73 Disquiet

Ruth's POV

It must have only been a little over an hour ago since I had woken up, and a few minutes after that since Caleb's big revelation, but I felt like I had aged a century since then.

I was still sitting on his lap with his head resting against my chest, but he looked as exhausted as I felt.

He'd just finished telling me everything. And man, was that a lot of information to process in one hour. But even though I felt nearly overflowing with all the knowledge of Caleb's past, I wasn't complaining.

For one, I felt like I finally understood where most of his quirks came from, and why his cockiness always felt like shallow and deceptive when he really seemed like a little boy lost in his own head, just like that morning in Boston near the pool.

For another, it seemed like Caleb was finally feeling better. Calmer. As if some invisible weight that he had been carrying around all these years was finally off his shoulders even though he was still miserably clinging to me.

"It was my fault, Ruth. All my fault." He mumbled for the tenth time as if not even conscious of what he was saying anymore.

"I'm the reason mom's gone. I'm the reason uncle Martin is gone. I could've saved him and I didn't, Ruth. I'm the reason Leo lost his father, no wonder he hates me.. No wonder he orchestrated this accident so I could finally remember what I did to hi-"

His mindless rambling cut off when I pulled back abruptly.

"What do you mean, he orchestrated this accident so you could remember?"

"Exactly what I said, Ruth. Or have you not realised that how the same men were able to kidnap you both in Boston and in Seattle and how Leo was the one to rescue us at both of those places?" He sighed in exhaustion as he rubbed his face.

At my silence, he explained, "I don't think he knew what he was doing in Boston when he ordered those men to kidnap me. He had just wanted to scare my father enough so he would back off from his aggressive acquisition of another company I was working for in his bid to get me back to work for Cross Empires."

"And it was a coincidence that they mistakenly ended up kidnapping you instead of me. He didn't know that re-living something similar would make me have flashbacks of that accident. And when it did, he backed off right away, even letting my father takeover the company. He didn't want me to remember either... Didn't want me to live with the guilt of being responsible father's death and my mother."

Even though what Caleb was saying made total sense, I didn't know how I felt about all of this. Leo was behind my kidnapping in Boston? Leo was behind our accident last night? Of all the people that could've done it, I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that it was Leo who had nearly killed us both.

But then, had he? He was there to rescue us in Boston and he was there to do so here. Not to mention, as abductions and accidents go, Caleb and I had escaped it with barely a few scratches and bruises.

I distinctly remembered those kidnappers just pushing me out of the car at Boston and the airbags, and seatbelts that cushioned the impact of our accident last night.

But still, Leo? The huge marshmallow who flew here in here from New York just to make sure that no one can pull any dirty tricks on us, who spent the whole night in my cold apartment just to make sure Caleb was okay and the one who knocked sense into Caleb when he walked out on me the next morning?

I couldn't believe a selfless giver like him was capable of going to such extremes to exact vengeance.

"If that's true, then why did he...?" I trailed off, unable to finish the thought. But Caleb still understood exactly what I meant. His arm tightened around my waist as he reached over and grabbed a thick manila envelope from other side of the couch before dropping it on my lap.

"He has stopped protecting me, even from myself. He wanted me to face the consequences of my actions, be accountable for them, to suffer for them. This is his way of taking the roof off my head that his presence had always given me. Now, me and my father would finally see what it's like to be him. And to show me the mirror that his protection was turning me exactly into what his father's protection had turned my dad into."

Curiously, I pulled out the documents within, and it took me a few minutes to realise what they were.

"He's given everything to you." I murmured as I flipped pages one after the other that explicitly named Caleb as the sole owner and decision maker of Cross Empires both headquarters and it's subsidiaries, and every property under Cross name in Boston.

"He's given up on me." He corrected me, eying the documents miserably.

"This is his ultimate revenge on me. He knew I didn't want this. Never wanted this. But everything started with this. My father's discontent stemmed from this. In turn his jealousy poisoned me against uncle Martin so I could hate them both enough to challenge the Directorship of the Empire, which led to me letting his father die in that accident because I hated him."

