Broken

I was sitting on rooftop. My knees felt like jelly, sobbing hard. I can remember the time it was night with a bright full moon. mild breeze continuesly touching my sensitive skin and gave me a chills.

If I was my right mind back thn I would really appreciate the feeling, the atmosphere, the night, the moment , and everything that the night carries. But back then I can't. I was starting at the Moon whom I mostly called "Silver noona" and smiled at my pathetic self whom I blame for everything. tears breaming in my eyes and my vision get started blurry because of the tears. stream of hot liquid sliding down towards my Trimbling lips. attempts of gather myself gone useless.

A sudden sound of my phone ringtone made me jolted . I don't want to face anyone but the contact Id made my heart thump "budump" "budump" "budump" . I let out a breathy chuckle and gather myself . started wiping my tears away by the sleeves of my t-shirt and picked up the phone .

"h-hello"

"we need to break up"

"o-oh w-why?" i breathed out

" I think you are right about my feelings I think I love her, not you"

" oh ,c-can't we try again?"

"no . she loves me more than you did ever, I just wasted my time on you. I love her before you came"

I can't hold back anymore I burst out crying.

again he spoke " I never loved you , this two years I was with you but I really can't leave her, sorry for the cheating"

I sobbed so hard , so so hard and smiled and I know that's going to happen soon but didn't realize so soon. he cheated on me with his own best friend. I know the way she talk to him and the way he acts , I know the every lies which escaped from his beautiful lips for her , i-i know everything.

the lump on my throat hurts, a chubby face with a full lips running through my head. how pathetic I m . every relationship of mine ended up like this. this is not new for me but the unbearable pain in my chest is new. "first love " . past 2 relationships are meant nothing to me cause they are lasted like 2-3 months and ended up with cheating on me. but this one Two years MOTHERFUCKING TWO YEARS and again ended up with cheating.

"I m not gonna love again"

I mumbled and started punching the wall my knuckles stared to bleed but I kept hitting the wall.

"pathetic" "whore" "useless" "unsocial" those words kept running in my mind.

"I am not gonna love again" but my heart wants to cherish someone, craving for love, pampering but my my mind can't

"replace" "replace" "replace"

"replace your love with someone whom you can cherish but he will never love you back"

and I did exactly that what my mind told and found my 'love of my life' with a boxy smile.

"fake love"