Losing control

The last time I had seen Caleb drunk was the night of Leo's bonfire, and to say he was a stark contrast from his sober self would be putting it mildly.

"You scared Shy, Caleb," I spoke with as much disapproval as I could muster in my voice.

"I'm sorry, Shy," Caleb mumbled in a low voice against my skin, warming the area. Shy had no way of hearing what he had said, but I continued anyways.

"You scared me too," I said, grabbing hold of the sides of his shirt, whether to push him away or pull him closer, I didn't know.

He exhaled, burying his nose into my cheek, breathing me in and mumbled again.

"I'm sorry, Ruth."

I sighed, having no idea how to get through this submissive Caleb. Argumentative Caleb, I can handle. Asshole Caleb, I cherished the most.

It became easier to be harsh on him in those times. But sweet and compliant Caleb was such an uncharted waters that I didn't know which way was up.

Still, I tried again. "And Leo. He was so—"

My obvious disgust at his drunkenness and the fact that we had two more people in the same room had little effect on him as he ran his nose up my cheek and into my hair, making me forget my train of thoughts.

My body seemed to have a mind of its own whenever it came to Caleb's touch. It didn't care about him being drunk or all the other shit that had surpassed between us in the last few weeks. One touch, and it was right back to where it was 3 weeks ago, but my mind was another matter altogether.

"What are you doing here, Caleb?" I asked, gritting my teeth to supress shivers that were running through me as I felt his breath skate across my skin.

"Finding you," he murmured dreamily, running his hands up and down my back in a gentle caress.

"Why? Why do you keep driving me away and then come to find me back?" I whispered, turning my head to look up at him which forced him to look at me.

I was aware of Shy and Leo close-by, but neither of them uttered a single word as we stood locked in the embrace and I waited for Caleb's answer.

"Because you're the peace I've been searching for my whole life. But now that I've found you, I can't let you walk away," he whispered back.

For a man who was struggling to keep his eyes open, Caleb's gaze was remarkably steady, as he held mine and spoke.

"I didn't do that the last time you left. I'm not losing you again. I'm not."

One of his arm slid down to my waist, while other cupped my cheek, tilting my head up as he bent down. This time I didn't stop him, couldn't stop him, as his lips touched mine in a feather light caress, before deepening the kiss.

In the back of my mind, I knew I should be angry at him. He had not only scared Shy, but also nearly gotten arrested if any of us had called the cops.

And more than anything, I knew that I should be pushing him off and setting the record straight. That I should be making it clear that it wasn't me who left. It was him who wanted me gone, kept plotting my exit, time and again.

But at the moment, it all seemed trivial. The only thing that mattered was Caleb kissing me, my body moulding itself to fit his hard planes perfectly, his hand sliding into my hair to deepen the kiss.

A low moan escaped me and I shivered, the taste of Caleb that I had unknowingly missed all this time flooding my tastebuds along with a sharp taste of whiskey.

It should have been revolting. It should have brought me to my senses and made me pull back, but all I did was press closer to him, circling my arms around his waist.

Nothing made sense about us. No logic could explain it. But at this moment, it didn't matter. Because pieces of my heart were sliding around slowly in anticipation of finding a place to click exactly where it belonged.

His lips left mine and travelled the length of my neck, and I tilted my head, shamelessly letting him do whatever he wanted. I felt his tongue trail onto my pulse and bit my lip as another moan threatened to escape.

Something was nagging me in the back of my mind. A small nudge to remember something important, something obvious, but when he sucked onto my earlobe, pulling me flush against his body, every other thought left me. Whatever it was didn't matter at the moment, whatever it was can wait. But this moment can't.

I ran my lips from over his cheeks to his neck, taking advantage of his position and placed an open mouthed kiss on his base of his neck, feeling him tremble in my arms.

"Ruth," he moaned low in my ear, raising goosebumps all over my body, and I sucked onto that spot that was driving him crazy, no longer in control of my actions.

With a growl, he pulled my hair, tilting my neck back and dislodging my lips from his neck, bringing his lips back to mine with desperation.

I would have given almost anything to stay forever stuck in this fantasy that Caleb dragged me to everytime he touched me. But when reality came, it crashed down on me. Literally.

Just as I felt my feet leave the ground, dangling in the air, felt my bag slipping off my shoulder, I knew something was coming at us to break this trance. And it did.

My arms that were wrapped around Caleb's shoulders, slid up the nape of his neck slowly and reached into his hair, feeling the wet strands on my skin, making him moan. Just as I felt Caleb move towards the bedroom, he stumbled again, this time taking me down with him.