"Caleb," I cupped his face in my palm, trying to console him, trying to reach him.

"You were a just a child and you were in shock. You'd just been in an accident and watched your mother die. How can you be sure that your hatred was the reason you didn't help him?"

"I cannot be sure that it wasn't the reason either. All I remember is the hatred I felt for him right before the accident. And not moving a muscle when he pleaded me to help him."

I fell silent at that, because what could I possibly say to reassure him? For all I knew, he was right about this. But it still didn't make sense.

"But why did he name everything to you? And what's he gonna do now?"

Caleb eyed the contract with both disgust and apprehension.

"His father had built this all up from the scratch. Before uncle Martin took over, Cross Empires were in shambles, bankrupt and indebted for millions of dollars, but he lifted it up from the ashes and onto it's feet. But when he did, my father wanted his share in it. Part or if possible, whole ownership of the company that he had helped his brother build. He believed he could take the company to new heights of success, but uncle Martin knew better. He knew my dad was skilled in his area of expertise but lacked patience and endurance of a leader."

"So even though uncle Martin knew that dad resented him for the being the sole owner of the company, he endured it if it meant saving my father from himself. Same way Leo endured the pain of losing his father but protecting me all my life."

"He's known Ruth. He's always known that he lost his father because of me, but he endured my father's hatred, my attitude, all so he could protect me from myself. He knew the cost of heading this company, knew I didn't want it, wasn't ready for it, didn't have what it took to lead it so he filled in his father's shoes, just to protect me, to let me have the life I had wanted to live. But now he's given me the life that my father had wanted for me as a punishment for becoming my father."

"As for what he's gonna do," He sighed and shook his head. "He's gonna stay here and take over CrossRoads softwares. Make it his base. That's why the contract specifically states that everything in Boston belongs to me, because that means everything here belongs to him."

"He is giving up a flourishing empire and starting over from a small software company in a new city?"

It seemed a steep price to me, giving up all his life's hardwork, only to start over at a new place from the scratch.

"Don't worry about Leo. With him heading and dedicated employees like you here, the business will be flourishing in no time."

Caleb stared up at me as if waiting for something but what, I had no idea. My mind was whirling, trying to process everything he had just said and suddenly I felt bone deep exhaustion settle over me.

I slid the documents back in the folder and placed it on a tiny side table nearby before sighing.

"What time is it?"

"Must be 10pm, I guess." He replied, still looking at me mysteriously but I didn't think I had enough strength to decipher his look right then.

My mind felt like it was bleeding from all that we had talked about and all I wanted to do was fall back to sleep.

But just as I thought about it, my stomach rumbled, reminding me that I hadn't eaten anything in over 24 hours.

Caleb smiled as he heard it rumble again and rubbed my back gently.

"Let me feed you something other than dark confessions now."

I smiled back and nodded as he pulled his cell phone out of his pjs pocket and called someone.

"Hey, sorry to bother you, but can you get us something to eat? Yeah, she's starving, and so am I."

As he disconnected, I opened my mouth to ask who he had called but just then he swooped down and pressed his lips against mine driving every other thought out of my head.

For one heart thumping moment, his lips moved deliciously against mine, promising to give me every bit of love and passion as I knew he was capable of, but just as I went to deepen the kiss, he pulled back and pressed his forehead against mine.

"Happy Christmas, baby."

"It definitely feels like one now." I exhaled, trying to rein my thoughts and body in, reminding them that we were both exhausted physical and emotionally, that we had both been in a car crash and that we were still in the hospital.

Good thing too, because just then someone knocked on the door.

"Was she waiting just outside the door?" Caleb murmured as Sairey walked in with two trays of food followed by a nurse whose eyes went wide at the sight of me sitting on Caleb's lap.

"Not a Christmas dinner, but it'll have to do." Sairey announced as she handed a tray each to us.

