dare you say I stuff my-"

"…and ended up getting hit instead of elderly woman behind her."

The man was looking at her strangely too, now.

"But how….?" Then it was as if it had downed on him.

"A deviant ?"

Martha [Miss I diss like I breath] nodded with a somber look on her face.


The man slumped back in his chair and proceeded to pull his hair out.

"Why ? Why is this happening during my shift ? Why couldn't this happen two centuries from now, after my retirement ? Why does it always happen to me? Why !"

The teen was getting more creeped out by the second as she watched the grown-up man have a mental breakdown right in front of her.

In fact, she felt like that kind of craziness was probably contagious. Maybe even an air-born virus, as the clerk was also showing signs of it.

Ew. Crazy germs.

Better make a swift escape.

"Look…I don't know what this is about…but…uhm…I guess you don't need me anymore right ? I can go back and cross over now, right ? I've been waiting a lifetime in that waiting room. I'll be on my way now..ok ..bye?" she said as she was backing up towards the exit.

The door got slammed by sturdy manicured hands before she could make a dash for it.

"You.Are.Not.Going.Anywhere.Until.We.Solve.This" Martha said in a tone that reminded her of her own mother's wrath.

She gulped and took a seat back on a chair.

The 'Boss' seemed to come back to his senses and he looked straight at her with a serious face.

"Listen Miss…Lee. There was a problem with your case. A breach of protocol occurred and you were sent to us way before your due time. 58 years early to be exact."

A dead silence fell down in the room.

"W-what ?" the girl let out in a squeaky voice. "Are you joking ….?"

"You weren't supposed to die now. Your stupid sugar cravings got you killed earlier than intended" Martha drawled out accusingly.

Another silence.

Then her chair dropped to the ground.

"WHAT THE HECK ?! You mean to tell me I got killed because of ice cream ? ICE CREAM ????" the teen screeched in utter incomprehension.

What the heck ? What the heck ? She was not believing any of that !

[Chloe Lee. Died at age 17 and 11 months. Underage drinker. A glutton who died because of ice creams]

Did she seriously want that engraved on her tombstone ?!

All the people visiting her cemetery would laugh at her ! She would become a laughing stock! OR WORSE ! A tourist spot !

She could already imagine the guides telling people : [And here lies the stupid girl who got killed because of her cravings for ice cream. Feel free to catch pokemons here. Rumor has it that Snorlax has a higher appearance rate here than any other pokestop in the world !]

She would be humiliated by other ghosts for eternity ! ETERNITY !

Now, SHE was the one pulling her hair out.

Crazy germs were more viral that she initially thought…

Then Martha suggested a solution.

"Sir. Why not exchange her soul with a deviant's one from another word ? One that refuses to die on their scheduled time ? As opposed to this one" she sent her another sideway-glare. "Wouldn't that fix the problem ? And I am sure that world's manager wouldn't mind getting that burden off their shoulders too ?"

"Amazing idea Martha ! Perfect ! Let's do that !" the boss jumped in glee.

"If this works out , you are getting a promotion out of this !"

The adolescent glared back at the rude woman.

Yeah, yeah. Sucking up to the boss much ?

The man closed his eyes in concentration while some light seeped through his eyelids. It was as if he was meditating. His consciousness was clearly not there with them anymore.

It took him 2 minutes to open his eyes again and as soon as he did, he started cheering in happiness.

"It works ! They have a spot for her !" he clapped excitedly.

Martha smirked.

That Bitc-

Her train of thought got interrupted by the opening of a vortex on one of the previously bare wall of the office.

"W-WHAT THE ? WHAT IS THIS THING ?!" she tried to jump away from it, but a weird force was pulling her back.

"Now, Miss Lee ! Be reassured that this mere mistake will be rectified. You will get your life back! In an even more fantastic world ! Be thankful ! You will get a new chance at life my dear !"

"Wait ! This is suspicious ! I don't want to-…wait I feel dizzy…how…?"

"Goodbye my child. Have fun ! "

Her vision started blurring and the face of the man before her undulated more and more.

"Oh…and stay away from ice creams next time, will you ?"

Those were the last words she heard before disgustingly manicured hands rudely pushed her through the void of nothingness.

"Gyyyyyaaaaaah !"



Instead of working on my midterms, I'm just here writing a crack-fic (SHAME ON ME !)

But well...oh boy here I go again with crazy plots.

Please bear with my insanity.

Love you all <3

The Blue-P !

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