It was after the dinner and a checkup by the nurse - and even after Sairey leaving for the night grumbling about patient privacy and rich assholes when Caleb declared that he would sleep on the couch in my room and stay with me until our discharge tomorrow morning - that something Caleb had previously said popped into my mind.

As the lights went out, and I heard Caleb's breath deepen in the dead quietness of the room, his words replayed in my head one after the other, making it difficult for me to sleep.

I squeezed my eyes shut,but they still kept on playing, until one particular thing registered, making my eyes pop open again.

'The contract specifically states that everything in Boston belongs to me.... Everything here belongs to him.... With him heading and dedicated employees like you here....'

If that was the case, then Caleb would have to go to Boston. And if I am here then where would that leave us?

*

"Ruth, we're here," Caleb's soft voice pulled me out of the thoughts that I had been mulling over since last night.

My body creaked like an old woman as I moved sluggishly and I blamed my nocturnal brain for keeping me up all night.

The weather outside was as bleak as my thoughts, and as cold as my insides when stepped out of the car and I immediately trembled like a leaf when the cold air hit me.

Despite having an overcoat and a scarf over the clothes that Sairey had brought for me this morning, I was still poorly dressed for the weather, but I didn't have long to brood over it.

I sighed in relief and looked up at Caleb who had noticed my shivering and decided to wrap himself around me, engulfing my body almost completely with his.

"Better now?" He asked, looking down at me gently, lovingly, warming my heart as much as my body. All at once, the exhaustion I had been feeling all morning vanished as I shivered for entirely different reason.

No matter how much time passed, his touch will always be capable of making me forget the world, and everything in it.

I leaned into him, needing more than just his arms around me, and his eyes darkened when he read the need in mine.

God, how I loved this man. And even though I had known it for a while now, the thought still felt like an epiphany.

I look up at him in adoration, not even attempting to hide my feelings this time and watched his adam's apple bob as his face mirrored mine.

An unspoken tension had been lingering over us since last night, but it seemed like neither of us were ready to address it just yet.

He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss against my lips. Saying more with that one action than any words could have.

But it wasn't enough. When was it ever? I slid my hands up his chest until they reached the back of his neck to urge him down for a proper kiss, but a loud, celebrate throat clearing sound reached us.

"Should I carry both of your bags upstairs before dropping your friend off, Ms. Brooke?"

It was Steve, Caleb's generally discreet driver who now looked like he was trying to supress a smile as he stood with his hands clasped in front of him, waiting for my reply, as did Sairey who was leaning against the passenger side door with a smile.

I tried to blink out of the emotionally charged fog that Caleb always managed to generate around me, but it was difficult when he was still holding me, his hot breath warming one side of my face.

"Just say 'yes' or 'sure', Ruthie," Shy supplied helpfully, making my face burn, and snapping me out of my thoughts sufficiently. And then his words sunk in.

"Drop Shy off? Where?" Was she going to her parents' house? It wasn't like her to leave my side when she knew I might need her. Unless...

"You're staying over?" I looked up at Caleb, while trying to ignore his intense gaze that was still locked on me.

Listening to this though, he frowned, momentarily distracted.

"No, you're staying over."

That was when I looked around us. Sure enough we were parked in front of the steel and glass building that I had been to months ago when I had accepted his proposition on a whim that had ended with an embarrassing disaster.

"You seemed all for it when Caleb asked you to stay at his place." Sairey frowned as she read the lost look on my face.

Truth was, I had no idea what he had asked before leaving from the hospital. So lost had I been in my thoughts all last night and this morning that I wouldn't have noticed if they had made me sign my own death certificate today.

So it figured that I hadn't noticed in which direction we were driving upto until now.

"It must've slipped my mind," I shrugged, and stepped out of Caleb's embrace. The reminder and our impending discussion was enough to warm my body with anxiety this time.

"Are you okay, Ruthie? You're very pale suddenly. I can take you home, or even stay here with you if that's what you need."

Shy offered, her dark eyes accessed my face with concern. I felt Caleb move in closer to me, but I didn't need to look at him to make a decision.

Scary as it was, we needed to talk, reach some decisions, find some solutions. Anything but- I stopped that line of thoughts as I smiled at Sairey, hoping to look reassuring.

"No, it's alright Shy. You look exhausted. Just go home and get some rest."

"You sure?" She asked, walking up to me and placed her hands on my shoulders assessing me at an arm's length. When I nodded, she hugged me gently and whispered, "if you need me, just call."

Then she straighten, threw a look at Caleb and then climbed back into the car.

**

The interior of his apartment was exactly as I remembered it. All dark shades and tasteful decor that screamed Caleb from every corner.

I eyed the kitchen counter that was exactly opposite the main door and suppressed a grimace as the memories of that Halloween night came rushing back to me. And along with it came the reminder that it was the same night when Caleb had kissed Ellen Cole.

No, I will not let my mind travel down that road again. Even though the accident we'd been in was not as fatal - or even as damaging as it had originally seemed, it had certainly put many things in perspective.

It had made me realise that it didn't matter who, or even what was in Caleb's past as long as I was the only one in his present and his future.

I wouldn't let Ellen get between us, I decided as I unwrapped the scarf from around my neck. I wouldn't let my insecurities ruin whatever time I had left with Caleb.

I wouldn't let- my thoughts came to a screeching halt when I felt Caleb step behind me to take the coat off my shoulders. Instead of stepping back though, he let his fingers trail down my arms, sending another shiver down my spine.

"Still feeling cold, Ms. Brooke?" He whispered against my ear, raising goose bumps all over.

My breath stuttered in my lungs and I made an indistinct sound as the air around us thickened with a delicious tension.

He must've decided that it was a yes, because he flipped me around and pulled me tight against him.

"For someone who's feeling cold, your skin seems deliciously hot," He whispered as he stroked my cheek with his lips.

I couldn't speak, couldn't breath as I felt all of my love and need for him ball up around my heart, ready to explode.

As if they had a will of their own, my hands reached up and slid his coat off his shoulders, not even bothering to see where it fell.

His arm wrapped around my waist lifting me clean off the floor as I wrapped my arms around his neck more securely, both of us working in an unspoken synchrony.

His lips moved from my cheek up to my forehead and traced a purple bruise just over my brow as I nuzzled him right below his lips, breathing his delicious scent in.

"You've been in an accident," He exhaled reminding himself just as much as me, but didn't put me back down on the floor.

"So have you." I replied, clinging to him just as desperately. We could both sense the bleak reality hovering right there around us just waiting to pounce, but we were desperate to hold onto this tiny bit the light that wrapped around us like a protective bubble everytime we were this close to each other.

"We need to talk." He mumbled, bit I already had the answer waiting for him.

"Later." I breathed out as I felt him start to walk. Any other time, I would have looked over to see where he was going, to mind his steps for him, or to fuss over some other minute, unimportant detail, but not today.

I didn't care if I fell into the pits of hell right then as long as I still got to hold Caleb while doing it.

I choked back the tears that sprang into my eyes at the uncertainty of our time together. The disquiet that we were both feeling would have to wait. The world itself would have to wait while we stole this one perfect moment for us to make it last a lifetime.

I felt coolness of the satin sheets against my heated skin as Caleb laid me down on the bed and leaned over me, pressing his forehead against mine.

"Tell me to stop, Ruth," he whispered, letting his minty breathe fan over my lips. He sounded desperate... broken. As if he too dreaded what waited for us beyond our bubble.

I had no idea if talking it out and getting it over with was any better than delaying the inevitable. Conflict churned along with need within me as I nibbled his lower lip indecisively.

As it has always been with us, the word 'stop' was on the tip on my tongue, but what came out was entirely different.

Cupping his face between my hands, I swallowed the lump in my throat, unable to make myself fight him - or myself - anymore. It was a losing battle, anyways.

Looking him straight in the eye, I whispered back, "don't stop, Caleb. Not now... Not ever."

Without another word, thought, or hesitation, he lowered his lips over mine, kissing me like it was the last thing he'll ever do.